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Letter From a Toddler: 'Dear Santa: Ho, Ho, NO!'

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Dear Santa,

Grandma helped me write this letter to you. I am two fingers-old, so I haven't learned how to do letters yet. Please don't bring the toys MY PARENTS WANT for me. Bring me the list of things I WANT, instead!

Mommy and Daddy want you to bring me this stroller that someday I can use as a tricycle. My two finger friend Bella has one but she thinks it's silly because her feet can't even touch the pedals and they don't go backwards, either. I just want a toy I can push around. Grandma says I don't need a "pretend tricycle" that says it does four things but really doesn't.

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So, the FIRST thing I want is a Fisher-Price Brilliant Basics Corn Popper!

Grandma says they have been making this for so long that it is a "classic," whatever that means. My buddy has one and he keeps pushing it around and it sounds like popcorn! He let me try it and I just like pushing it because I can walk pretty well now, and it makes me feel like a big kid when I go fast.

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Next year, when I am three fingers-old, I hope I get a Radio Flyer Tricycle. They are great for three finger kids because they are close to the ground and kids don't tip over on them the way they do with those big tall trikes. This is a fun tricycle because it has real metal handle bars and won't make Dad say those bad words when he puts it together!

Mommy and Daddy also want me to get some baby super smart-kid music toy. Lots of little kids have them. My parents think this music player will make me have a big brain and like fancy music. Grandma thinks this kind of toy is made to make parents happy 'cause they think they're making their kids smart.

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Instead, the SECOND thing I want is a Set of Soft, Colored Blocks. Grandma says they are quiet (grandmas like quiet!) and they won't make me sick if I chew on them. My friend, Ethan, has some and we make them go high but we mostly like to knock them down and they don't hurt us. They come in lots of shapes. I like the triangles the best and I want to play with them even when I get bigger.

I can't wait until I am three fingers and I can ask you for these Uncle Goose Classic Alphabet Blocks. They aren't good for littler kids like me because we can choke on them. These blocks must be really old like the corn popper because they have that word "classic," too.

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The last thing mommy and daddy want me to get is some plastic "tech" book. It sings and has pages. My mommy says it's just like being read or sung to but I don't want a robot's mommy reading or singing to me in a funny voice. I want mommy or daddy or grandma to read to me. It's better because they talk to me about the pages and I get to sit on their lap!

So, the THIRD thing I want is more real books for my room. My friend, Aiden, has some fun books for two-finger kids like us. I think we will still like them when we are three fingers-old. Please bring these three:

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Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed
The Very Hungry Caterpillar
The Little Mouse, the Red Ripe Strawberry and the Big Hungry Bear

Please say hello to Mrs. Claus and your elf helpers. They must be very nice, like you.

Your friend,

Noah