Gentlemen, Answer Your Damn Phone!

01/13/2011 06:34 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011


Lady Gaga is usually up on everything au courant but recently she really missed the spot. In her 'Telephone' song she pleads with her man to stop calling her:

Stop callin', stop callin', I don't wanna talk anymore
I left my head and my heart on the dance floor.

Girl, you would be the only woman on Earth today who actually has men calling you. For the past couple of years my phone rings maybe once a week and usually it's the wrong number. If I do get a call it's my grandmother who is 90 or a wrong number (No, I am not Time Warner Cable, sugar).

These days not only have people lost the desire to talk, they can now hardly write. I still don't know what ROTFL means. It's all texting all the time or of course emails. Just about every time I ring up someone's wire it goes straight to voicemail. I kindly ask for them to call me back and either its nothing for days (or ever -- you know who you are) or a text back in five minutes asking, "What's up?"
What's up is I want to talk to you!


Alexander Graham Bell would roll in his grave if he knew about texting

Biggest pet peeve in the world? You text me, I call you right back and it goes to voice mail. And this is from some of my best friends. Are you scared to talk to me? Would you rather spend hours texting back and fourth instead of five minutes figuring out drinks?

I spoke to one editor who said he is terrified of answering his phone. When it rings he just shuts it off and hopes the person will email or text. Err....

And then there are all those people who do actually call you back after you leave a voice mail and ask, "What's up?"

"Did you listen to my voice mail?" I ask teeth clenched.

"Oh no I never check those! I just figured you could explain," they nonchalantly say.

Oh I see it is my job to repeat myself since you can't check voice mail?

If that's the case toots, then record a message that says you don't check messages and to please text or email you. It's not rocket science.

Last Fashion's Night Out I was with a friend and we were looking for another friend. I knew this person would be near Bergdorf so I suggested for friend A to call friend B. Instead he took five minutes to text him, then re wrote it because iPhone are simply Lucifer's toy and then just stood there staring into space waiting for a text back.

My blood began to boil.

I whipped out my phone, called friend B, he told me he was next to the fountain and voila. In under 30 seconds.

Are the outspoken youth of today only outspoken in text and on Facebook?

People, I find this a real dilemma. It's a sad state when we as people refuse to speak to each other.

Does anyone else think that all this technology has made connecting to people harder?

Do I call you?
Email you?
Text you?
Facebook you?

It's all too much.

So here are some ideas to get you ringing again:

• Remember, phoning is fun! Isn't it nice to hear your friends laugh or his slurring bar voice?

• It actually takes less time to figure out a place to meet when calling than when texting. When you figure out the spot text the address.

• I know some people listen to too much NPR and are now terrified to pick up the phone lest their brain explode from cancer. If you are one of these people just get a blue tooth. Don't use it while strutting down Fifth Avenue but in your own home it's totally fine.

• Calling people actually gives a better chance of getting what you want than emailing. I learned this in my old PR job. I could email a blast to 50 editors and get zilch. Ring them up, hear what they are working on and you find out loads more about what they need and how there mama's durrin'.

• Phone sex is so much saucier than naughty texts that can end up here.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this via the phone. If you want a call back simply email me your number.