Give Someone a Compliment Today

I've realized one of the best ways to bring joy into the world is by complimenting people. Not senselessly, not with obvious affectation, but a genuine, honest to goodness compliment. The biggest waste of joy in this world is a good deed left unrecognized.

It's not like this is some sort of major revelation or that I have never thought to compliment someone before. It's just that I think we can afford to do it a little bit more freely, even sometimes in situations where we normally aren't used to doing it. I'm suggesting we go a little out of our comfort zone to deliver a compliment that might make someone's day.

In the last week, I gave two well-earned compliments to people that gave them an obvious measure of happiness that they otherwise might not have had. I was moved by that, so I tried it again, and it worked again. I forced it one more time, and that person was left more puzzled than anything else. So, apparently there is a limit.

The trick is to make it real and somewhat unexpected (though, apparently, not too unexpected). The first compliment went to someone in my life that I felt was being underappreciated. Someone who tried to help others but didn't often hear a kind word for it (sometimes his delivery could use help, but he always meant well). So, I told him I appreciated what he did. And you can see his face light up. Why wouldn't you want to bring someone happiness like that?

The second one was more bizarre but it worked just as well. I was playing poker at a casino in LA, not a place for abundant joy. Most of the people sitting around those poker tables are a miserable lot (only trumped in their misery by the people playing blackjack in the other room).

You don't get a lot of pleasant people at the tables, but this night was different. This one guy was just an absolute sweetheart. In Turkish, there is a saying - he had a clean heart. And he was playing great poker to boot. He read me on a couple of hands and took all my money. This is normally the time when someone in my position would make a surly comment about how he got lucky and deserved none of his new found riches. If you think poker players at these seedy casinos are miserable, wait till you get a load of them after they lose their money.

Instead, I got up (because I had no money left) and went over to shake his hand. I told him played one hell of a game tonight and those were some great calls he made. You've never seen someone so happy at a poker table. It was like he won a million bucks. Because the one thing poker players want more than money is recognition that they played well.

So, what did I lose (other than the money at the poker table, but that was already gone) by giving these compliments? Not a damn thing. It was the easiest thing in the whole wide world. It's certainly no world-changing event for the people who received them either, but it made them happier for some period of time and cost me absolutely nothing. We just added some joy to the world that otherwise would not have been there.

Look, I know I'm too schmaltzy. And my guess is that the women reading this are enjoying it somewhat and the men have decided that my recent marriage is a sham. My close friends have already vomited and will not read my next three columns in protest. But I believe in joy.

So, in closing, to make the skeptics feel better, let me tell you about my final attempt that didn't work out as well. I had the most delicious banana pancakes of my life the other day and my waitress threw in some eggs on the side for a very reasonable price. I was very happy with how it worked out, but also in a hurry. I paid at my table but my waitress was nowhere in sight, so before leaving, I got up, found her and told her how delicious the food was and how much I appreciated her work that morning.

She looked at me like I was from Mars. From the expression on her face, it seemed like she was going to spend the next ten minutes trying to figure out what my ulterior motive was and what this strange man wanted from her.

Lesson learned. If you want to make a waitress happy, don't hunt her down in the middle of the restaurant; just tip her two more bucks. Apparently, society has already worked out this arrangement.

For those of you who are not already physically ill from the corniness of this post and who stuck with me to the end here, I have a suggestion. Try it. See what happens. Give an unexpected compliment today and see the reaction you get. You might not see the reaction immediately and you might never know what that person thinks, but there is very little to lose. And I suspect you might get just as much happiness from it as the person who received the compliment. It's a win-win for everybody. And that doesn't happen that often in this world.

Young Turks on You Tube

PS -- If you want to let me know how it goes, you can e-mail your story to us after you try it. Send e-mails through our website -- www.theyoungturks.com -- and they will reach me. Thanks.

Comments

[Promise]

Great post! I totally agree that sincere, well-deserved compliments really go a long way to brighten up someone's life. Is there something wrong with that?! What bothers me a bit is that you feel you might be corny or vomit-inspiring...Like we have become so enamored of cynicism that any honest positive message is seen as suspect? Some female blogger here posted a column recently complaining about how creepy it is when people do things like pay the toll for the car behind them...(!).

Whoa....we are approaching the Obama era---Hope is In!! Cynicism is soooo Old Paradigm!

Cent, you have a clean heart! Thanks!!!!

[castrochavez08]

Great stuff, Cenk. I only threw up just a little bit, and will keep on reading.

As for your waitress. Sometimes a compliment received in the heat of battle doesn't sink in till the shift ends or a moment of calm is had.

The compliment that does not get an immediate response may bear fruit later (though you don't see it) and a tiny positive domino effect may still take place.
Either way, as you say, it cost nothing.

[xs10shl1]

I always thought you were adorably brilliant but now I feel you are brilliantly adorable. I think it's wonderful that intellectuals can embrace the simplicity of humanity. Best 2 U. Yes, I am a woman (hear me roar)!

[Eek909]

There's almost nothing as powerful as a spontaneous, genuine compliment given by a random stranger. It can make your day.

I used to be incredibly shy and socially awkward. I started working in customer service, so I had to find a way to overcome my shyness. I did it through learning how to compliment people. If you give someone a compliment, it just opens the conversation up on a positive note and creates a little bond between strangers.

[bloity]

Thank you for the post. I live with depression and anxiety for many years now so am constantly swimming in negative thoughts. One strategy I developed to cope with these illnesses is forcing myself to see the positive in life around me. In the workplace I constantly see cliques of us vs. them, and there is always someone being ostracized. I always speak up for the underdog in these sitn's, and try to make sense of someone's behavior when they're being judged so harshly by others, and try to broker respect for all. Maybe because I'm a woman who does administration for a living thus I have very little power in these environments, but my experience is that I end up being the person ostracized and outcasted, and am always the 1st person laid off because I'm not like the others. I'm grateful for my heart always, and have never waned from being the kindest person I can be, even though it has cost me dearly.

[jdenham]

Nice post Cenk. But i am becoming concern you are loosing your edge. Your recent marriage may have taken that edge away, as it does with all us married men. I hope in the weeks to come I won't have to tune into The Young Turks to find you sitting in a smoking jacket and slippers spouting some drivel about peace, love, and puppies. But it appears your conversion from the darkside to liberal may be complete. Oh and have a good day.

[Promise]

Hey, jdenham, there are plenty of edgy, cynical folks around. You don't have to hunt far to find them. Go soak in their pessimism if that's what makes you happy. Let the rest of us rejoice here!

[Dr Eames]

I would like to offer a compliment to you, Cenk, for keeping me informed and entertained with your show on youtube. You're a legend!

[Lee Stranahan - Huffpost Blogger]

What a great piece - thanks, Cenk!

[schatsie]

I loved the article of course. And I was impressed with the compliments... I think the specificity is great, as it clearly addresses what is so appreciated... The gallup organization has written about strengths and when people are complimented on their strengths (which is what they love about themselves), it is a validation of their own unique self. I always feel better when I give a compliment, it just seems to bring in the sunshine.

[ihavenobias]

Great post Cenk.

[SiberianRat]

I'm a guy, and I'm with you! There's FAR too much unpleasantness in this world right now which is contagious--the same is true in the opposite. I sometimes get compliments like, "you're a nice guy," and I think that it's kinda sad that that should even be a compliment (i.e., it shouldn't be something special when someone is nice). It takes just as much energy to be a jerk as it does to be nice, and the latter ensures my day is better too.

[andygaus]

I like your necktie.

[aborell]

Often the people who could most use a compliment are those closest to us, whom we might typically take for granted.

My father came over the other day, and I was, uh, sort of drunk and merry-like--I came out and told him how much I appreciated everything he'd done and continues to do for me. Then it was pretty awkward because I've never seen him shed tears before, but it was really amazing how much that meant to him.

[play-doh]

Best post ever!

[stavros]

Thanks Cent,
not senselessly, not with obvious affectation,
Great post!