We've all been told American children are at the bottom of the global spectrum of education. We know our children in the public schools suffer from ignorance, mediocrity, and failure. We've all been sold on the bill of no child left behind, but our future generations are being left behind in this world at an exponential rate.
We no longer feel safe in the public education institutions. The past few years the media has rang the horror of innocent babies gunned down by wounded and out of control individuals. High schools feel more like prison camps with daily patrols and weapon scanners. As parents, fear grips our hearts to think of our children walking into these uncertain places.
A lifetime ago, I wasn't a mom. I was the teacher staring back at 22 sets of eyes. I remember the overwhelming responsibility to keep them all on task and learning at their level. I remember drying tears on the playground because bullies show up at age five. I watched all learning stop in the class, while one struggling child created chaos in the room.
So, when I became a mommy, all I wanted was to protect my babies from all things evil. I would give them every opportunity for the best education possible. The thought of my children suffering, failing, or falling behind was more than I could bear.
I'm not the only one who feels this way, because, by the droves, families are pulling their children from the public system to educate them at home and on their terms. They're protecting their children. They're giving them time and freedom. Parents are taking responsibility for their children's learning, and this is exactly what I planned to do.
I created space for learning and freedom in our home. I planned our curriculum, organized notebooks, and researched all the criteria required to homeschool our children. We embarked on a journey of a self-driven education all in the protection of our home. Except, within weeks our home began to feel more like a war zone. Most days were spent fighting with my children. I'd beg, bribe, and plead for them to learn something. Anything! Weeks would go by without a break from each other. Meltdowns were daily occurrences for the kids and me. My children were learning, but no one was having fun.
By the time bedtime rolled around, I couldn't get them to bed fast enough. I would yell, shout, and rush them along. I skipped prayers, cuddles, and bedtime stories, because I couldn't take another moment with my clan. We didn't like each other, and I didn't want to be a mom anymore. I discovered we had tons of quantity time together, but very little quality time, and I was sinking under the sea of guilt for failing as a mother. I knew something wasn't right. I felt trapped, and I'm pretty sure so did my children. Something had to change.
I listened to what my children were saying (we're miserable!) and I listened to what my heart was saying (I want to throw in the towel). That's when I began to entertain the thought, "maybe homeschool isn't for us". Maybe this wasn't the best education option, after all. Again, I sunk under the sea of guilt, because I wasn't just failing as a mother, I was now failing as a homeschool mother. It took weeks before I could move on to a plausible solution. I grieved the loss of plan A. I mourned that my perfect plan wasn't working, and that we were going to need a new one. I had to accept that giving up homeschool wasn't failing. Failing would be refusing to change.
We decided to send our kids to public school.
So, how did I change? How did my husband and I let go of our lost dream? Did I give up my responsibility of giving my children the best education possible? Did I decide my children's safety was no longer my concern? How could I possibly be ok with sending my children into the lion's den of bullies? How?
One word.
Trust.
I began to trust that there is good in this world, and that good will follow my children everywhere they go. I trust that we will be able to encourage them to push harder, go further, and be more than what anyone tells them they can be. I trust that they will learn who they truly are, and become just that. I trust that when they do experience the bully who tries to dim their light, I will be there to fan their flame bright again. I trust that when they fall through the cracks of the protection I've built around them, they will always fall into the net of Love. I trust that they will learn that good always will win, and they can be the good.
As this school year comes to a close, I've witnessed our loud and crazy house become a loving safe haven again. I've listened to stories of new best friends, homework woes, and exciting new books. I've walked the halls with my kids, and became friends with teachers. We've run into a few bumps in the road, but I've modeled how to defend the rights of my children. I've spoken up, and made sure our voice was heard. This is teamwork, and we're all active participants, and as I look into my children's eyes, I see little hearts full of anticipation for the good that lies ahead of them. This is how I know we made the right decision.
Charity is married with four children who inspire her to be a #GoodEnoughMom. She shares her messy love story over on her blog, Charity Craig. She has nothing figured out, but loves to write about her journey to personal freedom, marriage, and imperfect parenting. Charity also speaks domestically and is the co-founder of YoHo Disney, a Disney lifestyle blog. You can find her almost everyday on Instagram, @charitylcraig