Eulogy for Mom ...

Legendary American writer James Baldwin once wrote a rather simple, yet complex maxim on the issue of life. "Trust life," he said "and it will teach you, in joy and in sorrow, all you need to know."

"Joy" and "sorrow" appear as two essential elements in Baldwin writings. Every Baldwin character has a special mix of his or her own issues, but the constant is joy and sorrow. I mention this because of Mom's appreciation for great literature and great characters. She often observed that the more complicated the characters, the much deeper the storyline. It wasn't that she felt sudden urges to probe into the lives and problems of other people. It was gratitude for the authors investing energy into the lives created, taking time to mold, shape, reshape, remix and guide them. She felt that showed care and a profound sense of empathy. And she appreciated that since she related to many of those characters in a very intense and intimate way.

Whenever I've thought about Baldwin's take on life, I've always - for varied reasons - thought about my mother and the joy and sorrow that defined her life. That sentence is synonymous with the late Patricia J. Ellison, and in it we understand everything about her.

Her life was an enduring, ceaseless quest for solitude, peace and simplicity. Amid the complexities, the turmoil, the hustle, the fast pace and conflict that typically devour every routine, Mom managed to maintain a very refreshing and simple philosophy: distinction between good and evil; treating people well; submitting one's self to the common good; finding joy and love in shared experience; the expression of sympathy and finding a conscience when much is needed.

By that measure, my mother was a good person. Not just in words, but in practice. Sometimes, her extreme kindness actually over-extended itself and she would do this at great sacrifice. She spread love large - we witnessed it in the way she loved her children. The way she toiled over, spoiled and loved her grandchildren. The way she treated her friends like more than just friends.

Her passing is beyond an obligatory eulogy, a rain-soaked funeral or an obituary stuck in the corner of a city daily. It is the extension of her spiritual classroom. We draw significant, critical lessons from the life of "Omi" - in her joy and in her sorrow. Special lessons about humanity and amity. Important lessons during these times of uncertainty, anxiety, cynicism and anger. Mom showed us all that in the final analysis it's not what you make, who you know, where you live, what you do or what you drive. It's about who you are and the compassion shown for others. The size of your heart. That's all that matters.

We will often remark that, in her passing, Mom is now resting in a better place. But, what I worry about is this world faring in her absence. Can we be the better world she fought all her life to realize? Can we, in joy and in sorrow, carry that torch she left for us and make it shine brighter than before?

Patricia Jane Ellison (a.k.a. "Omifunke")
b. July 18, 1948
d. September 10, 2009

 

 

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Comments

[gardengranny]

My mom died on December 26, 2004 - it snowed on Christmas Day that year - here in the deep Deep South.

Mama had been comatose for 10 days, and we saw the unusual snow - which stayed on the ground for three days - as a sign.

She was far older than your mother, Mr. Ellison, and had lived a good long life, with four daughters born to her late.

We all doted on her, and were often told that we "spoiled" her. And we did.

My your mother and mine rest in eternal peace. My deepest condolences.

[noralou]

My condolences on the loss of your mother. It has been almost 5 years since mine died and I still miss her and wish that she and her innate goodness was still around.
It is wonderful that you have so many good memories of your mom -- hang on to them, it is a blessing when you are feeling sad.

[unitron]

My condolences, especially to her grandchildren. If you couldn't have forever, at least you should have had far longer.