Heidi Klum Serves Up Venom - With A Swirl of Frosting

In one of the funniest stories to come out of Hollywood recently, Heidi Klum reportedly sent Victoria "Skeleton" Beckham a dozen of the decadent Sprinkles cupcakes for her birthday. It gets better: The attached note added that a dozen would be coming every Friday for the rest of the year.

I'll admit it. I totally laughed at this. The irony is as sweet as, well, a cupcake. But the more I thought about it, the more Mean Girls/Vicious PR Stunt it seemed. I love Heidi Klum (I used to be a Project Runway junkie before I gave up TV) but girlfriend seems to fall totally in the "genetically blessed" department. While Posh, for all of her too-skinny foibles, seems to have to work very hard for her (stick) figure. It seems mighty cruel to throw that in her face for 52 weeks straight.

If Heidi were truly concerned about Posh's health, she wouldn't have sent her cupcakes. Brown rice and salmon, maybe. Plus breath mints. If she were a true friend, she wouldn't have done it such a public manner either. And I'm sure it's no coincidence it comes on the heels of Ms. Beckham's interview with Barbara Walters in which she declared she would never, ever eat a cookie.

There's competition. Like a little friendly trash talking in the gym. And then there's competition. We women can be notoriously catty with each other. For instance, when you tell an embarrassing story about your friend in public to make yourself look smarter. Or when we let a friend go out in a fugly dress because we know we'll outshine her at the club. This cattiness can be very insidious. But why? There are myriad of reasons why we'd want to keep a sister down.

I Hate to Admit This

In my past life as a waitress, there were few customers more irritating than the woman who would order the prime rib with mashed potatoes & creme brulee but then insist that all the fat be trimmed from her meat, her potatoes be made with the skins on and cooked with no butter in soy milk and the creme brulee be fat free with Splenda caramelized on top. We'd generally do no more than an exaggerated eye roll but if she kept complaining and sending it back to get "fixed", well then, we'd, um, fix it. Especially if she was a teeny tiny gorgeous model type. It was like we felt it was our duty to fatten her up. And punish her for being more gorgeous, successful and rich than we lowly waitresses.

I can't believe I'm telling you this (guilty conscience, much?). My fellow wait staff and I would intentionally slip crap into her food. Not literal crap, thank you very much. But we'd pour oil and butter over her veggies. We'd pre-butter her rolls. We'd *gasp* switch out her diet Coke with real Coke. Even the chefs would get in on it by purposely choosing the fattiest cut of meat or ladling on an extra cup of Bernaise sauce.

All of which is not to say that you should fear your waitress every time you go out to eat. We saved this awful behavior for the select few who made royal pains out of themselves. (Seriously - don't order prime rib if you can't handle the "marbling." There is no possible way we can cut out all of the intramuscular fat for you. Order a chicken breast. Or the kabobs. Asking for a few substitutions is fine but don't try and rewrite the evening special's entire recipe. ) Wait - did I just try and rationalize that?

My point is that I've been on both sides of this equation. It doesn't feel good. When will we learn as women that tearing each other down does nothing more than lower the entire playing field?

Although if you do think your diet Coke tastes like regular, then it probably is. Sometimes we just ran out of diet.

Comments

[psgoodguy]

i WAS i the FBI (food-beverage industry) for 35 years. it used to be really straight forward. the last 15 years, or so, it just got ridiculous with clients, like you say, re-writing the menu for themselves. obviously they've never been screamed at by a psycho chef or they'd never ask you to do that. my last 10 years in the biz i worked 5-star fine dining and, oy, the rich self-important republicans with a sense of entitlement were the freaking worst. finally, i could no longer act like i cared a flying fig about their bazaar eating habits, completely unreasonable requests and quit.

the icing on the cake would be when some one (almost always a woman) would strip her entree down to nothing and then complain because it tasted bland. oh how they'd pout and sulk while giving their husband that look that said "will you PLEASE humiliate this server so i don't look so stupid".

never again.

[CharlotteHilton]

Glad I'm not the only who is permanently scarred by their past life as a server!! You are so right about the women stripping it down and then complaining.

[ObamaEdwards]

That should be "myriad reasons" not "a myriad of reasons." But, hey, girlfriend, I hear you. LOL

[Hart]

This is incorrect. The idea that "myriad of" is incorrect usage has snowballed into such a bewildering phenomenon that people routinely cite others for its usage in the place of what they "really" mean: myriad (wthout "of"). In actuality, BOTH expressions are perfectly appropriate and grammatically correct. Check any comprehensive dictionary for validation ... and I'm sure there are many websites that explain the derivation and historical usage of both expressions.

[Gingerously]

Thoreau used the latter, so it can't be that incorrect.

I tend to order the most fattening item on the menu, but waitresses are always mean to me.

[CharlotteHilton]

Thanks for catching that! I fixed it:)

[situationcritical]

There's no way you could fool me with diet coke. I know diet Coke when I taste it. It's absolutely foul.

[CharlotteHilton]

I completely agree. I can't stand the flavor of artificial sweeteners. Give me straight-up sugar anytime!

[rini]

It's weird. I never drank regular soda as a kid. I hated it when I tried it at parties....too bubbly.

As a teen I began to drink Tab. Now I only like diet. Regular tastes like syrup and makes me want to brush my teeth. I have to say, though, that aspartame makes me a little nauseous. I like sucralose and even saccharine.

[ReelBusy]

Same here.
I can tell the difference between all the Cokes and the Pepsi products.
BTW, Pepsi sucks.
Long live Classic Coke!

[MsLiz]

Bring back Coke with sugar, not corn syrup. It was much better.

[prdamericanmom]

Buy the bottles of Coca Cola from Mexico. We love the real sugar, too! And if you like Dr. Pepper, get the kind from Dublin, Tx. (well, it's not bottles there anymore, but it is still made with real sugar, as well). Yummy!

[Charity]

ditto to that MsLiz.

btw, awhile back a kid approached me just outside the library. she and her mother/father had set up a table and were conducting a taste test for a school project. they asked me to participate: could i tell the difference between coke and pepsi? (i'm still not sure if that was the REAL intent of the project - perhaps it was a psychology project as in: who will blindly drink what we tell them it is with mom/pop nearby to lend authority to the project....LOL.)

after taking my sips, it took me about a second and a half to say: this one is pepsi; that one is coke. and i was right. didn't have to think about it or roll it about in my mouth.

that being said, since the usage of high fructose corn syrup, neither one tastes good anymore - both are bland, yucky concoctions.

since i do like sodas (i know...i know...), when i lived out west i preferred the cheap shasta cola (even with high fructose corn syrup it actually has taste). and then later i was able to buy Jones Real Sugar Cola.

for a cola fix, try Jones. sugar won't put as much blubber on you as that crap high fructose corn syrup (which is in EVERYTHING today.)