Why do award shows mean so much to us?
The Golden Globes, the Screen Actors Guild Awards, the Grammys, the Oscars -- it's as if our world comes screeching to a halt once that red carpet rolls out. We sit awestruck, watching as the entertainment industry's elite accept their many accolades.
It's easy to understand why folks in the music or entertainment biz get jazzed up. Their horse winning or even being in the running can mean beaucoup de dollars and loads of glory.
But what about the rest of us? Millions and billions of the rest of us are not directly affected by these awards, so why do we get so excited?
Why do we say things like, "I love Meryl Streep but for the love of God, don't give her another award!" Why do we have lengthy conversations about how brilliant Matthew McConaughey was in Dallas Buyers Club but add, "The man doesn't have a modest bone in his body!"
OK, yes, I was projecting. I get sucked in too!
I got sucked into the Grammys, when Queen Latifah performed 33 weddings (gay and straight) after we were serenaded by Macklemore, Ryan Lewis and Mary Lambert.
But you totally lost me when the two men (Are they men? They are not DEVO) dressed as robots raked it in. Yes, KISS wore makeup, but this Daft Punk helmet thing is, well, daft.
In this new world of entertainment, where reality shows about fighting over storage units or rednecks (some with really big mouths) hunting ducks get as much play as shows with actors, why not go a step further?
Why not have an awards show that celebrates everyday people excelling in everyday jobs, the Everyday Excellence Awards?
Categories can include Mom of the Year, Dad of the Year, Most Inspired Plumber, Doctor Who Saved the Most Lives, Most Beloved Nurse, Manicurist With the Biggest Following, Most Creative Travel Agent, and Fastest Short-Order Cook.
I'm talking about some real reality television!
Our host? No celeb glory here. The nominees for Most Amazing Motivational Speaker will co-host. Presenters can include nominees for Most Charming Maître D' and Funniest Taxi Driver.
The trophy can be a golden vacuum cleaner that really works, 'cause you know everyday folks probably have to clean their own house.
I'd like to kick things off right now and nominate Mamie for Facialist of the Gods. The woman really knows how to exfoliate.
I'd also like to nominate Lorraine for being the Best Cutter of Curly Hair, Harry for being the Most Punctual Air-Conditioner Repairman, Paul as Funniest Exterminator, and Linda for being the Kindest Social Director for Senior Citizens. She even got my dad to play Bingo. Trust me, that took talent.
Whom would you nominate?