By any standard, the death of Tyler Clementi is a tragedy.
At this point, you're probably well aware that late last month Clementi, an 18-year-old Rutgers University student, killed himself by jumping off the George Washington Bridge between New York and New Jersey; he did this apparently because his college roommate and a friend had surreptitiously set up a web-cam in his dorm room and streamed a sexual encounter he had with another man on the internet. Clementi's death is the latest in a series of recent and highly publicized suicides of kids, some of whom were or believed they might be gay, two of whom were only 13.
Once again, genuinely heartbreaking tragedies? Absolutely.
But an epidemic? Not a chance.
And yet that's not stopping many in the media from desperately attempting to connect dots that in reality have no connection whatsoever and trying to draw some larger conclusion from the series of similar but entirely unrelated events. Statistically, there's been no recent increase in the number of documented bullying incidents, nor has there been an increase in the number of teen suicides nationwide; there's simply coincidence and an American press that's suddenly attuned to spot items of a certain kind and broadcast them far and wide, creating a strangely symbiotic feeding frenzy wherein the stories reported in the news seem to inspire new incidents like the ones that created those stories in the first place. There weren't really more sharks making the conscious decision to attack unfortunate swimmers in the summer of 2001; there were just more reported -- and reported on -- shark attacks.
And if you believe quite a few news outlets, that's what the autumn of 2010 is shaping up to be: the new Summer of the Shark. Only with bullies.
There's nothing particularly wrong with drawing attention to an issue that negatively impacts a lot of people, and obviously kids getting the crap kicked out of them by bigger, more popular, more obnoxious kids has been a problem for generations. Throw in digital age technology, which now allows for the psychological torment that used to be confined only to school to be relentless and omnipresent, and you've certainly got yourself a topic that on the whole is worth discussing. But it's one that can and should be reported without the sort of hype that accompanies a supposed "epidemic"; the story is good enough on its own without having to create a bombastic news peg to blow it out of proportion, making it sound like, no matter who you are, bullies are waiting right outside your door to shake you down for your lunch money or have told everyone online that you're gay. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that the gay angle that many in the media are putting front and center right now is really the least controversial thing about the death of Tyler Clementi. That's because of one undeniable fact: Tyler Clementi isn't really dead because he was gay.
Don't get me wrong, as with at least three other cases this year in which a young person was harassed to the point of suicide, Tyler Clementi had his personal life splashed all over the internet because that personal life included the desire to be intimate with someone of the same sex. The desperate wish not to see that exposed, ostensibly, led him to kill himself. But this doesn't explain why his tormentors, the roommate and friend, felt no compunction about violating Clementi's privacy in such an egregious and cruel manner. They didn't feel like they could do it because, well, the kid's a queer, so who cares. They felt like they could do it because everybody does it. A good portion of our media culture is now based on prurient voyeurism and a constant invasion of privacy. The public disclosure of a person's most intimate secrets and moments is no longer considered shameful or condemnable -- it's just called entertainment. Why wouldn't a couple of college kids turn their classmate into an unwitting reality TV star? It's basically the same toxic horseshit they grew up watching on MTV, VH1 and E! For all they knew, maybe Tyler Clementi would've loved the mainline of notoriety. If the dipshits on Jersey Shore don't have a problem mining their most repugnant traits in the name of 15 minutes of fame -- if anyone can go to YouTube and post video of a guy complaining about how there are rapists in his neighborhood and suddenly turn that guy into a viral sensation and his complaints into a catch phrase -- why the hell can't two Rutgers freshmen live-stream a roommate in bed with a man? This is the age of the unauthorized sex tape. This is Bentham's Panopticon come to fruition on a global scale. You're always being watched. You're always on camera. You have no expectation of privacy. Clementi should have known that, right?!
Which brings me to the person whose name I'm loathe to even mention for fear it'll give him more publicity and credibility than he already gets and has: Perez Hilton.
The erstwhile Mario Lavandeira has joined a group of celebrities advocating understanding and tolerance for gay young people and reaching out to them in an effort to let them know that suicide isn't the answer if they're being victimized by bullies -- particularly cyber-bullies, who mercilessly persecute their prey via the internet. Perez says that he's "beyond sad, crushed" that there are kids like Tyler Clementi out there being bullied because they're gay or think they might be gay, and that he's stepping up to provide a "role model" for the LGBT youth of America. Someone they can look to and realize that there may very well be untold wealth and success at the end of the, pardon the pun, rainbow. In case you're missing the staggering irony of all this, let me spell it out for you: Perez Hilton is the world's most famous cyber-bully. His entire career is based on publicly humiliating anyone he personally feels deserves it and he and his website are at the forefront of America's culture of shameless voyeurism and a constant, irrepressible invasion of privacy. It's because someone like Perez Hilton has spent the past few years making himself rich by indiscriminately circulating images of Miley Cyrus's crotch to the world that the two teenagers who tortured Tyler Clementi likely didn't think that what they were doing was a big deal.
What's more, the hypocrisy of Perez coming to the defense of Clementi -- a kid who was outed against his will -- is just fucking stupefying. This is the same sanctimonious turd who took credit for personally outing Lance Bass and who's been on an almost non-stop crusade to expose anyone gay he omnipotently deems necessary. The guy who delights in labeling certain men who prefer not to discuss their sexuality "fags," who draws semen on their faces, and who once said, "If I have to drag some people screaming out of the closet, I will." So what's the difference between "some people" and, say, Tyler Clementi? The difference, I'm sure Perez would say, is that Clementi wasn't a celebrity.
But here's the thing: If he had savored the attention brought on by his very public private sexual encounter instead of letting it destroy him, given our current culture, he may very well have become one.
In some ways, he became one regardless.
(A portion of this was inspired by comments made by Jim Norton yesterday on The Opie and Anthony Show, Sirius XM radio. Thanks, Jimmy, for helping to put into words what had been bugging me for a week.)
Follow Chez Pazienza on Twitter: www.twitter.com/chezpazienza
There may not be an epidemic of gay kids committing suicide, but there is an epidemic of relentless harassment of gay kids by classmates whose minds have been poisoned with irrational hate. It would have been in better form if you had made a statement of common decency: gay kids are not wrong for simply existing; harassing and attacking gay kids is wrong. From the tone of your article, it doesn't look like you're willing to acknowledge that bit of common decency.
You claim to know that Clementi's tormentors didn't target him because he was gay. How could you possibly know that? Then you mock the suicidal deaths of gay kids by giving it a humorous title (complete with initial caps): "Summer of the Shark. Only with bullies." You're asking your readers to laugh along with you. What kind of human being would make fun of this? Then you finish with a LONG rant against Perez Hilton. I have to agree with the post that said using Clementi's death to attach Perez Hilton is cheap. You say the media is "desperately attempting to connect the dots". Reading your article, it's very easy to connect the dots.
http://www.suite101.com/content/are-you-the-parent-of-a-gay-child---save-their-lives--a294775
I'm sorry Mr Pazienza but it should be clear that this man had other serious issues going on in his life to allow this one incident to 'destroy' him.
What could this boy have done with his life? What could we have gained from his life?
All lost because of a prank, a stupid prank.
And to tell the truth he may very well have had something to worry about. My family all but disowned me after I came out to them, suddenly I became the family joke that you only speak about in private. I still have no real family to this day, and I have none of the friends I had when I first came out.
This is how these suicides happen, and they happen in record numbers, especially among young gay men. This is the first time I've ever heard the issue taken seriously by the media. It would be a double tragedy if we lost the opportunity to help young gay teens, struggling with thoughts of death, under some convoluted populist message about "respecting each other's privacy".
ThatBeingSaid – I would’ve been mortified had someone made a video of me having sex with another man knowing my family would be able to see the video streaming online. I’m sure you’d agree, knowing it got that far, there was plenty of bullying going on in this boy’s life before these 2 bullies took it to that level. Chez Pazienza would probably say there is no proof of that, because evidently, he’s never been on the receiving end of homophobia.
This article reeks of NOM, Focus on the Family, Exodus International and all of the other far right “Christians” who teach homophobia to their children.
It baffles the mind that “Christians”, who believe God made man, have hate in their hearts for fellow man-kind (God made man). I love when they say – we don’t hate homosexuals, we’re trying to help them – as if our lives are any of their business! I don’t, and I don’t know any homosexual that does, give a schit what any other person does with their personal lives.
I always have gotten the impression that I am on the Outside looking in. We see the world the way we are and if you are an insider you see the world from your privileged position. As a Gay man,I see the shell game and have learned to keep my eye on the shell but then realize that there is, from a Gay man's perspective, a Nut under every shell. We didn't write the rules to this game, but to level the playing field you have to change your perspective. I have heard Heterosexual men say it is no big deal being Gay and if LGBT would learn to keep their mouths shut , there life would be better. When I propose, to prove a point, that they tell people they are Gay, they flip out. Saying that isn't true. What should it matter if it is true. Then I propose that they give me permission to tell people that they are secretly Gay and they get even weirder. Saying it isn't true. Then I say "who cares if it is true". Why should truth matter? Why would you fear anyone knowing you are secretly Gay?