Organically Correct Condensed News Headlines for Your Mental Health.
Sports!
It was announced today that after his spectacular half time show at the Super Bowl, Bruce Springsteen's crotch will be placed in the Football Hall of Fame.
A late message from God (who always watches anything Super) was: "Tell Arizona they have to play the game until it's really over!"
Politics!
Brought to you by the "Obama Trap!!" .....It gets rid of unwanted GOP pests by letting them rip themselves apart in a morass of their own BS!
A well known psychic says the Republican minority will shortly get into a Thunderbird with Susan Sarandon and drive off a 300 foot cliff.
The new chairman of the GOP Michael Steele wants to reach out to the gay community but so far he's found zero Republicans who have ever knowingly talked to a gay person.
When Michael Steele was asked if he is moderate it was rumored he said: "That depends on what the meaning of the words "is moderate ...is."
Michael Steele doesn't want to change any of the Republican strategy... it seems he likes things just like they are ...Southern fried.
It has been stated that Sarah Palin sent her congratulations to Michael Steel and invited him to come visit Alaska as soon as he gets a visa.
News "As Seen on TV" & the Vaudeville Stage
In a new corporate financed version of the movie Robin Hood the story is supposedly built around Robin Hood's brilliant idea of "robbing from the nominally rich to give to the super rich."
Bush's Supreme Court appointees are being accused by some lawyers of being so conservative they have sex with the lights off.
News That American Don't Give a Rat's Ass About
There's a major change of direction happening in Europe...It's a possible return to basic socialism which, if it works returns the power to the people so they can screw it up just a little less than the corporations.
Word has it that French workers have started building Guillotines and tumbrel's and plan to have a light lunch... overthrow the right wing government and then have a late dinner with cheese... The Germans are demanding their government give October-fest furloughs in May, June and July.... Swiss chocolate employees want to shorten their hours and only make soft middles and Italian workers want to stagger their work days so they have one day on...that's it....one day on!
Short Takes
Obama has been thought to have warned that the only quick fixes in the economy will be double overtime at foreclosure offices...and more anger management classes dealing with restraining the urge to kick people in Beverley Hills.
The new Bill O'Reilly and Dennis Miller attempt at right wing humor is being called "Trivial Pursuit 2."
Last Thoughts
Last night I was watching television and saw what I thought were two Hyena's fighting over something dead... then I realized it was Sean Hannity and Michelle Malkin.