Dearest iPhone,
I have been miserable without you. When we got together when you first came to town, I was so into you. And then after a few shorts weeks, I returned you and got a Blackberry instead. All I can say now is, I AM SO SORRY.
I sit here in sorrow, wishing I could hold you. I think what happened was I had very high expectations. No phone could have lived up to them. Sure, your keyboard is tiny. But when I had time to reflect on it, I realized that the real issue was my fat thumbs. Seriously, they're like sausages. Yes, your battery still runs out relatively quickly (not a criticism), but I've realized that perhaps that's just your way of saying that you need some "iPhone" time to rest. I'm okay with that -- I swear to God I am.
I've tried to replace you over and over. I tried the Helio Ocean, the Treo 755p, the MotoRAZR maxx ve. Hell, I even borrowed my Grandma Ginny's Jitterbug. Disasters, all of them. After several months with the Blackberry, I now know that no one can make me laugh and smile and access data like you do. You are the only one that ever made me so happy. No one could ever take your place. I am an idiot. I mean, have you ever tried to watch a YouTube video on a Blackberry? Not happening!
But enough about that silly machine. All I will tell you is that I feel as if my soul has stolen my heart and left me to cry myself to sleep each and every night with guilt in my heart. God, how I miss your voice....mail feature. Visual voice mail? So advanced yet so simple. Like you.
I guess you just don't realize what you have until it's gone. I was so stupid to leave you. I can totally look past AT&T's inferior network and huge, unexplainable bills (it cost me 500 bucks to dump you -- not counting the money for Kleenex and therapy and candy and crack (off it, swear)).
I know "sorry" is just a word, but for what it's worth, I am very sorry and I beg with every ounce of my soul for you to please forgive me.
I know this seems like maybe an obvious time to take you back, with your maker giving people who bought you first some money back, but I SWEAR ON OUR LOVE that this has NOTHING to do with the fact that your price just dropped 200 dollars. I am about so much more than that. Please come back to me now. :-)
A happy kiss on your tiny, wonderful screen,
Chris
P.S. With the $200 I save, I will take you out to a fancy dinner.