It's Hard Out Here For a Czar

I love Randall Tobias. In what might be the greatest act of hubris ever, or as I like to call it The "So Implausible It Might Be True" Defense, the guy is actually saying that he called "gals" (which I also love) over to give him a massage but it was all completely legal. I get massages. The massage therapist comes to my house. My wife and kids are usually home at the time. I don't have to call an agency. The massage therapist wears a uniform. There's no role-playing. I tell her my neck or back hurts and she works on that area. I'm not saying my mind hasn't wandered while on the table. Any man who has had a woman give him a massage has to mentally talk himself off of Boner Ledge at some point. But if it's completely legal, that's usually where it stops.

But Tobias is saying that it was all on the up and up. Now, I don't begrudge the guy -- I'm sure his wife stopped wanting to touch the little czar a long time ago. But if you're the AIDS czar, it's probably not a good idea to get AIDS. Or is it? Maybe he was trying to be a more effective czar. Wouldn't that be nuts, if the AIDS czar got AIDS? And by getting AIDS, it made him better at czar-ing.

Let's face it -- czars have not had a good run lately. It almost seems like a czar has the opposite of the intended effect. It's like we appoint a czar and then the problem they were appointed to czar against gets worse.

Drug czar? Energy czar? Trade Czar? Education Czar? SARS czar? It seems like even though we've had these czars, we're actually more stoned, the Earth is more screwed up, we are MORE upside down on trade, and we're dumber than ever. Maybe, just maybe, the czars to blame. And maybe, just maybe, Randall Tobias is not another hypocritical Bush administration embarrassment. Maybe he was trying to be a better czar.