Come Back, Eliot Spitzer!

I've changed my mind. I want Eliot Spitzer back.

I'll admit it: I flew off the handle. I got worked up about the "unprotected sex with call girls" business. It was a gut thing. I've stayed at the Mayflower. Now I have to sleep on top of the bedspread, and that's no way to live.

And I let my feelings for my daughters and sisters get in the way of my practical appreciation for what a neutral-to-good thing prostitution is. (Thanks commenters!)

I've had some time to think it over and it seems to me that now, more than ever, we need men in government so honest -- and friendless -- that they have to pay for their own whores.

Men like Eliot Spitzer.

Why was a man in Eliot Spitzer's position booking his own hookers? (My brother-in-law, Charlie, says it has something to do with being a prosecutor, and seeing every partner in a criminal enterprise as a potential witness against you, later.) But I think it's sadder and simpler than that.

He did it because no one else would.

Eliot Spitzer is the kind of guy who has to throw his own bachelor party.

But he's also the kind of public servant who gets all the way to the governor's mansion without picking up a single rich benefactor willing to pick up picking up his pick-ups.

No human pays $5000 for sex. Only companies do. Because they can deduct it as entertainment. It's like when a corporation lends you their private jet to campaign in. That's what private jets are for.

Where did Eliot Spitzer screw up? He screwed up by refusing to owe anybody any favors.

Eliot Spitzer is Ralph Nader with a penis.

Isn't that the kind of man you want working for you?

--

Compare Spitzer's dreary, hotels.com shenanigans with the ease and grace of a night with Neil Bush.

Here's Neil being deposed during his divorce. His then-wife's lawyer is asking him about getting lucky on an Asian business trip and coming home with a case of Herpes (my least favorite Sherlock Holmes story, by the way):

Marshall Davis Brown: "Mr. Bush, you have to admit that it's a pretty remarkable thing for a man just to go to a hotel room door and open it and have a woman standing there and have sex with her."

Neil Bush: "It was very unusual."

Brown: "Were they prostitutes?"

Bush: "I don't -- I don't know."

...

Brown: "Did you pay them for that sex?"

Bush: "No, I did not."

Brown: "Pick them up in a sushi house?"

Bush: "No. ... My recollection is, where I can recall, they came to my room."

--

See? That's how it should work.

And I know what you're going to say: Neil Bush can do what he wants. He's not the government. But who's being naïve, now, Kay?

--

Maybe we need some kind of public financing system for degrading, dehumanizing illicit politician sex. Get the special interests and the big money out. Just put a little check-off box on everyone's taxes. Call it the 1040SLEZ-E.

--

By the way, it only took forty-eight hours to find Spitzer's "Kristen," and she was working for an international call-girl ring, under an assumed name. It's been 22 days, and completely legitimate businesswoman Vicki Iseman -- who did absolutely nothing wrong with John McCain -- is still missing.

Comments

[darker]

Don't drink REPUBLICAN KOOL-AID that incriminates everybody BUT THEMSELVES.

If you care about yourself, family and America, DON'T VOTE REPUBLICAN EVER AGAIN.

They showed that they are capable of a cabal to crash the economy, country, world.Trust them with NOTHING. Because that's exactly WHAT THEY'LL GIVE YOU.

[jwpilcher]

Thanks Chris! I loved the Ralph Nader line.

But before we think of bringing Eliot back, we must first ask ourselves whether this country could survive being run by a bunch of human beings? CRAZY! Law breaking, mistake making, fornicating, humans? C'mon now. Can you imagine the traffic on I-89 alone with all the pols driving under 55 mph? I'm not sold. Let's just throw this guy Spitz in the clink for 20 years for paying for sex and turn Albany over to Silver and Bruno already!

[WilliePilgrim]

I can't help but take note, and I hope the author does too, that after a week of being prominently displayed and concerning an issue that gets more press time than the Chinese and their murderous ways in Tibet, there are still less than 150 comments; that after the last several pieces from Chris that seemed to gathering a wider readership. I wonder why that is? Seriously.
Chris, we could use some serious satire and lampooning to help the barbs of reality penetrate and hopefully reach the target of understanding.
There seems to be a couple of nice fat issues that no one is touching with humor...I personally am wondering why none of the candidates that I've heard are as of yet signed up and excited about the upcomming science debate sponsored by the AAAS. There are quite a few outlandish notions ready for deflation based on the popular understanding of science and climate debate...if you dare.

[blondesprite]

Eliot Spitzer got the Valerie Plame treatment for outing the OCC and predatory lenders. Do I want Spitzer back? In a word, YES!

[knowhelpnow]

Get the whole picture please.
What important news took a back seat to yet another sex article, maybe the bailing out of another bank gone wild while homeowners lose their homes because of unregulated banking system or look the other way when the banks use illegal practices to make more money another big business take all. Does anyone remember the words predatory lending?

[StinkyPete]

Maybe the two are related -

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/02/13/AR2008021302783.html

[US55588144]

The Journalists stayed out of people's private lives and indiscretions years ago and reported relevant news only. The scumbag media today breaks it's ass looking for scandal. Alan Dershowitz told Campbell Brown that the reason Spitzer did what he did was because men frequently think with the wrong organ. He said that the story about Spitzer would be on page 26 if it happened in Europe.

[writerforhire]

I want to say I'm offended by Mr. Dershowitz's comments and yet, I know it's true. Business deals are sealed with oral sex. That is a fact. Sex is currancy. I want to add regarding the "high class" hooker. By now, we all know she is not, was not and never will be high class. She was well paid. If the Hip Hop honey was high class, Mr. Spitzer would still be in office and the whore would be on the east side well kept and well paid and quiet.

[Cooltruth]

It wasn't the whore that ratted him out. They were wiretapping for evidence in another case & his phone conversations got recorded in the mix... Why want Spitzer back? Give the Lt Gov a chance at being Governor. See if he does any better...

[americanworker]

Time to get over the "Good christian Hipocracy" which is ruining this country. Legalize prostitution and get a natural act out of the courts and leave it to only Tabloid headlines. We are supposed to have a separation of church and state , so it should become actual not hipocritical.

[appleknocker]

I wish people who rant about hypocrisy would learn how to spell it.

[starman1695]

I think you've all missed the point. I could not care less if some jerk wants to dunk his dickie with whomever will accept it. BUT.....when it is the same jerk that is passing laws that will incarcerate me for doing the same thing, then I get pissed! It was the exact same situation with Larry Craig. I think everyone one of them should be hung by their balls. Perhaps the other hypocrites in government (local, state and federal) will get the message.

And, oh how remorseful they become....once they've been caught!

[Jsens3]

Come on, folks. Lighten up! Americans and Brits love sexual scandal! What's the matter with that? Everybody knows the rules; get caught and you have a problem. It happens to Republicans and Democrats, priests, ministers, school superintendents, and many, many others. It sure is fun to watch. Eliot just got caught in a honey trap, that's all. Now he get to "twist slowly in the breeze." Ha ha.

[daddysboy]

You had me laughing with the Sherlock Holmes comment, but seriously, throwing rocks in glass houses is an American tradition that needs to die.

[brooklyncitizen]

It's overblown reagrdless of the "it is illegal" cries.

So is invading a sovereign nation
Firing judges because they don't agree with DOJ
Rigging and stealing elections
Torture
Libby
Dismantling the constituiton
Govt corruption- where' DeLay?
War crimes

I simply cannot get worked up over this...it is absurd by comparison to everything that has been happenning these last 7 years. I like Spitzer, even though he is a Hillary supporter...and we need people like him that are actually doing SOMETHING right in govt....

[daddysboy]

Yes, I am more than a bit weary of the completely biased and unbalanced enforcement of this nation's laws. Judges were supposed to prevent this nonsense by injecting reasonable thought into the final part of the process but I think they were bought and sold long ago. Maybe we should develop some kind of weight system that could be applied to the legal code a bit more meaningful than the current misdemeanor/felony classifications. I am also a strong advocate of giving a shelf-life to laws. The law that was used to prosecute Spitzer hadn't been used in years.

[bowserbois]

Mr Spitzer hasn't been prosecuted yet. Persercuted, maybe. He has only resigned, waiting I would assume for the other shoe to drop and then he will be prosecuted. I'm with the others here, that we need to drop some of the laws on the books. I believe he should be hung up by the balls for being a hypocrite. He busted many for doing the same thing he was doing.

[rboylern]

While I don't think that stepping out on your spouse is generally a good idea to begin with, even so people do it. So that's that. If Mr. Spitzer wanted to go stepping with a hooker, that's his business. What bother's me here is that he came across as squeaky clean while vigorously prosecuting doxies, now he turns right around and hires them for his own pleasures. Say one thing, do another - nope. Not a good thing in the political arena. He could have been more discreet about his private affairs.

[SmellyOne]

"If Mr. Spitzer wanted to go stepping with a hooker, that's his business."

So breaking the law is a private matter? What about all the "criminals" Spitzer went after as AG? Were those just "their business" and Ellito Spitzer had no right to prosecute them?

Get your head out of the sand.

[daddysboy]

Law-breaking is ignored when it shouldn't be far too often and law-breakers that shouldn't be prosecuted are tried far too often. This is part of living in a country with such a complex legal system with many contradictions and variations from region to region. What doesn't usually happen is that they are prosecuted for ancient laws that should have been taken off the books already. The is the legal equivalent of jay-walking and Spitzer should remain on that basis alone.

[TellingTruth2Kooks]

Governor Spitzer should resign just because he is a Creepy reprobate, who managed to bamboozle the Voters of New York State, who took an oath to uphold ALL OF THE LAWS of his STATE!!!

None of his Hookers or their Masters tricked him out, but instead it was his NUMEROUS FINANCIAL TRANSACTIONS that caught the attention of Banking Regulators, whereas they asked the FBI to investigate Governor Spitzer to see if he was the Victim of Blackmail or some other Extortion Scheme. The FBI just followed the Money Trail and this is where we are at.

So obviously this wasn't a One-Time Fling, but an ongoing descending spiral of Moral Depravity. He was living a Secret Life and this can't be what we as citizens can expect from our elected leaders, especially from those who ran their campaigns on the very standards they claim to possess, but fail to live up to in their private life.

Ok, so now that the First Shoe has Dropped, what other evidence is the FBI keeping from us, the "Public", regarding his perverse sexual desires, that frightens a Hard Core Prostitute? You have to know that if the FBI was able to turn a Prostitute, that she in turn worked hand in hand to gather evidence that would seal an air-tight case against Governor Spitzer. The evidence must by the very nature of todays technology be captured on Digital Audio & Video devices and sitting in a Federal Prosecutors wall safe somewhere in Washington DC. Considering that his wife is fairly Liberal, it makes one wonder just how Kinky and Dangerous his perversions really are that he felt that he was unable to approach her to fulfill his Morbid Sexual Desires, and therefore was forced to hire an out of State Prostitution Ring to provide "Pre-Bribed" women to indulge his sickness.

But when I read the indictment, what I found that was really curious, isn't "Client #9", but "Client #10" and how this piece of evidence snuck out to the Public. Just who is Client #10, and why did they arrange for a Hooker to come to Chicago, the Night of March 4th to service some BIGWIG the Night of Super Tuesday pt2? They would have to have known that their Wife would be distracted by attending the Various Rallies, Parties and other gatherings, and would be able to slink away for a Dalience of his own.

Hey Barack Hussein Obama, are YOU CLIENT #10?

[BuyMoreAmmo]

Re: "client #10

I really don't give a rat's ass if he is #10.

I'd rather have some whore dog like FDR, LBJ or JFK in the Casa Blanca that the moralistic pin headed moron that's there now. Wonder how many young men and women died from the above trio's whoring around?
"Clinton lied, no one died!" And Spitzer told the truth and no one died either.

Idaho Senator Widestance should be the poster pervert for the Repuklican Party, not because he got caught cruising the crapper but for all their holier-than-thou sanctimony.

[AvasTiaJeanne]

After reading through many of the comments posted here, I see that many feel that Spitzer's extra-marital adventures were really no big deal. "Sex is normal, it's a human urge to bump and grind, a lot of married couples have "agreements" about this sort of thing, etc., etc., etc."

Aside from the fact that he was a public official, a role model for his three daughters, and someone who spent a great deal of his professional life trying to "clean up" just exactly this type of thing, I have found no one who mentions the irony of the fact that Eliot Spitzer himself busted many types of criminal organizations, helped to forumulate laws that exacted harsher penalties, and yet was caught in this behavior himself!

Furthermore, some have hinted that since he was truly dedicated to "cleaning up" NY state government, and had in the process made many enemies, that he might have been a "target" in this, that this was a way to "get rid of him."

Well, if that was the case, why wasn't he more careful? As smart as he was, couldn't he have envisioned the fact that his "enemies" might try to "get him," and therefore, wouldn't he have been more careful to avoid this exact type of behavior, no matter how powerful the emotional/physical "urges?"

Additionally, the lack of many posters to mention the effect of all this on Spitzer's parents, his wife and his three daughters is truly mind boggling. They will be suffering all the rest of their lives from this.

It appears that many people would like to excuse this behavior. "Sex is normal...this is human behavior." YES, but what makes us civilized is the ability to RESPECT the people we love and not do things which will hurt them. What makes us HONORABLE is living up to the expectations that we set for others. Spitzer has done neither. He is sad and pathetic.

[SharonWantsToTalk]

AWW Elliot...Jesus Christ...WTF...were some of the many reactions I had to my Governors fuck up. We had such high hopes for him. I totally understand the human Elliot. His faults make him more human. Like Baracks smoking. But dammit, why did you have to pick something so totally against what you have championed against. I mean this is a Republican scandal. To have it happen to such an inspiring upstart in my own party brings a new level to disillusionment. I'm not sure where to file it in my mind.

[outnow]

The cheering on Wall Street upon hearing of Spitzer's fall says it all. Doesn't it remind you of certain people cheering after the attacks on 9-11? Why do they hate us? Is it our freedoms or our greed? I would tend to say the latter. I can never remember hating someone because they were free but I do remember hating some greedy people because they were crooks and got too greedy.

We need more people like Spitzer. It was Lincoln who praised General Grant when Grant was attacked because he smoked cigars and drank whiskey. Lincoln stated that maybe all of his generals should drink and smoke because maybe then they would win some battles.

If Lincoln was right, maybe more rather than fewer call girls should be available. You can't tell me that these same Wall Street types are not driving up the cost themselves. Legalize sex workers and outlaw financial fraud (OR ENFORCE THE LAWS THAT EXIST). We would all be better off. Some marriages are nothing but a legalized form of sex working. Rich trophy wives vs. sex workers - what is the difference?