Get Sarah Palin's New Book -- Free!

I know. I couldn't believe it either. The idea that I could get Sarah Palin's new book for nothing. Or that Sarah Palin had written a new book. Or written an old book. Or read an old book. Or used an old book to swat black flies. But there it was in red letters, a banner ad across the top of Newsmax.com:

LATEST: GET SARAH PALIN'S NEW BOOK, JUST PAY SHIPPING! CLICK HERE

Now, I'm just your average hockey mom, but I've taught my children you never click on internet ads. "Rink," I like to say to my eldest, "if it seems too good to be true, it probably is." She'll shoot back something like, "You mean like the Resurrection?" But that's not important. I've done my job as a parent. And even if she gets a cache full of cookies, or ends up in h-ll, I've still got the twins, Bick and Luz.

Still, if you can't trust Newsmax, what can you believe? The late Ronald Kessler works there, and he broke the Reverend Wright story and got every single fact wrong except the words "Chicago" and "church." So I clicked.

And yes, you really can get Sarah Palin's new book, and just pay shipping!

Except it's an old book, it's not by Sarah Palin, you'll pay three times the cost of shipping, and you'll have to subscribe to Newsmax magazine.

Plus I assume my computer is now full of spyware and porno, and not even the kind I like. Hate. Like.

"Sarah Palin's new book" turns out to be a biography by Kaylene Johnson. It's Sarah Palin's book not in the commonly understood sense of a work belonging to its author, as in "Arthur Hailey's Airport," but in the Newsmax sense, of a book being authored by its subject, as in "Airport, the new book by an airport."

It's "new" in the sense that it was published last April, before the election, and before Palin was even tapped as John McCain's running mate. The words "John McCain" don't appear in the index. It has not been updated.

Wait, that isn't exactly true. The cover is different. See if you can spot the change.

Sarah Palin's new book:

Kaylene Johnson's old book:

See? It used to be called:

SARAH: HOW A HOCKEY MOM TURNED ALASKA'S POLITICAL ESTABLISHMENT UPSIDE DOWN

And now it's called:

SARAH: HOW A HOCKEY MOM TURNED THE POLITICAL ESTABLISHMENT UPSIDE DOWN

So it's not really new, so much as revised. And it's revised in the sense that they've removed the word "Alaska" from the subtitle and replaced it with the article "the."

Still, you can't beat the price. Free free free. "Just pay shipping." Which, for a 5.6-ounce book in a large envelope sent First Class via the US Postal Service would be $1.68. Or $5.95 in Newsmax world.

Plus $39.95 to subscribe to their ghastly magazine.

So let's review. By:

GET SARAH PALIN'S NEW BOOK, JUST PAY SHIPPING!

Newsmax means:

GET AN OLD BOOK ABOUT SARAH PALIN, JUST PAY $45!

Where do I sign?

--

On a personal note: The Huff Post commenter community points out that I recently used the word "nauseous" when I meant "nauseated." A mortifying mistake. But again, I'm just a hockey mom.

Comments

[Woodmist]

heh, If it's not filled with pictures and some color by number drawings none of her illustrious "real American" followers will be able to understand it. In fact, neither will Sarah.

[Yola]

Not even for heat.

[susiesorority]

Free = Don't Bother.

[dahpunkster]

I think the repubs are using all the money they get in shipping to be re embersed for all the money they lost on Sara Palin's warddrobe.If they are as broke as we are , they probably charged it all.

[scottarino]

Palin's book needs to be one of those small , pocket-sized, cartoon books that spew real extreme Christianity fear that a certain type of folk leaves in various places for people to find. I think they're called bible tracts.

[rwt1138]

Amazon has this book bundled with some sci-fi/horror book called Terror Occulta.

Seriously.

http://www.amazon.com/Sarah-Hockey-Turned-Political-Establishment/dp/1414330502/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1228679080&sr=8-1

Apparently, Amazon thinks that people who enjoy reading about Sarah Palin' s political career would also enjoy reading about a future in which humanity is terrorized by genetically modified predators that eat people.

Oddly enough, that sounds about right to me.

[rwt1138]

I thought I was the only person on the planet who corrected nauseous/nauseated. Yet another strangely idiosyncratic subcommunity found on the World Wide Web.

This is why I always read your columns, Chris. I always come away feeling better. In fact, your last one cured my eczema!

Thanks again!

[Nan2008]

Do you realize that Sarah 'WHO' majored in Journalism in College...It only took her 5 years and 6 different universities to graduate? WOW.

[wot]

I'm a little suspicious of that 'Journalism' degree. I think those schools were two-year associate degree programs. Maybe she took a class in Creative Writing? That's close to a degree in Journalism.

[Coattails]

Well, I would guess she probably gets some royalty, which is maybe 2-3 bucks per copy of the book that gets sold in normal book stores.

With snubbing Oprah, who usually turns anything she touches into gold, I would bet Sarah Palin sells a ton of these books and makes at least a million dollars.

This of course would be a precedent to any autobiography she may write, but she will likely run for another gubernatorial seat in 2010, and once she is termed out she will write another book that gives her money.

She will get a lot of money from this book alone, whether you buy it or not. She is probably the most widely known conservative nationwide at the moment to the point right now that I sincerely doubt she won't make a nice profit from just this book.

[andhakari]

It smells like a Republican tax cut.

[davispty5]

LMAO!

[johnnygoodwud]

does it come with free crayons?

[staticnoise]

Thing is there are enough "real Americans" who believe Sarah's turds don't stink, and will happily pay the price. Not being a real American I won't be buying it or checking it out of the library. Some one write book about her with the subtitle Lipstick on a bulldog. Well maybe not it would be old informing the knuckle draggers John was the bulldog, Sarah the lipstick.

[KayJay90]

I suspect there are enough "real Americans" of the stripe you describe that are hurting financially as much as we "un-Americans" who wouldn't touch the book with a 10 foot pole, so this offer is specifically for them, to give to all their friends as Christmas presents...

...the only way they'd be able to afford such a wonderful gift... (/sarcasm)

[Aranxa]

Too bad it wasn't written by Palin. It would have been really interesting to read a book with no verbs.

[hadassah23]

... and one continuous run on. You'd need to go on oxygen to read it.

[ejazzed1059]

i wouldn't buy it if you paid me....

[Athena123]

My bad. She didn't "write" this book after all. It's a book written about her. That solves the mystery of how a woman who doesn't read would actually sit down to write a book. Now the world makes sense to me again.

[jlnum03]

Sarah doesn't read? Amazing...ooooh, you are sooooo witty!

[vinceoffer]

She reads, alright, she just can't tell you what she read, from what source it was read, or quote anything that was in the content of what she read. Other than that, she's read "all of the newspapers and magazines".