Mitt Romney will stand in front of the handsome but useless old battleship Wisconsin this morning and name a running mate, probably handsome but useless Wisconsin congressman Paul Ryan. Get it? They both have a connection to the word Wisconsin! It's like fate! Or that movie The Last of Sheila, where six rich creeps are posed in front of the yacht "Sheila" so the letters in the name (over their heads) tell you which one's a child molester. That was a good movie.
Neither Romney nor Ryan have ever spent an afternoon in the Navy, or any other branch of the United States Armed Forces, nor heard a shot fired in anger, but what the hell. If there's one thing Paul Ryan likes, as laid out in his famous "Path to Prosperity" budget, it's weapons spending:
"... this budget restores about half the funding cut by the President and ensures that the defense budget grows in real terms in each year..."
(The Path to Prosperity, p. 23)
... which sounds like something that would add to the deficit, and reduce prosperity, but what do I know? Paul Ryan has a B.A. in economics. We're lucky we can understand even half of his fancy ideas.
Also, Paul Ryan's "Path to Prosperity" spells out exactly where he's going to find the money to buy more guns every year forever: He's going to crack down hard on rich tax cheats who game the system.
Paul Ryan's "Path to Prosperity" really, really hates those swanky sneaks with their slippery accounting tricks. And just because it's legal doesn't make it right, either. Any ticket with a Paul Ryan on it gets into office? Those guys' asses are grass. Look:
"The tax code is patently unfair: Many of the deductions and preferences in the system -- which serve to narrow the tax base -- were lobbied for and are mainly used by a relatively small group of mostly higher-income individuals."
(The Path to Prosperity, p. 59)
"All of the deductions, loopholes and carve-outs in the tax code don't just add to the code's complexity - they add to its unfairness as well."
"... these tax preferences are disproportionately used by upper-income individuals... For instance, the top 1 percent of taxpayers reap about 3 times as much benefit from special tax credits and deductions... than middle-income earners and 13 times as much benefit than the lowest income quintile."
"A code with high rates and lots of loopholes benefits those who can afford the best lawyers and lobbyists in Washington... those with political muscle usually take the path of least resistance by pushing for special deductions and carve-outs. This not only lowers their effective tax rates, but also enables them to use the complexities of the tax code to stack the deck against their competitors. There's nothing fair about that."
"The tendency of both parties to fill the tax code with loopholes also requires higher rates to compensate for lost revenue, resulting in a less efficient and less growth oriented tax system."
"Like the individual income tax, the corporate tax contains a host of special carve-outs and deductions which serve to narrow the tax base by about 25 percent. This in turn necessitates the high rate that is undermining U.S. competitiveness."
"This budget then attacks complexity, unfairness, and inefficiency in the tax code with a set of fundamental reforms... while getting rid of distortions, loopholes and preferences that divert economic resources from their most efficient uses."
"A small group of upper class individuals?" "The 1 percent?" "Efficient uses?" "Fairness?" I know what you're thinking: Calm down, Che. But Paul Ryan can't help it. I know it reads like he's saying government should pick winners and losers, and punish people for success, but that's not it at all.
He doesn't want to hurt all the job creators. Just the ones who make a lot of money and then ceaselessly, obsessively, pathologically think of ways to not pay taxes on it.
You know, like calling your salary "carried interest." Or putting $100 million in an IRA. Or banking in the Cayman Islands. Or deducting a dressage horse as a business expense.
If Mitt Romney gets elected, and Paul Ryan ever gets his hands on one of those clowns, there will be blood.