Joe McGinniss Violates the Palins' Human Rights

06/05/2010 06:48 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

"First the Obama Administration opened up the possibility of prosecuting CIA interrogators doing their jobs seeking information from terrorists. Then they tried to go after the Bush Administration lawyers who acted in good faith to protect us in the months after 9/11. Now some of the military brass are court-martialing three brave Navy SEALs for allegedly throwing a single punch at Iraqi terrorist leader Ahmed Hashim Abed. This is wrong... The charges should be dropped, and they should be returned to their unit - with our gratitude for their service." ~ Sarah Palin, On the Moral and Patriotic Ways Torturers Get Information, March 5, 2010

"It's very creepy. Knowing that someone is going to be writing a hit piece, and he's 15 feet away from you... This [summer] is what we live for. We like to be outside and do family activities, and Big Brother is watching." ~ Todd Palin, On the Scary and Bad Ways Joe McGinniss Gets Information, June 2, 2010

"Don't look at me." ~ Christina Aguilera, "Beautiful"

I think we can all agree that when the state tortures people, that's good, and when strangers see the Palins' lawn, that's Big Brother. Journalist Joe McGinniss walked right into that one when he moved to Wasilla without their permission.

Here's how little he respects their peace and quiet: From the house he rented he can see where they're building their TV studio.

There's almost nothing Sarah Palin holds dearer than her privacy, and it you don't believe me, just check out her Facebook posts. The only thing she likes more? CIA interrogators doing their jobs seeking information from terrorists. Or suspected terrorists. Same dif.

So, for Joe McGinniss, and any other nosey Parker looking for information about someone, here's a guide - from Bush Administration lawyers who acted in good faith to protect us -- as to what's acceptable and what isn't.

Sexually Humiliating Todd Palin

From the Torture Memos:

"Although some detainees might be humiliated by this technique, especially given possible cultural sensitivities and the possibility of being seen by female officers, it cannot constitute 'severe mental pain or suffering' under the statute."

Starving Todd Palin

From the Torture Memos:

"Although we do not equate a person who voluntarily enters a weight-loss program with a detainee subjected to dietary manipulation as an interrogation technique, we believe that it is relevant that several commercial weight-loss programs available in the United States involve similar or even greater reductions in caloric intake."

Depriving Todd Palin of Sleep by Shackling Him to a Wall

From the Torture Memos:

"It is clear that depriving someone of sleep does not involve severe physical pain ... Nor could sleep deprivation constitute a procedure calculated to disrupt profoundly the senses, so long as sleep deprivation (as you have informed us is your intent) is used for limited periods, before hallucinations or other profound disruptions of the senses would occur."

Waterboarding Todd Palin

"Although the subject may experience the fear or panic associated with the feeling of drowning, the waterboard does not inflict physical pain. ... In the absence of prolonged mental harm... the use of these procedures would not constitute torture within the meaning of the statute."

Punching Todd Palin in the Face

"The facial slap and walling contain precautions to ensure that no pain even approaching this level results. ... The facial slap does not produce pain that is difficult to endure."

Smacking Todd Palin's Head Against a Wall

"You have informed us that the sound of hitting the wall will actually be far worse than any possible injury to the individual. The use of the rolled towel around the neck also reduces any risk of injury. While it may hurt ... any pain experienced is not of the intensity associated with serious physical injury."

Handcuffing Todd Palin's Wrists to his Ankles

"Any pain associated with muscle fatigue is not of the intensity sufficient to amount to 'severe physical pain or suffering' under the statute, nor, despite its discomfort, can it be said to be difficult to endure."

Handcuffing Todd Palin's Wrists to his Ankles and Locking Him in a Box

"It may be argued that, focusing in part on the fact that the boxes will be without light, placement in these boxes would constitute a procedure designed to disrupt profoundly the senses. As we explained in our recent opinion, however, to 'disrupt profoundly the senses' a technique must produce an extreme effect in the subject."

Handcuffing Todd Palin's Wrists to his Ankles and Locking Him in a Box and a Some Bees

"If you do so, to ensure that you are outside the predicate act requirement, you must inform him that the insects will not have a sting that would produce death or severe pain."

Renting a House With a View of Todd Palin's Backyard

What is this, 1984?

"Al Qaeda terrorists still plot to inflict catastrophic harm on America ... he's worried that someone won't read them their rights?" ~ Sarah Palin on privacy, Republican National Convention, 2008

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