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Chris Kelly

Chris Kelly

Posted January 20, 2009 | 07:33 PM (EST)

John Roberts Can Has Cheezburger?


Tolstoy, who liked standing around in the cold as much as the next guy, still wouldn't have thought the inauguration was a very big deal. So what if we changed one president for another?

Tolstoy would remind us that the king is history's slave. An unconscious instrument in the attainment of the aims of humanity, and the higher he stands the more people he's connected with and more evident is the inevitability of his every action. Nothing is the cause. All this is only the coincidence of conditions and the so-called great men are labels giving names to events, and like labels they have but the smallest connection with the event itself.

Yes, when it comes to Obama, Leo Tolstoy would have made a terrible Huffington Post blogger.

He'd be wrong, too. We can't talk about what happened today without conceding that there's at least something to Great Man Theory. Some men are lighting without which the fuel never would have burnt. I'm not talking about Barack Obama. I don't know enough about him, and neither do you. His kids seem nice. I'm talking about George W. Bush.

Could any other single human have changed a world so much in so little time? I don't just mean imagine Al Gore or John Kerry in charge. I mean imagine another Republican. Imagine anyone. Pat Buchanan. Pat Robertson. Pat Sajak.

Okay, Pat Robertson might have been worse. Maybe.

Did George W. Bush participate, passively or actively, in one event that wasn't a monstrous disaster? Did he alter anything except to degrade it? Did he touch one object he didn't break?

Did he make one decision that wasn't disgusting? Did he utter one statement that wasn't a cacophony of vile cant? Did he hire one man who wasn't an incompetent or a criminal?

Okay, this was supposed to be about Obama and hope, and all that. One man can make a difference, maybe. But I keep thinking about how some men change everything by ruining it. And how we might be finished with George W. Bush but George W. Bush isn't finished with us.

Take today for instance, and Barack Obama trying to figure out what John Roberts was trying to say, while Roberts tried but was unable to stumble through a ceremony a Girl Scout could perform. Honestly, how hard was that?

And the inescapable realization:

George W. Bush left his country with a Chief Justice of the Supreme Court who couldn't administer a 35-word oath without tripping over his own dick.

Tolstoy, who liked standing around in the cold as much as the next guy, still wouldn't have thought the inauguration was a very big deal. So what if we changed one president for another? Tolstoy wou...
Tolstoy, who liked standing around in the cold as much as the next guy, still wouldn't have thought the inauguration was a very big deal. So what if we changed one president for another? Tolstoy wou...
 
 
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08:18 PM on 01/24/2009
justice roberts was bush's farewell gift to obama -- a reminder that incompetence is a bush brand trademark ....look/listen carefully.....if it doesn't do what it's supposed to ...it's an original bush piece.

as angry as i am that it happened, it is good to remind america that obama voted against this man showing he always makes the right decision.
09:20 PM on 01/21/2009
I listened to Pres. Obama trying to make a speech today and he kept
flubbing up too.

He was trying to read it and when he looked away, he forgot the words too.
We all get nervous when we do something for the first time, especially when
reading it. It also included extra words on the second line and looked a little confusing. It said I....... do solemnly swear (and in brackets on the second line)
it gave a different choice to use. Looked confusing to me too.

Pres. Bush is gone now. So now comes any other area that he can be
criticized for. Just because he chose J. Roberts he shouldn't be blamed
for that mistake too.
Anyway, Pres. Obama took the oath again today from J. Roberts just so
there wouldn't be any problem with it at a later time.
06:51 PM on 01/21/2009
If it were not for George Bush does anybody believe we would have had Obama? It took us scraping bottom to decide we should use dept of character and ability to think as a critical criteria to determine who should lead the country. My belief is that it was only GB who could have made us scrape that bottom and hence we had the sense to look at the qualities in Obama.
GonzoFactor
Rationality and rationalization are not the same
09:46 PM on 01/21/2009
I believe we would have. Obama is brilliant, organized, a gifted speaker, charismatic, educated, driven, effective, and a whole lot more. He's the best thing the Democrats have had going for them in quite a while.

He is not The Messiah. But he may be the remedy for more than a decade of Republican fantasies about how the world really operates.
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JeanPaulSatire
Wordsmith, liberal, skeptical idealist, 99%er.
10:03 PM on 01/21/2009
"If it were not for George Bush does anybody believe we would have had Obama?"

Yes, many (if not most) of us do.

Implicit in your question is the (mistaken) belief that Obama somehow was elected because he looks so much better than Chïmpy. While that's true as far as it goes, a more accurate explanation is that Obama also looked so much better than *everyone* else who ran.
06:02 PM on 01/21/2009
How odd! My own appraisal of Bush's importance is quite the opposite of yours. He always seemed to me a clueless pawn, a Charlie McCarthy to Cheney's Edgar Bergen. He could easily have been replaced by countless people, from Richard Perle to Joe the Plumber and the results would have been precisely the same. He was selected for the role because he reflected the mentality of the American masses at that point in history. So Tolstoy was right.
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Glen Spangler
03:57 PM on 01/21/2009
Okay, I know it's supposed to be a rhetorical question, and it's funnier to think that Bush never even tied his shoes without knocking something over. Life would seem to make more sense, in a way, if each person were only one thing--especially the person who's supposed to be Mr. Always Wrong.

But you're not being honest with yourself if you don't consider Bob Geldof's February interview with Bush (freely available at Time.com if this address doesn't work for some reason when pasted into your browser):
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1717934,00.html

No, people aren't just one thing. Makes Bush's presidency more tragic, in a way.
06:47 PM on 01/22/2009
Thanks for the link. I'd like to say it was illuminating, but it only raises more questions. He is a strange man and less than the sum of his parts, it seems. That seems to be the way Geldoff reads him. Makes me want to pick up Geldoff's book.
GonzoFactor
Rationality and rationalization are not the same
02:02 PM on 01/21/2009
It should be "Justice Roberts Can Haz Cheezburger". It's the best title I've read here in a while, anyway.
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mommadona
I paint. I blog. Therefore, I am.
01:39 PM on 01/21/2009
'George W. Bush left his country with a Chief Justice of the Supreme Court who couldn't administer a 35-word oath without tripping over his own dick.'

ha!hahahhahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

Proof in the pudding, eh?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS78pJKLLS4&NR=1
01:32 PM on 01/21/2009
George W. Bush left his country with a Chief Justice of the Supreme Court who couldn't administer a 35-word oath without tripping over his own dick.

LOL...though he must be proud to have one big enough to trip over...
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kathy001
Don't bogart that duck
01:22 PM on 01/21/2009
LOL!!! Yesterday I was defending Roberts because I empathized with how nervous he must have been. Today I'm laughing like a loon over the realization that your final sentence is absolutely, 100% on the money!
12:53 PM on 01/21/2009
Give him a break. Justices don't speak in front of millions of people on a daily basis. It lightened up the event a bit and brought a human quality.
12:44 PM on 01/21/2009
Uh, I think Obama flubbed his lines too, Chris. Not one, but two harvard law grads.......wait, how did you put it? "Tripping over their own dicks."?
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FrankenPC
12:15 PM on 01/21/2009
Bush did do some good things regarding poverty, AIDS etc. But I have the suspicion anything altruistic was channeled through his wife or mother. I don't believe Bush himself actually had any interest in helping anyone outside his inner sanctum.
01:57 PM on 01/21/2009
I dunno...I've heard many mention the "AIDS in Africa" bit lately, and while I DO commend any advancement in that area, to the best of my knowledge any AIDS funding is subject to the "global gag rule", meaning groups that receive funding must not offer or even give referrals for abortion services. Even Bush's one arguable success has to be taken with a grain of salt.
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chelliza
07:29 PM on 01/21/2009
They are also not allowed to mention or hand out condoms. "Abstinenece only". Since it worked so well for the Palin family, he thought he would spread it around the world.
11:52 AM on 01/21/2009
Scatological m'man.
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11:47 AM on 01/21/2009
Reading Chris Kelly always fills me with hope. As long as there are still people around who know how to reference Tolstoy, trash and LOL kittehs in the same piece AND make a point, we aren't totally brain dead.
11:29 AM on 01/21/2009
He's just another Bush appointee. Heckuva job, Robbie. Give him a brain scan, then put him on permanent medical leave.