Jonah Goldberg to Base! Under Attack by Commie-Nazis!

The reviews for Jonah Goldberg's Liberal Fascism are awful, of course, and the new line from its author is that the critics just haven't read it hard enough. It's like the mis en scene in Hostel II. You'd get it, if you just watched a few more times.

Which made me feel bad, because I hadn't planned on reading it at all. I still have all these Michael Savage books on the nightstand.

(With the Savage books I just like staring the author photos on the covers. He looks like Al Goldstein without the panache. Odd that he has all this trouble with women.)

So I went to Borders and read Liberal Fascism.

I can't imagine what terms we're supposed to be judging it on. It's tragic.

It's not just that Goldberg's understanding of history would get him laughed out of a game of Axis & Allies; the index doesn't work.

Is it for young adults?

Here's the Goldberg Thesis:

Liberals are like Fascists because Fascists told people to do things and so do Liberals. The End.

Yeah, it's not exactly Umberto Eco.

I guess Jonah Goldberg is supposed to be a fun guy -- you don't grow up in a whorehouse without learning to play at least a little piano -- so it's okay that he's not very bright. And he's still just a kid, in Young Republican terms; he's not even forty. At his age George Bush was still driving drunk. But is that really an excuse?

When you buy it, you don't get to pay with play money.

Goldberg also notices that "Nazi" is short for "national socialist," which is scholarship on a level with discovering that there were mid-winter holidays that predated Christmas. (Religion's like a myth, dude!) It's the kind of thing stupid people think sounds smart. A grown man might sit there and listen to a boy say it, but only to humor him. "Well, that's an interesting thought, son, but Jesus was a historical figure. Now run upstairs. I've paid my $10, and I need to fuck your mom."

If you get to the end, you do, however, find the "rosebud" of the whole thing: Liberal Fascism is Jonah Goldberg's revenge on Gore Vidal for making William F. Buckley lose his temper.

Here:

"In 1968, in a televised debate on ABC news during the Chicago Democratic convention, Gore Vidal continually goaded William F. Buckley, eventually calling him a crypto Nazi. Vidal himself is an open homosexual, a pagan, a statist, and a conspiracy theorist. Buckley, a patriotic, free-market, anti-totalitarian gentlemen of impeccably good manners, could take it no more and responded: 'Now listen, you queer, stop calling me a crypto Nazi or I'll sock you in the goddam face and you'll stay plastered.'"

This is a pretty well-known incident. (I'm not sure why "open homosexual" is the first thing Goldberg lists in Vidal's bio, except as a synonym for "asking for it," but it's his book. I might have gone with, "author, playwright, screenwriter, veteran," but that's just me.) Most viewers remember the other guy, the impeccably well-mannered patriotic gentleman speed freak dilettante footnote, getting the worst of it, as he was the one screaming slurs and threatening to hit people.

I think Vidal compared it to watching a cuckoo clock bird pop out of Buckley's head.

But that's not how Goldberg sees it.

"It was one of the of the few times in Buckley's long public life that he has abandoned civility, and he instantly regretted it. Nevertheless, being on the receiving end of many similar insults and diatribes, I have deep sympathy for Buckley's frustration. For at some point it is necessary to throw down the gauntlet, to draw a line in the sand, to set a boundary, to cry at long last, 'enough is enough,' to stand athwart 'progress' and yell 'stop.'"

(Or I'll hit you with my purse.)

"My hope is that this book has served much the same purpose as Buckley's intemperate outburst while striving for his more typical civility."

Liberal Fascism isn't about politics or history or even making a fast buck. It's about sucking up to the boss.

"Remember that night you totally lost your shit on national TV? (Probably not, you were taking a lot of speed at the time.) Well, I thought you were swell. That mean man was totally asking for it."

I'm glad you called him a queer.

--

By the way, don't look for this incident with the dozen other references to homosexuality in the index. It's not there.

--

William Buckley, when remembered at all, will be remembered for eating it that night in 1968. The way, up until now, Jonah Goldberg's claim to fame was lifting a line from The Simpsons, "cheese eating surrender monkeys," and applying it to anyone who didn't want to fight Iraq. (And by "fight" Goldberg meant, "send somebody else.")

Goldberg doesn't get many ideas. So where'd he come up with pure gold like "liberal fascism?" Wait, look:

I'm pretty sure that's The Simpsons. The line is: "McBain to base. Under attack from Commie Nazis."

I know no one gets paid for the Internet, but someone owes someone some money.

Comments

[ilcapo]

I figure Jonah Goldberg must be dizzy with all the historical spinning...

[realpolitic]

I understand Goldberg's argument. The progressives were the liberals. A liberal publication is the New Republic. The New Republic at one time wrote editorials praising Mussolini. (Perhaps the magazine said he made the trains run on time.) Therefore, liberals are fascists. Let's see, where could this argument be faulty? I have a feeling if a second grader turned in such a paper he would fail his course. Goldberg gets a book deal from such a silly argument. Who said the right was the party of ideas? His arguments are so illogical and ahistorical that I am surprised he has not been appointed by Bush to his cabinet. Their conversations would be interesting!

[nowaterboardUSA]

I'm looking forward to Goldberg's next book -IS BECK'S ASS SURGERY CLOTH THE NEXT SHROUD OF TURIN FOR THE REPUBLICANS?

[hope4theflowers]

I won't be buying the book.Thanks for the summary.

[lbarnett]

Goldberg is the proverbial bad seed but it's not altogether his fault:

"Goldberg's career as a pundit was launched following his mother Lucianne Goldberg's role in the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, when he wrote about the "media siege" on his mother's apartment in the New Yorker.

Goldberg has spoken of his mother and the Lewinsky scandal:

"My mother was the one who advised Linda Tripp to record her conversations with Monica Lewinsky and to save the dress. I was privy to some of that stuff, and when the administration set about to destroy Lewinsky, Tripp, and my mom, I defended my mom and by extension Tripp...I have zero desire to have those arguments again. I did my bit in the trenches of Clinton's trousers."

These tapes became the focal point of the Lewinsky scandal. Jonah Goldberg was privy to the tapes and the conversations Lucianne Goldberg had with Tripp because he served as a vice president of his mother's now-defunct literary agency. When the scandal broke, Goldberg defended his mother and Tripp during the ensuing media firestorm."

It's hereditary!!!

[skatscan]

Re: Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left, From Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning

The douchebag couldn't get past the title without a blatant lie!

Since when was Mussolini an American?

And do you wonder if Wal-Mart will sell this book without an unaltered cover?

[ScroopMoth]

Is there some way I can accept Chris Kelly as my Personal Savior?

Truly, this man is God!

[realpolitic]

When fascism comes it would likely be clothed in the garb of patriotism. George Bush has applied this lesson well.

[kassandranobody]

Chris
Do you have any older brothers or maybe a single dad? As my mother used to say "I don't suffer idiots well" I have seen Goldberg on T.V. and on the radio and I wanted to call him and read to him straight out of the dictionary. He must be another alum of that crazy Jesus college, the one that supplied George Bush with all his aids in the White House.
They seem to used a reverse testing entrance exam- anyone that gets over 1000 on the SATs must be immediately disquailfied
The thing that frightens me is the dumbing down.
Language is constantly changing and if you keep catapulting the propaganda to a population that is 20% illiterate, and another 40% have pretty bad comprehension- soon liberal= fascist
But anyway keep it up Chris
How about you run for President?

[realpolitic]

Goldberg says Hitler and the Nazi's obsessed about the organic and were the origins of the green movement in Europe. Therefore, organic food is fascist.

Hitler may have bowled on Thursday's, so bowling must be fascist. If Hitler attended church or went to picnics, I guess these activities would be fascist, as well.

In the interview with Jon Stewart, Stewart was brilliant when he remarked to Goldberg that he (Goldberg) must not like when people throw the word "fascist" around too casually, so Goldberg has written an entire book where he has done just that. Goldberg laughed through the entire interview. He knows his presence on the stage of public opinion is fleeting and mostly comical. I am afraid the joke is on us, though.

[realpolitic]

Goldberg says that progressivism is actually liberalism which at one time was fascism. How he arrives at this idiotcy is by following a very tortured path of his own invention. Do not attempt to follow this path, one's mind will be left by the wayside.

His conclusion is since Hillary says she is a progressive her real meaning is that she is a fascist. I guess like some who receive messages from space, Goldberg is the only one who has figured this connection out and therefore must warn civilized society before it is too late.

[HanFeiTzu]

Another neocon whose only proximity to conflict was a paper-cut; yet they have no trouble committing others to conflict and the risk of real injury and death.

As far as I'm concerned if there is ever real justice in this world they will all be sent to Gitmo for life.

And BTW, John Stewart chewed him up for lunch the other night.

[BetterDeadthanRedState]

Goldberg's an idiot. Here's the real definition of a fascist. A fascist is the exact same thing as a neocon with the exception that fascists can make the trains run on time.

[Rooster1980]

"Jesus was a historical figure"

This is the sort of thing that stupid people think sounds smart

[research]

This book is rethug spin: "the BIG LIE". It's a deliberate attempt to "Project" conservative actual fascism taking place today, onto a mythical frankinNanny.

Rethugs 8 year olds on the playground:

"I know you are, but what am I?"

Like: Christian conservatives, compassionate, cons, Fiscal responsibility, barrow and spend,

The rethug Corporatist refrain is always a LIE.

They care about profits and power, after all what is truth?

DIE CONSERVATISM DIE!

The entire Conservative mindset, tactics and "philosophy of lies", is CORRUPT!

You are making fools of yourselves when you defend conservatism.

Jesus is a Liberal

Business CANNOT BE TRUSTED to police itself

Stewart's Ridicule was right on point.

[wisechild]

Sigh...anyone can write and publish a book, apparently, particularly in the 'fair and balanced' America.

No intellect need apply.

Chris, you and Jon Stewart took care of this mental midget but still anything written down is believed by many.

The fact that we're all talking about it just enables it to perpetuate,

I guess scholarship on the right is about on par with the Simpsons. Kind of like the Cliff notes version and an intellectual tract on socialism and facism through time.

Of course the Simpsons are superb satire but maybe Jonah doesn't see it that way or maybe he does and his book is meant to satirize?

I'm gonna save my pennies and pass. Learned enough today by reading comments here!

Thanks, Chris, you are brilliantly wicked and I love your posts!

[Dianethegardener]

Did you see him on tv last week? He was speaking at the Heritage Foundation.
I actually felt sorry for him, but not for long.
He's making money on this garbage. He at times was incoherent and I could not follow what he was saying.
Lucky for him he was with a sympathetic audience, most others would have walked out.

[raptor]

I don't intend to buy or read the book. I don't feel any compelling need to read The Flat Earther's Journal or The Creative Intelligence Watchword either. I did watch Goldberg on the Jon Stewart show; that's enough for me. He's a disciple of Ben Wattenberg's, isn't he?. I watched Ben's mini-series and his take on socialism. I recommend you do too, just to see how these people think.
I worked for a guy, a Libertarian attorney. "My friends and I" (you know who) "call Liberals 'the New Fascists'". A quick quiz by me on what he knew about fascism stopped that talk. Counseling by a member of the city council stopped his talk about me as "the only communist in the city". Those people.

[LoRiseAntlers]

The most obvious fact about American Conservatism is that those who lay claim to the title of "Conservative Intellectual",are,to the last person,are nothing but a crowd of nattering idiots.

[joja]

Wow! With his credentials, he could be the next Bush Supreme Court nominee!!

[Bocababs]

I saw Jonah Goldberg on C-Span this past week. I could not believe anyone can take this guy seriously. Talk about "spinning".....

[lovethesinner]

Chris,

Did you catch Jon Stewart's interview with Jonah Goldberg last night on the Daily Show? It's hysterical. Jon had to make an announcement before it, saying that the original interview was eighteen minutes long, and that they had to edit it for "time." (Jon had a conspiratorial grin when he said that.)

When the interiew came on, it was obvious that they had to chop it up to be able to fulfill some deal with the publisher. He kept making Jonah look like a complete fool (without trying very hard.)

I think it would be cool if we could start an online petition to get Comedy Central to air the complete interview, either on the air, or online. I have a feeling there was some really special nonsense we missed and it would be a shame to waste a chance to see the right wing at its silliest.

Maybe you could talk Stewart into letting you post it here? Alongside your post it would be so... intructive.

[londubh]

I saw Golberg on The Daily Show last night and Bolton the night before. Jon Stewart treated Bolton with more respect than that little turd. He said up front they cut an 18 minute interview down to 6. I loved it when Jon said "Is any of this interview going to be usable?" My first thought on seeing Jonah was my he's a much younger moron than I thought. You could see the contempt on Stewart's face as he interviewed/mocked him. When it was over I said that Jon treated Golberg the way he deserved.

One final comment. Has anyone noticed how the right attempts to attribute all of their totalitarian behaviors on the left?

[RumiSouth]

The Nazis were socialists the way North Korea is a People's Democratic Republic.

[LeeAnnG]

I, too, saw Goldberg interviewed by Jon Stewart last night. It's a statement about Goldberg's hubris that he would even agree to appear; otherwise he'd have to have known that he'd look like a complete idiot.

Jonah Goldberg is the personification of the word "ignoranus." That's someone who is ignorant and an asshole at the same time. Bingo.