Laura Ingraham Tells You How to Behave at Teddy Kennedy's Funeral

I once accidentally hit Laura Ingraham in the ass with a door. It wasn't one of those slapstick comedy things, where she toppled over and did a faceplant into a wedding cake or anything, but it was illustrative, nonetheless. I mean, it meant a lot to me.

I was thinking about it this morning while I watched a clip of Ingraham guest hosting the The O'Reilly Factor. She has a lot of good, sound, practical, impartial advice about how Democrats should and shouldn't remember Ted Kennedy and she especially hopes no one uses his funeral to make a big deal about health care reform.

The issue he called "the cause of my life."

Now, I already lose because I just admitted I watched Laura Ingraham guest host The O'Reilly Factor. So I was asking for it, and I feel a little like one of those people in the emergency room with a ridiculous object where it shouldn't be, and an unlikely story about how I sat on it. If I didn't want my sense of decency insulted, I shouldn't have tuned in. Be that as it may.

Laura Ingraham says she sure hopes no one politicizes the memory of Ted Kennedy, after his 47 years in politics. The end of a man's life is no time for his friends to talk about his ideas. Which won't be a problem when we lose Laura Ingraham.

After a long, full life, of course. Spent growing ever smaller and shriller, shunned by man and cursed by the Gods, like Arachne.

Here's the thing about Laura Ingraham and the door:

It's the Republican National Convention in 1996. They're nominating Bob Dole. (Talk about politicizing a funeral. Haha.) And I'm backstage in this tiny theatre, running around looking for the teleprompter operator, because we're doing a live show in a few minutes, and I have these introductions that need to be changed. And I'm not flailing around the place like Joan Cusack in Broadcast News. I'm just in a hurry. And I go though this door and it taps Laura Ingraham in the ass.

And she whirls around and the look on her face is pure, sudden, horrible human hurt.

And I froze. It was so awful.

The public mask fell away, and there it was. Anguish. It was the face of the most hated child in the meanest fourth grade in the world. Every errant dodgeball to the head. Every puddle splash by the bike rack. Every spilled milk. Nothing ever happened to this child that wasn't bad and wasn't deliberate.

Followed in a nanosecond by rage. Anger at what I had done, and that it was obviously on purpose, and anger, most of all, because I had seen the other face.

And I said sorry and she glared at me and ran away. But I think about it more than I want to. All these years later. This hateful wounded second-rate soul. I hope she finds peace.

* * *

Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world. Let us dedicate ourselves to that, and say a prayer for our country and for our people.

-- Robert F. Kennedy, politicizing the death of Martin Luther King, April 4, 1968

Comments

[Sophie Pollitt-Cohen - Huffpost Blogger]

This is really funny. And I know you shouldn't say "really" or "very," but I feel strongly right now. So there, Strunk and White.

[TomDegan]

Isn't Laura Ingraham a delight? I hope she never goes away.

The stark contrasts between the ideals of the Progressive movement and the right wing's backwards and greedy ideology were out in public Saturday for all to compare and contrast at Our Lady of Perpetual Comfort Church in Boston. The differences were so obvious, you could not have missed them had you tried.

http://www.tomdegan.blogspot.com

Tom Degan
Goshen, NY

[SewaneeLeftist]

After the wonderful sendoff his friends and family gave Senator Kennedy, I can certainly understand why the Rushpublicans were worried about the effects of celebrating such decency, profound love for humanity, and the best sort of humane presence for the government in American lives -- doing what individuals wish they could do but can't. After all, for most people who are willing to consider an idea on its merits, when you see a celebration like that, hear speeches like that, all of a sudden universal health care for all seems very basic and very common sensical. No wonder the Rethuglicans felt they had to try to preempt the content of the celebration as political.

I watched the whole Wellstone event on C-span, and while I did not enjoy the crowd booing Trent Lott, who showed some grace by showing up, my memory was that it happened in the middle of a highly partisan election; much different from the circumstances here.

As for Laura I., one of the most underhanded, opportunistic, philosophically slippery commentators I've ever encountered -- which is saying something when you're mixed in with the other Faux News liars and hypocrites -- the anecdote is a good one for distilling the empty hatred that apparently drives her. When no sense of humor exists and no sense of truth, we can't expect a sense of irony or awareness of hypocrisy to appear when the right tells people how to behave at the funerals of progressives.

[gettingitright]

Who does she think she is? And I missed all her lectures to Republicans when they get caught in their extramarital trysts, ets. Where are her moral highground lessons about things that matter? This holier-than-thou pseudo-Christian who always wears a cross because it's always symbolism over substance with these people.
She is almost more annoying than Coulter and Malkin because with the latter two, I think they just like to shock people with their outrageousness. It gives them the attention (and money) they crave so badly. I think Ingraham really thinks she is morally superior to anyone she disagrees with. It is not an act with her.
That's why Kelly is probably so eerily perceptive. All that deep-seated hatred and mean-spiritedness has a childhood origin.

[residentevilfan]

I think one of the best sayings (although I think it's more of a philosophy) that has become popular the past few years is when you point you're finger at someone else you point 3 back at yourself. The things we don't like about ourselves are the things we see in other people.

[Bailey Reynolds]

Ah yes, the vast majority of Republicans today are insolent children trapped inside adult bodies.

Like the mental midgets they are, they can't even let people grieve without behaving like complete brats.

Pathetic.

[fraught]

That the fourth grader lives in Laura Ingraham is unsurprising. That that unhappy child emerges when the grown Laura is taken unawares is due to Big Laura nursing Small Laura's resentments. It also means that her enemies are going to be predictable. Those smarter, better looking, more gifted, more astute. It is a victim's world into which Laura has grown. The paradox is that she wants to be the only victim. And so she hates all those who she discerns as not up to her position in the mediocre middle of things. This way she can be a dual hater. She hates up and she hates down.
One almost wants to feel sorry for her, but then one also wants to say the hell with it.

[willpen]

These people know nothing of kindness to humanity. All they know is how they hate anyone who does not act and think and speak like them. The unfortunate part is that there are oh so many of people, just like Laura, that continue to walk this earth seething with hate for the humanity that they claim to be part of.

[MaeScott]

Well, Laura, did we send him off nice enough for you?

[RButler]

On the future passing of Laura Ingraham, as well as Ann Coulter, Bill O'Reilly, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and some others, I'm reminded of a quote attributed to Bette Davis on hearing of Joan Crawford's death. "They say you should say something good when someone dies. Joan Crawford is dead. Good!"

I know we are not supposed to be hateful or wish someone ill but what to do with people like those above who say such harmful things on a regular basis and promote divisiveness. Yet, they claim to be Christians while being hateful, petty, unforgiving, nasty and hypocritical. I say we should call them 'Kristians' similar to the 'Krab' in the seafood section to distinguish them accurately from real Christians.

[ByeByeBushie]

Klever!

My husband and I also like to refer to such people as "flucky" for making millions with no discernible intellect, talents or likeability ... (as in "ucking flucky").

[PackyJ]

That term is now part of my vocabulary. Thanks.

[Bailey Reynolds]

To the Laura Ingrahams of the world, I offer this quote from the Big Kahuna, Jesus:

Matthew 7:21-29
"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many deeds of power in your name?' Then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; go away from me, you evildoers.­'

[mamala4]

I wouldn't let her tell me how to do anything..­..

[sufi66]

Advice from her to any liberal would be useless.

Why these people hate so much is a mystery to me.

[satanlite]

The same reason the scorpion stings. It is their nature.

[bayman]

If Hating were an Olympic sport, she'd win the gold.

[PoliticalJunkie65]

Too true.

[SouthernYankeeBelle]

Am praying that the democrats find some courage when they go back and pass a bill that is truly going to help people. It would have been nice to get some input from the republicans but they are more interested in getting the white house back that they are forgetting the working people in the country. The nutty right IS a small bunch of wackos. Whatever happen to the people who were good at getting together from both parties and getting a decent bill passed. Even Nixon wanted a national health care plan. I wish the true republican didn't leave their party because I am sure there would have been some compromise.

[BoyInBOYCOTT]

The difference between Laura's and Teddy's funerals.

One had the Vatican spit on the dead and his family on the day of his memorial, while 50,000 waited just to view his coffin.
The other will sadden the Vatican...­and no one else.

[ATrumanDemocrat]

Laura Ingram inspires people to hate. I hate her. Then I hate myself for hating her. Then I hate her for making me hate myself. So I hate myself more for hating her for making me hate myself because I hate her. Is it hateful to hate yourself for hating a hater? I hate being so confused. Maybe some of the posters who hate Ted Kennedy can help me learn to hate good people who devoted their lives to helping others instead of me hating people who live to inspire more hatred.

[RUKidding0]

It's not hateful for you to hate. It is just sad, sad that you (and so many others) are so easily drawn down into the hatred of politics, while you stay so far above the political fray in regard to its intellectual content. Perhaps, you and others on the left shouldn't venture so close to the edge?

[ATrumanDemocrat]

Don't let the satire hit you in the A$$