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Mel Gibson Is Biblically Correct

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"Mel Gibson might be my favorite feminist. If he's not number one on my list, he's pretty close, in competition with Pope John Paul II."

-- Kathryn Jean Lopez, Always Wrong About Everything, National Review 12/2/03

Mel Gibson, the National Review's favorite feminist, comes off kind of poorly in some new audiotapes, secretly recorded by his ex-mistress, in between the times he was punching her. He's clearly a hothead. Okay, and a misogynist. And a racist. And a bully and a douchebag. And, oh, let's just come right out and say it, the guy's a monster.

But is he a bad Christian?

Before we get on our high horses about anyone's career-ending rant, we have to remember: Mel Gibson isn't just a feminist; he's also Jesus's best friend. As patron of his own heretical sect, he's quite literally more Catholic than the Pope.

And before the secular humanist lame stream media starts judging Mel's words and actions, maybe they should ask themselves: Do you own a church that still performs a pre-Vatican II Latin mass?

So we can judge him by our own subastral standards, or we can ask: Were any of the feelings he expressed about women actually anti-biblical? Let's look.

GIBSON: So you're not lying to me about fake tits?

And they committed whoredoms in Egypt; they committed whoredoms in their youth: there were their breasts pressed, and there they bruised the teats of their virginity. Ezekiel 23:3

GRIGORIEVA: I never have.

GIBSON: Yes, you just did.

The mouth of an immoral woman is a deep pit. Proverbs 22:14

GIBSON: You said they weren't. You fucking lied to me before.

I find more bitter than death the woman whose heart is snares and nets. Ecclesiastes 7:26

GRIGORIEVA: I never did. I never said anything. You never asked me and I never told you. Or maybe you asked me, but I never lied about this.

I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Song of Solomon 8:10

GIBSON: It's not a lie? Who cares.

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is passing. Proverbs 31:30

GIBSON: So they look ridiculous. Get rid of them why don't you?

Thou shalt be laughed to scorn and had in derision... and pluck off thine own breasts: for I have spoken it, saith the Lord GOD. Ezekiel 23: 32-34

GRIGORIEVA: It's none of your business.

GIBSON: It is. It is.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. Ephesians 5:22-23

They look stupid. I'm just telling you. That's just an appraisal. Keep 'em if you want. Look stupid. See if I give a fuck. But they're too big and they look stupid.

Let her breasts satisfy thee at all times. Proverbs 5:19

They look like some Vegas bitch. They look like a Vegas whore. And you go around sashaying around in your tight clothes and stuff.

As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion. Proverbs 11:22

I won't stand for that anymore. I don't want my woman to be that.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Colossians 3:18

You go out in public and it's a fucking embarrassment to me. You look like a fucking bitch in heat.

I will therefore... that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety. 1 Timothy 2:8-9

And if you get raped by a pack of ni**ers it will be your fault. All right?

And if thou say in thine heart, Wherefore come these things upon me? For the greatness of thine iniquity are thy skirts discovered, and thy heels made bare. Jeremiah 13:22

Because you provoked it.

Your blood be upon your own heads. Acts 18:6

You are provocatively dressed all the time with your fake boobs you feel you have to show off in tight outfits...

Let her therefore put away her whoredoms out of her sight, and her adulteries from between her breasts. Hosea 2:2

... with tight pants that let you see your pussy from behind.

If it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered. 1 Corinithians 11:6

And that green thing today was enough... That's provocative.

And if the plague is greenish or reddish in the garment... it is a leprous plague and shall be shown to the priest. Leviticus 13:49

Okay? I'm telling you. I'm just telling you the truth.

How forceful are honest words! Job 6:25