In this morning's Wall Street Journal, a "senior advisor" to Mitt Romney conceded that the governor:
"... could use something big to "move the ground," citing as an example the endorsement of Democratic contender Barack Obama by Sen. Edward Kennedy and other Kennedy family members."
And then, Lords of Kolob be praised, it happened. Later this very same day, Mitt Romney was endorsed by...
Rick Santorum.
Did you feel the earth move?
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Rick Santorum? The Romney answer to the Kennedys is Rick Santorum? Was Pat Sajak busy? What about Eric Robert Rudolph? He's a vague unpleasant memory who didn't like gays and abortion. What's he doing?
No, that wouldn't work. Because Mitt Romney saved the Olympics, and Eric Robert Rudolph tried to blow them up. What the heck. It's a big tent.
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I'm too lazy to look it up, but I'll bet Rick Santorum has been spending his time -- since the people of Pennsylvania expelled him like a stillborn -- running some kind of foundation. Family values, perpetual war, that sort of thing. And I wouldn't be surprised if that foundation turns out to be in line for a nice donation from Romney '08.
The way $10,000 from the Romneys made all the difference to Massachusetts Citizens for Life, and their opinion of the -- until then "effectively pro-choice" -- governor back in 2006.
The difference between Mitt Romney and St. Paul is Paul was converted right away, while Mitt had to wait for his check to clear.
"Those scales should fall from your eyes in three to five business days."
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Romney also gave ten grand to the National Review, and then they endorsed him. Which just goes to show, Jonah Goldberg didn't grow up in a whorehouse without learning a thing or two.
"Mom, what's that thing you do with your pinky when you when the guy's taking too long? Oh yeah, thanks."
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Here's what Santorum said:
"In a few short days, Republicans from across this country will decide more than their party's nominee. They will decide the very future of our party and the conservative coalition that Ronald Reagan built. Conservatives can no longer afford to stand on the sidelines in this election, and Governor Romney is the candidate who will stand up for the conservative principles that we hold dear. Governor Romney has a deep understanding of the important issues confronting our country today, and he is the clear conservative candidate that can go into the general election with a united Republican party."
In case you missed it, Mitt Romney is a conservative.
Here's Mitt thanking Rick:
"I am honored to have Senator Santorum's support. Throughout his career of public service, he has always led with a steadfast commitment to our party's conservative principles. He has fought for life, marriage, tax cuts and a stronger national defense. In the coming days, I look forward to working with him as we fight for our party's conservative foundations."
Here's your check. Don't conserve it all in one place.
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I'm just being flip, about Mitt Romney paying Rick Santorum for an endorsement. (And I'm sure the reason it happened now, and not a year ago, is because Santorum's been so busy.) If I truly searched my heart, I'd have to admit that Rick Santorum was motivated by a nobler purpose: Seething hatred for John McCain.
Here's Rick Santorum last month (Gosh, in the National Review!):
"The bottom line is that I served 12 years with him, 6 years in the United States Senate as leader, one of the leaders of the Senate -- the number-3 leader -- who had the responsibility of trying to put together the conservative agenda, and almost at every turn on domestic policy, John McCain was not only against us, but leading the charge on the other side."
Set aside being a gay-bashing warmonger who hates women. Anyone who says "the bottom line" is a jerk off.
Also, how can we be sure it's really the bottom line? He forgot to say, "Period. End of story."
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Bottom line, the problem with John McCain is that he has a screw loose. (What's that quote from Shawshank Redemption about guys who can't make it on the outside?) But it's been a great couple of days, since the Florida primaries, listening to the right wing talking heads lose their shit. Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity and the whole crew. The impotent rage they feel for the guy. And for the stupid Republican voters in the primaries and caucuses, in state after state, who keep voting for him.
Goddamit! You're Americans! I'm on TV! Why won't you do what you're told?
And now we're almost obliged to cite Brecht's Die Lösung.
After the uprising of the 17th of JuneThe Secretary of the Writers UnionHad leaflets distributed in the StalinalleeStating that the peopleHad thrown away the confidence of the governmentAnd could win it back onlyBy redoubled efforts. Would it not be simplerIn that case for the governmentTo dissolve the peopleAnd elect another?
And we're totally obliged to characterize Ann Coulter's position like this:
I'm taking my balls and going home.
Period.
End of story.