This weekend, President Bush will have the honor of proclaiming his eighth National Sanctity of Human Life Day; his seventh while US troops are actively engaged in killing people. That's a new record for a president. See, he's not a failure at all.
The boilerplate for a George Jr. NSOHD proclamation hasn't changed much through the years. Expect a reference to the Declaration of Independence, an allusion that connects Planned Parenthood to Al-Qaeda (From 2002: "On September 11, we saw clearly that evil exists in this world, and that it does not value life...") and a little humble bragging about the work he's done blurring the nettlesome distinction between church and state. It'll end:
NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim Sunday, January 18, 2009, as National Sanctity of Human Life Day. I call upon all Americans to recognize this day with appropriate ceremonies and to underscore our commitment to respecting and protecting the life and dignity of every human being.
... unless they get in the way.
But what is an appropriate ceremony for National Sanctity of Human Life Day?
The Houston Area Pastor Council is glad you asked. According to their Sanctity of Life Resource Packet, you can put on a play.
And here it is:
PRO-LIFE DRAMA
For Sanctity of Life SundayBy Al Atkins
Act 1
Mary (dressed in Biblical garb for young virgin): Oh Diana, I am so frightened - I talked to Joseph last night and he is so angry. He keeps laughing about my "stupid angel" story. He doesn't believe a word that I tell him, and I don't know what we're going to do... (weeping softly)
Diana (older "friend", hugging Mary): Mary, Mary, it's OK - I've got an idea. I have a friend who told me that something like this happened to her and her cousin's uncle took care of it.
Mary (looking puzzled and then suspicious): Took care of it? What in the world are you talking about?
Diana: Mary, Joseph is going to have you put way if we don't do something! You've got to listen to me! Remember our friend Elizabeth? Have you ever seen her again? She disappeared! Now here's what we need to do... (they huddle and whisper)
Softly and then louder in the background the song - "Mary, Did you know?", with haunting flute melody on the refrain.
Notes
Did you figure out who "Mary" was?
Catholics revere Mary as the Immaculate, mother of the church, the new Eve, mediator, co-redeemer and Queen of Heaven. Why is this Mary so thick?
What does Mary see in Joseph? He comes off as kind of a tool.
Was Joseph really going to have Mary thrown in the booby hatch? That seems kind of southern gothic, don't you think?
According to Matthew, when Mary told Joseph about the Annunciation, he was "minded to put her away privily." For the last 1500 years or so, biblical scholars have believed that this meant "divorce her quietly." What does Al Atkins know that they don't?
Is this the same Al Atkins from Judas Priest? If not, why not?
Act 2
An off screen voice: "somewhere in America, in the year 2005"
Mary: thank you doctor, yes, I'm sure you're right. I'll just lie down for a few minutes to rest while you and the nurses get ready for the "procedure"
Mary has a "visitation" from an angel. Mary is laying and resting, preparing for her abortion, and her visitor shakes her awake.
Visitor (older person, dressed in sleeping robe): Mary, wake up - I've got someone I'd like you to meet.
They walk slowly across the floor and look through a window.
Mary: who is that beautiful little girl?
Visitor: look closely - I'm sure you can figure it out...
Mary: why, that's my niece Alexis; no, no, it's my cousin Charlotte, no, wait a minute, that's...........she's beautiful! She's got wavy dark hair, deep dark eyes, an incredible smile, lovely skin...........(puzzled) - just who is she??
Visitor (after a prolonged pause, softly): she's your daughter, Mary. The one that the doctor is getting ready to kill with this "procedure".
Mary (shrieking): No, No, No, ............ STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!
Notes
Why do people always say, "Come here, you gotta see this?" Why don't they just tell you what it is?
Act 3
Cutaway to party, where two demons are toasting one another:
Demon1 (with an evil hearty laugh): Well, Beezie, I've got to hand it to you - you have outdone yourself this time. We thought no one could top your Nazi "disinfection" campaign, and that just on the heels of your brilliant Darwinian "evolution" promotion, which was so outlandishly foolish and patently asinine, yet incredibly successful.
Your "Choice" strategy has the Most Evil One so pleased that he is promoting you again, this time to Lucifer, Jr, second only to him. Those humans never learn, do they??
Notes
If this is a play, why do we "Cutaway" to a party? Why didn't Final Draft catch that?
Why does Word always indent and number things in lists whether I want it to or not?
What kind of job title is "Lucifer Jr?" Does that carry any real weight from a business standpoint? Or is it just to impress clients?
If this is really hell, why aren't they playing "Mary, Did You Know?"
Put these evils in order of evilocity:
HitlerThe Origin of SpeciesSeptember 11Choice"Diana"
According to the Sanctity of Life Resource Packet, 43% of American women will have an abortion by the time they're 45. (That number sounds awfully made-up, and I don't know why that age is significant, but it's not my resource packet.) If you wanted to win these women over, would you start by telling them they were stupid, selfish, weak, demonic, or worse than Nazis?