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Chris Kelly

Chris Kelly

Posted: March 2, 2010 12:41 PM

Quiz: How to Tell Jerry Brown From Meg Whitman

What's Your Reaction:

At 11:00 this morning, Jerry Brown will announce that he's running for governor of California, because he's cycled through all the other jobs in the state, and he's back at stage one. (It's a Buddhist thing.) He joins a race already in progress between Steve Poizner, a billionaire with no personality, and Meg Whitman, a billionaire with multiple personalities. We're 99 days out.

Q) How can there still be 99 days until the election? I saw so many Meg Whitman ads during the Olympics, I thought kissing her ass was a sport.

A) Meg Whitman has a lot of money and buys a lot of ads. She just started airing attack ads against Steve Poizner, a man some polls show her leading by 30 points. Oh, and the election isn't in 99 days. That's just the primary.

Q) Steve Poizner has a billion dollars too. Where are his ads? When's he going to start making me want to kill myself if I hear his name one more time?

A) Steve Poizner doesn't need fancy ads. He has ideas.

Q) Like what?

A) You know California's $20 billion deficit? He's going to get rid of it with tax cuts.

Q) Okay, don't talk to me about Steve Poizner anymore. Ask me about the serious candidates.

Fine.

1) Which candidate has pledged to spend up to $150 million of their personal fortune to win the election -- the first public office they've ever sought?

Jerry Brown
Meg Whitman

2) Which candidate has, so far, refused to debate an opponent and has spent the bulk of the $30 million they've already put into the campaign on ads?

Jerry Brown
Meg Whitman

3) According to the L.A. Times, which candidate told their primary opponent to drop out of the race, or, in the words of a campaign consultant, "You know, Steve, if you proceed, the campaign will leave your political career in shambles because we will spend that much money to beat you and pretty much destroy you?"

Jerry Brown
Meg Whitman

4) Which candidate was the inspiration for John Ritter's character in the underrated 70s comedy Americathon?

Jerry Brown
Meg Whitman

5) According to the L.A. Times, which candidate has "warned labor leaders that if they gave money to Democratic operatives planning to attack her, the billionaire candidate would respond by spending millions to qualify a ballot initiative that would make it harder for unions to use dues for political purposes"?

Jerry Brown
Meg Whitman

6) Which candidate's mother said: "Meg was a pretty good swimmer. But at meets, I had to be there, because if she wasn't at least first or second, she'd be screaming with rage."

Jerry Brown
Meg Whitman

7) Who said "Money doesn't talk, it swears."

Bob Dylan
Meg Whitman

8) Which candidate appeared in a Reaganesque pose on the cover of a business magazine with a horse that turned out to be a rental?

Jerry Brown
Meg Whitman

9) Which candidate took a million dollar bribe from Goldman Sachs -- and a position on their board -- but had to give both back like a rented horse?

Jerry Brown
Meg Whitman

10) According to a flyer someone stuck on my windshield in the parking lot at Target, which former California governor covered up the Kennedy assassination on orders from the Pope and the Knights of Columbus?

Jerry Brown
Earl Warren

11) Which candidate has been a governor before?

Jerry Brown
Meg Whitman

12) Which candidate has never done anything for anyone except for money and the main chance?

Jerry Brown
Meg Whitman


 
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
joyce2
07:18 PM on 03/03/2010
Whitman and Brown IMO are both of the same cloth both out for them selves.Brown did nothing for California even as AG much less Governor.He is a has been Californians you sure can do better than Brown or Whitman.My God two of the three stooges and they are running for governor.Almost anyone else would be better than either of them.
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04:59 PM on 03/04/2010
Yeah, I guess leaving the state budget in the black (which Brown did) is doing nothing.
04:37 PM on 03/03/2010
Meg wants to immediately cut the state workforce by up to 30,000. People. Jobs. Let me tell you, that is NOT going to create jobs, that will put people OUT of work. She said this on May 12, 2009 and other times, including this week. She says she wants to create jobs, but that's a lie.
What does this really mean? In a year, I won't have a job in SacTown, neither will many people I know. 30K = 1/3 of all state workers. Who will repair the roads ? (yes they work on them constantly). Who will run snow plows all over the mountain towns so you can drive? Who will teach in public schools? Who will guard prisoners in prisons?
Who will wait on you at DMV? Who will take care of the disabled in their homes?
Who will be there at every single state office in CA? 1 of 3 people will be out of work (more than that at some levels, at the clerk level half the workers will be GONE!)
YOU will be without services. You will have no one to blame but yourself. Just having the furloughs has been VERY difficult to get state work done. People who are not working for the state LOVE to complain about state workers, there are problems, but the cure is NOT to cut the state workforce by 30% or more. Who is the job-killer?
Vote for Jerry Brown to actually keep CA working.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
middleoftheroad
03:32 PM on 03/03/2010
lol...Can you imagine Jerry Brown and the left wing legislature PLUS a prop system that lets people just vote for tens of millions in debt financed programs that can also pull from the budget....CA will be done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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04:59 PM on 03/04/2010
Sparkyface, Jerry Brown was the last Governor to leave office with the state budget in the black.
07:16 AM on 03/03/2010
whitman said she'd spend her own money against ca's labor unions? does that mean the teacher's unions, nurse's unions, correctional unions, public employee's unions? the unions that fought against redistricting and anything else that's proposed to try to help the state? great. she has my vote.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
aspiecelia
07:09 AM on 03/03/2010
Jerry Brown cares about the state of California and the people in it. That is the kind of person they need to get going in the right direction again, someone with passion about doing the right thing. I am so sick of all of these rich people bullying their way into all the political positions. When will people understand they are sociopaths and that is why they have so much money to begin with.
05:40 AM on 03/03/2010
haha laughable that the people would vote for jerry brown... the last thing our state needs is another teacher and state union lacky... how bout someone who knows how to create jobs... not make a career of spending other people's money like a lifetime poltician like jerry
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05:01 PM on 03/04/2010
The last thing the State of California needs is people like you voting in elections.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
SaulBloodworth
Author of The Cabal
11:39 PM on 03/02/2010
Well, let me be bi-partisan and reach out: I will consider voting for Meg if she personally pays back all the fees Ebay screwed me over with.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
SaulBloodworth
Author of The Cabal
11:32 PM on 03/02/2010
If it's possible to just buy the Californian governorship, I‘d rather have Michael Bloomberg buy it.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Cybesq
10:24 PM on 03/02/2010
Dear Meg,

California is not a "Buy It Now" item.
11:18 PM on 03/02/2010
Too bad you cannot get Arnold S. again. Okay, okay, he is annoying ... but look at your alternatives!!!!!

I am one state away and ALREADY MY OPINION of Meg W. has tanked! The poster who said they are worried she will be autocratic since as a CEO she unilaterally got her way has it right ... this woman is going to be something else, if she wins.

And then we have the far right guy, and the seventies guy.

WHOO HOO!!
01:25 AM on 03/03/2010
"California is not a "Buy It Now" item."

Oh, yes it is. It's a blue light special.
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FTracy3
My micro-bio is as empty as the rest of my life.
10:02 PM on 03/02/2010
Great, our choice is between someone with no experience governing and someone with a disastrous record governing.
05:41 AM on 03/03/2010
dont u get it... we dont need professional polticians... we need regular successful people from the real world, not full time beaucrats their whole life
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05:18 PM on 03/04/2010
Meg Whitman is successful at being overpaid, and that's about it.
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05:02 PM on 03/04/2010
Disastrous record? Brown left the state budget in the black. He was defeated largely because the GOP complained that he wasn't spending enough money.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
melton244
09:52 PM on 03/02/2010
My Gawd that was funny!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
JohnJudy
09:28 PM on 03/02/2010
I love it when mom and dad fight!
07:55 PM on 03/02/2010
Jerry Brown: He's pale, he's rested and ready to boogie!
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wayoutleft
my nano-bio coded in a period: .
08:34 PM on 03/02/2010
canned heat: refried boogie .. once again he will be completely underestimated in face to face debates.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
ramsha
03:12 PM on 03/02/2010
Meg Whitman is waiting for a chance to buy California in an Auction by being the highest spender. Little does she know that the highest spender does not always translate in to the highest Bidder.
HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
JScott
John Galt's last name is McGuffin-Smithee
11:44 AM on 03/03/2010
or the better governor

Hey anyone even remember Al Checchi?
She comes from the same mold.
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philhellene
Far Left and Proud of It!
03:04 PM on 03/02/2010
I hear every morning the ads against Poizner. To hear it, you would think he was a left-wing, fire-breathing, liberal. I thought the vicious attack ad season only came in the last few weeks or days of a campaign, not straight out of the gate.

Good then - let the reactionary conservatives tear themselves apart in the primary. However, I do pity any governor; the legislature does seem to have made itself helplessly dysfunctional.

One of the most disturbing problems with electing corporate elites to public office is that business is run as an absolute dictatorship. And I fear too many ex-ceo's would bring that mentality into government, which, like it or not, is based on compromise - theoretically.