The Delicate Subject of John McCain's Marbles

"Evil must be defeated!" -- John McCain 8/16/08

"Enough is enough! We're going to put an end to greed!" -- John McCain 9/17/08

It's inspiring to know that John McCain has a plan to end greed. I just hope it doesn't distract him from his mission to defeat evil. Either way, it has to kick the shit out of whatever Barack Obama's got on the docket, with his empty words and pie-in-the-sky promises.

America's choice is clear. Barack Obama, a messianic egomaniac who thinks he's, like, our savior or something, or John McCain, who will defeat evil and put an end to greed.

John McCain will not only take on special interests and Washington insiders, he'll fundamentally alter human nature. And without raising taxes, either. He'll lead us to a sort of martial nirvana where all other emotions are replaced with patriotism, and turn the United States into a shining, selfless, bipartisan cross between heaven and Sparta.

Or maybe he's just a desperate shell of a man, babbling glorp.

If Reverend Wright went around shouting stuff like "We're going to put an end to greed!" people would start thinking he was some kind of fruitcake.

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You might think "I'll end greed" would be the most mortifying thing John McCain could say at one sitting. You'd be wrong. At Wednesday's town hall -- his first with Sarah Palin -- he topped himself with this explanation of her credentials:

"She has been commander in chief of the Alaska National Guard. Fact. On September 11 a contingent of the Guard deployed to Iraq and her son happened to be one of them so I think she understands national security challenges."

Which is fine except:

The governor of Alaska doesn't command the National Guard in combat overseas.

Sarah Palin didn't deploy anyone anywhere on September 11th. She was a guest speaker at an Army deployment ceremony.

Track Palin isn't in the National Guard; he's in the Army.

Sometimes it seems like it's more than John McCain can handle, just keeping all the lies about Sarah Palin straight in his head. Tomorrow he'll say she's in the Air Force herself, on a plane she bought on eBay, bombing the bridges at Toko-Ri.

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It's all Shiites and Sunnis to John McCain. So what's your problem? We're told that Lord Raglan fought the entire Crimean War believing the Russians were the French. And that worked out okay because, uh, everyone under his command died.

--

"I know how to win wars! I know how to win wars!" -- John McCain 7/15/08

I know this is a sort of threadbare exercise -- the old switcheroo -- but imagine what would happen if Barack Obama got the Army and the National Guard mixed up.

Comments

[KDofPA]

Based on his comments over the last 6 months, he is definitely losing his marbles. Political positions aside, if he had chosen a qualified VP, it wouldn't be so incredibly scary. But when the whole bag of marbles blows (seems inevitible), we'll have President Palin. How could anyone with a brain not see this as horrifying.

I agree with KathyIndiana, most Republicans would vote for Bugs Bunny rather than a Democrat. Let alone a Black Democrat. An eloquent, brilliant, responsible, diplomatic, and caring man. I think this is called cutting off your nose to spite your face.

[jdlaughead]

Today Americans want a Dictator, in that way they won't have to THINK! Just React, is it Good or Evil!

[Chas53]

He's losing it, cognitive decline.

[ManOutOfTime]

Presumably you're referring to the candidate and not the blogger ...
;-)

[KathyIndiana]

Much as I hope Obama wins, between racism and a lot of morons out there (Bush, two terms) I wouldn't bet the farm just yet. Indiana is inherently Republican, and most of my Republican friends would vote for Bugs Bunny if he were running on the Republican ticket. I have been told to my face by them that not only would they never vote Democrat, no matter how qualified the candidate, they would also never vote for a black man (I am white and so are most of my friends). Even a 72 year old warmonger who invented the Blackberry and can't remember Shiite from Sunni doesn't change their minds. Heaven help us all!

[yerachm]

"I know how to win wars! I know how to win wars!" -- John McCain 7/15/08
That's right. After all, John, you were...uh...captured in...uh...Viet Nam.
Never mind.
"I know how to win wars! I know how to win wars!" -- John McCain 7/15/08
Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb, Iran. Hey, kids, let's elect McPalin and go win a whole lotta wars. We can't lose with McCain as Commander in Chief, letting the bombs fly wherever his fancy decrees, and with Momma Palin as Commander in Chief of that elite fighting unit, the Alaska National Guard, ready to go anywhere and fight anyone in the name of...uh...fun!

[WorldsGreatestActor]

I'm no fan of Ron Paul but he seems to be the only politician to publicly say that he could NEVER endorse McCain due to his crass "BOMB BOMB BOMB, BOMB BOMB IRAN" ditty (www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-zoPgv_nYg), muttered when asked in a public forum how he would handle issues with Tehran. I am dumbfounded that a man in his position can get away with JOKING about killing tens of thousands of people. Kudos to Ron Paul for publicly drawing attention to what in my opinion proves John McCain is NOT in full control of his faculties.

[rpr]

Link isn't working.
Corrected: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-zoPgv_nYg

[ChangeNow]

"I know how to win wars".

This from a guy who was shot down by the enemy in a war we eventually lost.

[bk81665]

saw this in another post:
mccain chosing palin is like 'post tortoise'.
you see a tortoise on top of a fence post and you know the tortoise did not get it up there by itself instead someone put it up there. even up there the tortoise will not know what to do and then you will think which dumb idiot put it up there.

[rpr]

>then you will think which dumb idiot put it up there.
Like Reagan and GWB?
The American voter unfortunately isn't the world's smartest.
"Vote for me, sheeple! Fear, race, gender, religion, nothing else matters!!!"
What else would you expect from a populace that's been raised on commercials and sound bites?

[deliriousgod]

He won the Franco-Prussian War. He and Chuck Norris have a diorama in the treehouse with the next big offensive in the Vietnam War all layed out.

[bascombe]

mcKeatingFive: In possession of neither marbles nor scruples.

[newmedia1]

To be or not to be,
that is the question.

Whether tis noble to the mind to suffer the slings
and arrows of outrageous thoughts, or by opposing

end them, that is the question for John McCain.

[NevadaDem]

Well...I would say those MARBLES are really starting to roll around in that noggin' of his. He just can't seem to keep his facts straight. That is a scary thing to say about someone who is only RUNNING for President at this point. Don't his staff writers proof read his speeches...or is he ad-libbing when he makes mistakes.

[rpr]

Go watch the clips at http://therealmccain.com/ if you're wondering about that.

[leaningIndy]

Yeah, he's having his senior moments, but I'm still waiting for his Napoleon Dynamite moment: "If you vote for me, all of your wildest dreams will come true."

[EleanorAnn]

Yes Chan, you are right we are preaching to the choir here. So I suggest you all switch over to townhall.com once and awhile and let the conservative audience hear from you.
You just might catch the ear of someone sitting on the fence.

Vote with the Democrats. It's the only intelligent thing to do. And besides we would then have a president with a BRAIN , one who is knowledgeable on the Constitution and would be most likely to protect the rights of the American people.

The state of the economy is a Federal offense.

[Tim303]

John McCain came eight hundred and something-th in his navy class, presumably there because of his admiralty family.

Obama's mom was on food stamps.

Who is an elitist in this picture?