WASHINGTON -- In its latest attempt at controlling the internet, Congress has unveiled a fresh, new SOPA-like bill called CISPA, or the Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protection Act.
"This one's not at all like SOPA," said Rep. Mike Rogers (R-MI), who helped introduce the bill to the House late last year. "SOPA had an O in it. CISPA sounds more like Vespa. More fun. We think America will really like it."
And unlike SOPA, the new CISPA has support from big-name players like AT&T, Verizon and Facebook. Whereas its predecessor put companies at risk for subscriber activity, CISPA rewards companies for collecting data, intercepting or modifying communications, and handing information over to the government.
"This time we're not a threat. We're a partner," said Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, enjoying a second helping of spicy Buffalo wings at a CISPA party on Capitol Hill last Wednesday.
"Best of all, slip in a couple of words like 'cybersecurity' or 'cyber threats', and we've got the support of every Fox News viewer in America," chuckled Rogers. "Besides, who's gonna know? It's not like there's a massive network of global information sharing that could alert millions of people to what we're doing. Oh, wait."
NOTE: This piece is satirical. All quotations are fabrications for the purpose of satire.
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