THE BLOG

Looking for Love

02/20/2015 02:24 pm ET | Updated Apr 20, 2015

"Love and Desire are the Spirit's Wings to Great Deeds." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (German, Poet, 1749-1832)

The saying of the song (Johnny Lee 1980) is "looking for love in all the wrong places." It might remind you of your own search. Remember that spark with your first kiss, or when you received your first compliment or even when you drove your first car... any car? A spark... what a joyful way to look at life, for life is full of sparks-some positive, some negative. Not to speak in platitudes -- we all experienced them! In a society of alienation and virtual intimacy, we don't often see the looked for love-subject or the one we have in our mind's eye. It seems that each encounter leaves us a little lonelier, maybe also a bit wiser. Often the answers lie within ourselves.

Then comes the savior: the Internet with all its search engines in high gear, to find whatever our heart desires -- including the love we are yearning for. Some of these search engines are free, some cost money. Often they are helpful and are greeted with joy and success. The dating machines -- open -- yet secret encounters are fine tools of engaging the searchers and often assist in finding the love-subject. Not a chance encounter but one with detailed likes and dislikes. Love machines are powerful and full of irresistible dreams, even delicate egos can find a mate. Let's think about realistic solutions to online and off-line world, which is bringing change to the encounters of people -- men and women. These encounters make a difference in life. We only learn love by loving!

Exploring an enduring relationship is built on trust and respect. Do thoughts of love fall away by the everyday challenges... like falling into a burnt-out volcano? No, not at all...love renews itself every so often in everyone's life. Of course we should also think of different loves...love of a child, a husband, a parent, a friend, a country...or love and passion for art, like music and painting. Anything that touches our most inner-thoughts and feelings. We are fortunate to be free to choose. Once a relationship is found it also asks for loyalty...not to use the word 'work' but it does...not just once in a while. It is built on mutual understanding and compassion.

Elaine D. Papas, (http://www.epapaslaw.com), a Psychologist and International Business Lawyer writes about her thoughts and experiences on the subject of relationships "Two can be lonelier than One, when it is the wrong One! Many times we are replaying an old script from a past broken relationship without realizing it...that we are seeking out a similar partner. We have friends who lament that they always end up with the same kind of partner or is it that they gravitate towards the familiar? For example, a woman has a boyfriend, who is 'the life of the party', charming yet cheats on her but when she meets a nice, quieter type, she dismisses him as boring and goes on with a new 'the life of the party' to light up her life. We have different relationships with each person close to us. The only way to build and maintain a true and loving relationship is to know yourself. Know your good points, your weak points! When you feel yourself react strongly about something said or done by another, stop and ponder what made you react so strongly? Did it remind you of something in the past or a trait in yourself you do not like? The media also sets unrealistic expectations, such as the perfect body image, the fairytale ending. Remember 'fairytales' are unreal! Living in a large city -- being around crowds of people with no-one special in your life can feel exceptionally lonely."

Remember relationships take time and patience. In our fast moving and uncertain time it is wise to spend more thoughts to keep and hold a relationship. If there is no-one special at this time ... find a new way to fill the void...learn to paint, or learn a new language, travel to unknown places, take a cooking class. Expose yourself to new ideas. Throughout time people have searched for love. There are no quick solutions, no quick answers for the search will always be a challenge for the mystery of love is also part of our being ... heart and soul.

"I do not love you, except because I love you, I go from loving you to not loving you, from waiting to not waiting for you, my heart from cold to fire." --Pablo Neruda (Chile, Noble-Poet 1904-1973)