On (Public) Death and Dying

Ed, Farrah, Michael, Billy (Mays) and soon, Walter: we mourn the deaths of these celebrities as if they are old friends or family. My dear friend and 9/11 widow Nikki Stern knows a thing or two about this unique sort of communal grief appropriation.

She says "We humans seem to need to participate in the (for lack of a better word) pageantry of a public mourning process. Perhaps we find immersing ourselves in the deaths of others is cathartic; a "safe" way to mourn for ourselves.

But she makes an excellent point in asking:

Do we relate more to the loss of a pop star or TV fantasy than we do to starving children around the world?

Read the full article: http://1womansvu.com/

 

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Comments

[MarianneDC]

11:22 AM on 07/04/2009

Nikki's made an important point. We humans do need to collectively grieve. It is critical for our psyche. But the public pageantry is the Twinkie version of mourning - feels good while you are doing it but afterward leaves you empty.

We don't relate well to celebrities or starving children. We consume the former as if they were Twinkies and ignore the latter as if they were brussels sprouts. We'd all be much healthier - physically and mentally - if we paid more attention to the latter and less to the former.

[MikeBone]

10:50 AM on 07/04/2009

Nikki Stern may occasionally be self-indulgent in her writing, but is always worth reading. Her perspective on the spectacle of public mourning for celebrities is spot on.

[DNH24]

06:02 PM on 07/03/2009

Nikki Stern is a courageous writer, and her evocation of "pageantry" is exactly right. It strikes me that we surround (bury?) issues in pageantry when we feel them deeply and we're aware that our handling of them is a mess. Our collective handling of Jackson's death (and life) pulls together the Big Three such issues--death, sex and money. So, by the way, does the spectacle of Palin's resignation a few minutes ago (which I first heard about on the Huff).

[agibbs]

05:50 PM on 07/01/2009

I look-forward to read new articles every week from Nikki. She is an exceptional writer.

[mskeh]

01:07 PM on 07/01/2009

The best angle yet on how the death of another world-renowned celebrity derails and desensitizes us to global tragedies of starvation, poverty and many other genuine humanitarian crises. If they open up Neverland to the public for a viewing of Michale Jackson's remains, maybe they should have representatives from some of the many foundations Mr. Jackson supported taking up a collection to "feed the world", etc. It would be great if the outpouring of grief for this tragic genius, could be channeled into doing good for those who are living and suffering in the shadows of our celebrity-crazed culture.

[jwalong]

10:53 AM on 07/01/2009

I agree with Nikki Stern's post, particularly her last two sentences, they were from deep inside her own personal loss. She has perfectly summed up how I'd like to deal with and mourn all the daily and personal tragedy we see and experience. I smile a knowing smile, I remember happy moments, and I talk about and share how their lives were important to me. Then, I take the dogs for a long walk, go for ice cream with my daughters and share a laugh with friends.

[leifwellington]

08:53 PM on 06/30/2009

As other shared cultural touchstones fade away, collective grieving for a celebrity reaffirms a kind of social solidarity even as it also appears to feed individual narcissism. Nikki Stern's post rightly captures both sides of this coin.

[mysticpt]

08:36 PM on 06/30/2009

Thanks Nikki for posting about our obsession with celebrity deaths. I like to think I'm not one of the obsessed, but I have been reading my fair share of Michael articles. Thanks for putting my "obsession" into perspective. As always, I enjoy your posts.

[tripleams]

07:07 PM on 06/30/2009

While I am hopeful Nikki is not correct in her query, I suspect she is. Attaching onto death in a public disaster or of a public person gives one an outlet for "feeling bad"...perhaps using sympathy that could translate into greater good if concentrated on starving children, refugees, or regular folk suffering from cancer. Good insight, great post.

[sarah1123]

06:15 PM on 06/30/2009

Public morning can often become a "collective therapy session that becomes more about our need to comfort ourselves than about comforting or empathizing with others" -- this is so true. I wanted to log into the HuffPo for the first time to say that I really enjoyed this post.

[Cosmo4]

05:40 PM on 06/30/2009

Nikki Stern is intelligent and insightful. I am a loyal reader of her website. Her posts are current and outstanding.

[frazinsky]

04:39 PM on 06/30/2009

At last, a thoughtful, not to mention provocative take on our obsession with public death and with all things celebrity. Btw, I browsed the rest of Nikki Stern's site and found virtually everything she's written worth recommending.

[TomJolly]

03:19 PM on 06/30/2009

As usual, Nikki Stern raises some intriguing points. In the old days, death used to be a community affair, but we've managed to detach ourselves from it in such a way that perhaps we compensate in the way Stern suggests.

[Redstockinggrandma]

03:12 PM on 06/30/2009

I have a faithful reader of Nick Stern on Open Salon. She is a brilliant, perceptive writer. I urge you to read her back posts as well as this profound one.

[Debby Gaal]

02:39 PM on 06/30/2009

I've always been confused by the public spectacle of death. Nikki Stern offers insights that resonate and shed light. Thank you for connecting me to her site.

[nikesmom]

07:45 AM on 07/05/2009

Thank you Nikki, for you continued "thought provoking" blogs. I anxiously await new blogs - as you challenge me to think, see and feel things in a new perspective. I appreciate you and your ability to put your thoughts on paper.