Who knew it would be so tough! Several years ago, before I hit the half century mark, I read a Time Magazine cover story about the great second acts of women @ 50+. How encouraging, I thought. What fun... bring on the 50s, man! I have never been one to worry about my age, and anyway I have always been a slightly late bloomer. I have always thought it's about how you live, plus some good genes. My parents are both blessed with longevity and joie de vivre and I have inherited their very positive spirit, putting it to good use throughout my life with all it's ups and downs.
So imagine my stupefaction that a full three years into my 50s, things are not going as swimmingly as I imagined.
My 50th birthday party turned out to be a housewarming to a new apartment and a new life in a new country. After a lifetime abroad, growing up in Iran and Europe, and a career spent on the road as an international reporter for CNN, I found myself following my husband back to New York.
It's a great city of course, but my re-entry came with 50, menopause, hot-flashes, sleepless nights and all the anxieties that go with it. Not to mention a change in the workplace. All life's certainties suddenly went topsy turvy: am I being a good enough mother? A good enough worker? And what about working from New York? Suddenly studio-bound, I felt like a caged animal dying to get back into its natural habitat.
One of the many latest reports on working mothers suggests women who try to be a brilliant mother and a brilliant professional at the same time are more prone to anxiety, as both suffer. Those who realize something's got to give, breathe easier.
About to turn 54 in January, I am confronted with deciding what matters most. My family: so this summer I did something unusual for working Americans, but normal for working Europeans. I took August off. I needed to spend uninterrupted time with my son, and my parents. Since an ocean now separates me from my parents and sisters, who live in London, we all gathered at a holiday house in France. We turned off blackberrys, computers, and all the gizmos that are so helpful... but also so stressful. We had fun, we laughed, we ate and drank well, we swam in the sea, walked on the beach, rode bikes through the beautiful countryside. We reconnected and we spent precious time together knowing that at our age, our parents, our children's grandparents, are special gifts. My mother's 78, but my father is going to be 97 on October 20th. Just before I headed out on vacation, I had interviewed Gloria Steinem about the new HBO film on her incredible life (Gloria Steinem in her Own Words). Of all the amazing things she has done for all of us women, one of her biggest regrets is that she did not spend enough time with her father, especially towards the end. I am determined not to have those same regrets.
As for the profession I adore, "to thine own self be true." Be the journalist you want to be. Love what you do in order to be good at it. Make sure to maintain the purpose and sense of mission. That is an eternal truth, but the older I get, the more urgent it becomes.
And my son, the apple of my eye and the love of my life? Jackie Kennedy Onassis once famously said that if you mess up raising your children, nothing else in life much matters. How right she is. Every day I try, and often fail, to be the mother who doesn't mess up! But no matter what, he knows that I love him. And I know that bedrock of unconditional love is a child's most important foundation. He has grown up in an international household and his eyes have already been opened to so many different cultures, languages and people. Not only is he smart and curious and sporty, not only does he love soccer and art and music, but he has an innate empathy, which is so poignant and beyond his 11 and a half years. I try to teach him the values that will prepare him for our material world, although he does get a bit tired of me waving a napkin that's emblazoned with the words "JUSTICE NOT JUST US" and another that says "THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE AREN'T THINGS" !!!
I bought them at a fall fair in Vermont!!
Like many I miss my hormones, but I do think being older brings the gift of wisdom... just waiting for it to kick in!!
Harris Zafar: Iran's Death Penalty for Christian Pastor Violates the Quran
okay, so my neck flaps in the wind, and my skin has a furrow or two.
wisdom of aging rocks!!!!
The brain starts to shrink when it's thirty. Maybe before then. That you get wiser with age is a myth propagated and perpetuated by politicians. The greatest scientific discovery ever, a result of deep thought and great insight, was by a man aged 26, the age when the brain is at its best. Wisdom is supposed to come with experience but that is very often offset by impaired memory. Rue the day when you pass thirty but never admit it : 'Grow old with me, the best is yet to be' , but R Browning was just kidding.
Of course you do.
More Coffee...
R/ PRONESE
I have long admired Ms. Amanpour as an excellent journalist. She is a strong woman, and also as a lovely and striking one, and I'm delighted to see her thoughts expressed on HuffPost.
The 50's are good. Like you, I had to move to another country in my 50's ,and I'm still juggling being close to children and parents. Unexpected challenges, but I believe I'll get through them.
I think of Maya Angelou and other women who're amazing in their 70's , 80's, even 90's, there is hope:)
I'm sure Ms. Amanpour knows her Shakespeare.
Even if Polonius was a bore rather than a fool, it is clear that Shakespeare regarded his inspirational speech as cliche, rehashed nonsense. It made me smirk when I got to the end of Amanpour's article to find that she also enjoys such meaningless, trite phrases as "JUSTICE NOT JUST US," and "THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE AREN'T THINGS." It's amusing that she puts so much faith in statements that read like sorority girl bumper stickers.
That is my only regret. I was too busy living the journey to record it..
I have always liked her over the years but hearing this is a bit disturbing for various reasons.
If it sd or not, not sure but it seems like it does.
Those who have actually read (or know how to read) and comprehend Hamlet understand that these phrases do not represent the wisdom of Shakespeare but are expressions his contempt for the treacherous busy-body social-climbing sycophant courtier who utters trite platitude. They are, of course, the words of Polonious the conniving father of Ophelia and Laertes and a father's advice to his son how to conduct himself in the world. But Polonius was a phoney courtier and a sycophant fool who got a knife in his belly while spying on his prince. Those who actually comprehend what Shakespeare meant to convey understand that Polonius was wrong in all the judgements that he makes over the course of the play. He is described by William Hazlitt as a "sincere" father, but also "a busy-body, [who] is accordingly officious, garrulous, and impertinent." In Act II Hamlet refers to Polonius as a "tedious old fool" and taunts him as a latter day "Jeptha" who lead the Israelites in battle against Ammon and, as the result of a rash vow, sacrificed his daughter after defeating the Ammonites.
In the first quarto of Hamlet, Polonius is named "Corambis" which derives from the Latin phrase meaning "reheated cabbage," implying "a boring old man" who spouts trite rehashed ideas. It’s always amusing (and telling) when pseudo-intellectuals and philistines spew Polonius’ words as Shakespearian ‘eternal truth’ only to reveal themselves not as Shakespeare but his foolish creation Polonius.
To thine own self be true, then it must follow as day follows night, thou
cannot be untrue to any man. I still think it is good advice.
I was just going to post about my disappointment in view of so many people who should know better but don't. As you so well describe, "To thine own self be true," was never meant to be wise counsel. It was fortune-cookie wisdom at best, and I cringe to see Amanpour parrot it without knowing what it means.
Then again, is Amanpour really our intellectual superior, or is she simply a winner in the lottery of life, and thus she's a millionaire while people who are more educated and better read fight for dishwashing jobs.
But I regard all journalists as shallow propagandists who too often make fools of themselves attempting pseudo-intellectual literary illusions. The use of "an history" as opposed to "a history" is also a common blunder (though both are now acceptable) -- but I'll not go into that. Suffice to say, if you are of the class that (as Orwell said) pronounces its 'aitches' it's 'a history' but its 'an honor' to meet you.
But it's a good object lesson: better to remain silent on such matters and be presumed ignorant rather than, in attempt to impress others, open one's mouth and remove all doubt. She simply embarrassed herself. I thought she had more depth but this is what happens when one gleans their pretentious erudition from Bartlet's' Quotations: what is missed is that thing called literature and it reveals a 'C-' in literary comprehension. Call it how to dumb-down Shakespeare and convert wisdom to banal trivia.
There's no one better at what you're doing now, and anchoring may have afforded you the freedom to attend to family and personal needs, but your reportorial talents and work are sorely missed. Take it from someone almost a dozen years older, 54 is young. We need to see more of the world through your keen eye.
Thank you.