Fuck judgment and be wild...the results will transform your life!
Wild woman. Crazy woman. Loud woman. Sexy woman. Challenging woman. While all these women are inside me, up until now I have not given them the slightest chance of expression. However, what I've totally mastered is "the nice girl". The successful woman; the responsible one; the pretty princess; the fun chick. Yes, I am those ones as well - but not only. And it took me an enormous, inhuman amount of energy to tell myself that these other sides of me are unwelcome and needed to be suppressed. What a waste of energy, spread out over a total of 32 years!
The voice of judgment in my head has been running the show. Why? Because in this world of "should", we think it pays off to stay tamed, stay pretty, stay nice. We stay on track and we get our shit together. We are conditioned to neglect that voice inside until it gets so quiet that we confuse it with the trained voice of judgment - taking that voice for the truth. So my big mission right now is to empower my true soul voice.
Are you coming with me for the ride?
What would happen if you dared being wild? What would happen if you dared being firm? Loud? Honest? Yes, you would offend people - because these people are holding back their own truth. They are listening to their voice of judgment. True, some people might pull back from you - because they are afraid of the truth and feel confronted.
But I'm asking you now - is this the world you want to live in? Are those the kinds of people you want to let in your heart? Or do you want to surround yourself with people who celebrate YOU. And with that I mean ALL of you. Once you start coming out as your true self you'll notice a humongous shift. You will actually start to inspire others. You will bring out joy. You will activate love. You will take the biggest burden off yourself - the burden of not fully being yourself. And you will have an insane amount of energy to laugh, dance and to celebrate life with all those amazing people who are right there, who are on that mission with you.
Let us stop doing the expected. Ask yourself instead: What does my heart expect me to do? We have been conditioned to think this would be selfish behavior. We have been told to always "consider" others. But which part of other people are we actually considering? Are we only paying tribute to their trained beliefs of "appropriate" social behavior, reinforcing them in their thought of what is the "right" behavior?
But what has been the result of applying these beliefs to our social behavior? Of modeling our social behavior according to the way we've been trained to think? What we've got to deal with now is anxiety, depression, loneliness, addiction, divorce, and eating disorders. And what don't we have, but crave? Connection. We want to be seen for who we truly are. Being loved for who we are. Being heard for who we are. We want to let our hearts relax.
So what would happen if we allowed ourselves (and others!) to do exactly that: See each other, love each other, listen to each other, give each other peace. And this starts with listening to who we really are and loving who we really are, giving ourselves time to generate peace in our lives, and in our hearts. In the end, does this sound terribly selfish? Not to me. What if a common conversation (as common as the weather and the most recent phone app) amongst friends was this: "Are you being your true self today? What does your heart yearn for today? What would make it light up?" And then we listen (a capacity we've largely lost) - and we respect that truth for the other person. And more, we find ways to create space for the implementation of that truth. How is that for an interaction? I'd take that anytime over gossip or fashion talk. And it will shift our interactions from 'what can we get from one another' to 'what can I give myself today'.
If I need peace, I allow space and time to create a sense of peacefulness. This might also mean that I'm not going to an event where my presence is "expected". I cancel plans and disregard the notion of "having" to go to a certain event. Part of this is also not to dress in an "expected" way. This takes courage!! And that's exactly why we need our sisters - we need to encourage each other to live our truth.
We are already going in that direction. Conscious brands are showing up everywhere, making us aware of our actions. Yoga and meditation are more popular than ever, allowing and encouraging us to listen. Gay marriage just got legalized - respecting love in every form it wants to show up. We are moving towards listening to the truth (our truth!), towards encouraging and celebrating individual perfection. Let's keep going!
Most importantly: In order to say 'fuck it' to external judgment we have to start with that loud voice of judgment in our own head. It's a tricky, delicate journey because it's a loud and messy one and the muscle of the voice of truth hasn't been trained much in this lifetime. But in the end, it will be the only voice that matters. So I invite you to not just ask yourself: "Can I be strong?" (because you are!) but rather: "Can I show my strength?"
My personal journey of unraveling my true self started many years ago. I attended a dance retreat and one of the workshops there involved Sufi spinning. At one point I fell on the ground and started sobbing "I am so done with making myself small just so that others protect me!" My friend collapsed next to me, in tears: Her heart was screaming the exact same thing.
As I have been embarking on this journey I keep noticing the large number of women who feel the exact same voice speaking to them from within their hearts. Let us be done with being the "pretty princess". Let us be done with being cute. Sister, how about we step it up to being queens? Caring! Roaring! Radiating! In charge of our actions! Responsible for the results of our behavior! Honoring our own needs! Deeply caring for the wellbeing of others!
Just as a warning - this process will transform your life! You might not be able to stay in certain jobs, countries, relationships, and friendships. This shift might bring about ridiculous amounts of energy, joy, love, tears, happiness and laughter.
I've been in my own personal "fuck judgment" phase for the last few months - after a big fashion trade show I did in New York I knew that my mission of revolutionizing the way women see themselves through the medium of my brand was NOT to play the fashion industry's game. I know I am on my own path and I am meeting incredible people every day who are stepping away from the system - questioning EVERYTHING that we have been told to do.
How can we tap into the energy of Truth?
I used to think showing up in my Truth would make me less loved. And guess what - the more I let people see my true self, the more love I receive. It's about being vulnerable and real. Then we attract those people who are aligned with those qualities and live the same way. They speak the truth. They communicate clearly. Yes, it's uncomfortable at times. But it is soooo liberating. It makes your soul dance. It makes your heart laugh.
What if you agreed that it's unacceptable to neglect your truth?! Your craving for love. Your need to scream; to be heard; to be held. To be sensual; to say no - and to say yes. It's your call. Your soul's truth is the judge. Let us shed the trained judgments that are leaving us paralyzed, anxious, depressed, and lonely. Let us hug. Let us love. Let us be slow. Let us be loud. Do it now!!