A Coach for Everything - Aren't We Ever Good Enough?

What I want to know is when people stopped being good enough? You need tutors for the SATs, coaches for college applications, coaches to find a job and write a resume, coaches to build your self esteem, coaches to be a better communicator, coaches to find the right person, coaches to parent appropriately and the list goes on and on. Why has the bar been set so high for everything? And what happens to people who can't afford coaches?
- Feeling Never Good Enough, 26

Dear Feeling Never Good Enough,

I don't think there was a point where we stopped being good enough, but rather a point when as a society we became more competitive and externally driven thereby creating the opportunity to feel not good enough. Long ago human focus was on basic survival. But we've shifted our focus from surviving to thriving in a fast-paced, ego-driven world. Let's face it, if we all still had to grow or kill our own food, make our own clothes, and build our own homes, the thought of self-improvement would not even enter our minds.

Most of us no matter what our age or status in life deal with the very human feeling of insecurity. In my own life and in my work as a coach to others, I've noticed that we spend so much of our adult life trying to feel good about ourselves. There is always something that we'd like to be more, better, or different in our lives. Being "the best" at something is what many consider to be a key ingredient to success in life which is why the bar has been set so high. Sure, it'd be nice if we could all just accept ourselves as we are and not measure ourselves against each other; however, modern society does not operate in a way that makes that easy. We begin to be graded in Kindergarten and grown-up life does not come with a manual.

So, mix together insecurity, the constant opportunity to compare ourselves to others, and a competitive culture and you have the perfect recipe for not-enoughness. To combat this feeling of inadequacy, we seek others - such as a coach - to help us feel better about ourselves or to teach us how to do something that doesn't come naturally.

Libby Gill, Executive Coach and author of Traveling Hopefully: How to Lose Your Family Baggage and Jumpstart Your Life shares, "People never stopped being "good enough," our world started getting more complicated. Many of us live with nearly constant over-stimulation, dealing with stress, competition and disenfranchisement. Why wouldn't you seek guidance if you needed help in your personal or professional life? And it doesn't have to be from a paid professional coach - though, thankfully, there are some great ones - it can be from a family member, a colleague, a Toastmaster's group, or a community college class. Where you set the bar and how you seek help are purely personal decisions."

As both someone who has sought out my own coaching and is a life coach to others, I have experienced the value of being coached and seen the value of coaching others. Everyone has inherent strengths and weaknesses along with beliefs about themselves that may be limiting. A coach works with a client as both a cheerleader and a teacher to reinforce strengths and to support a client in overcoming what he/she perceives weaknesses. People who cannot afford to pay coaches do not have to be at a disadvantage. Be an advocate in someone else's life and you will find they will be there to support you as well. If you want to learn something new or need specific guidance, seek out someone that has the know-how you need and offer some sort of barter. And anyone who has perused the self-improvement section of a bookstore knows there is no shortage of guidebooks for all aspects of life.

And guidance through a coach, mentor or friend should not be viewed in the same light as the latest diet craze. The benefits of identifying and building strengths as well as overcoming emotional obstacles are ongoing, and help to create a foundation for future personal and professional success. Seeking help should not be thought of as a weakness whereas thinking you are above help is.

Instead of constant self-scrutiny, we all need to accept that there are going to be times in our lives when we need teachers and cheerleaders - but that doesn't mean something is wrong with us. Hiring a coach is an investment in your personal growth. Any good coach or tutor has been coached by someone else and is now just passing along the learnings. We're all in this together! If we can approach self-improvement and coaching as something that brings out our strengths rather than looking at it as the remedy for fixing what is broken, then maybe we can finally feel good enough - exactly as we are.

- Christine
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Comments

[DouglasEby]

Robert Anthony, author of Rich Mind Life Strategy program, has some provocative ideas on the subject, and writes: "We believe the cure is another book, program, system or seminar that will show us how we can improve ourselves so that we can finally have what we want. Where did we get this idea that we are deficient and need to improve ourselves? We got it from looking outside ourselves and comparing ourselves to others…. Simply put, we have forgotten how to think for ourselves."
http://talentdevelop.com/robert-anthony-on-the-disease-of-self-improvement/

[Theda]

Right on, DouglasEby!
I've known a few "spritual "coaches personally and their own lives are extemely messed up. They each have severe personal problems that they haven't solved, yet they give advice and tell other people how to live...and they get money for it!
People become addicted to the newest guru, swami and seminar. I know people who loved watching Bob Proctor in "The Secret." That should have encompassed all the wisdom they needed, right? However, some of them have signed up for Proctor's new $12,000 seminar.....$12,000 per person! He told them their lives won't improve until they each give him $12,000.
It goes on and on.....a big ponzi scheme in which the gurus, swamis and churches keep raking in the cash as they tell naive people.....your lives won't be straightened out until you buy this new tape, new book, new CD, new DVD or new seminar.
Pat Robertson and the fundamental Christians are just as bad. So are Scientologists, who also play on the fear and gullability of their "church goers." According to them, you have to pay at least $100,000 to have those evil Zenu pods erased from your brain!
God is within us....as our subconscious mind. We don't need the outside trappings or the swamis, life coaches or ministers.

[singermuse]

There's a great little book written by a Zen Buddhist teacher in California, called "There is nothing wrong with you".
Truer words I haven't heard in some time.
We live in a society that cashes in on the insecurities, dysfunctions, and suffering of people. They are counting on us not feeling like we'll ever be: good enough, thin enough, rich enough, talented enough, intelligent enough....and the list goes on....but none of this is true.
We don't have to listen to them, those little voices in our heads and on the airwaves and on the pages of every magazine; we can stop, be still, take time to KNOW we're fine right here and now, and in taking a nice deep breath we can get clarity to take the steps to be more ourselves and of service in this world that needs us to be not so self centered, but more giving loving laughing and really living.

[NedFlanders19]

People have been beaten down in many ways, such as religion. When a person is told that they are a sinner just by being in the world, they see themselves as not being good enough. When a person does not fit into society they are called names. Unhealthy experiences of not being attractive enough, skinny enough, etc., are commonplace especially among women.

To me, its a matter of remembering who we really are, for when we do, we go beyond knowing we are more than good enough and live from this place. In this society, such a small emphasis is placed upon knowing ourselves that one can just look around and see/hear how lost we are as a whole.

Being ourselves fully takes us beyond "good" and "bad" and into the realm of what precedes good/bad. It is a continuous process and makes everything in life more vibrant and alive. Its all inside each of us, yet we are trained to seek it externally, and we wonder how we can have so much and still be empty.

[Badmomma]

I want to know:
Who coaches the coaches?
What kind of training do you have to pass to be a coach?
How is this industry regulated? What qualifications are needed?
There is an ad on this page for the Life Coach Institute:
Earn the Nations Most Prestigious Life Coach Certification in 30 Days
www.lifecoachinstitute.com
I would not trust someone with 30 days training to tell me what do do with my life!
But that's just me.......