What I want to know is when people stopped being good enough? You need tutors for the SATs, coaches for college applications, coaches to find a job and write a resume, coaches to build your self esteem, coaches to be a better communicator, coaches to find the right person, coaches to parent appropriately and the list goes on and on. Why has the bar been set so high for everything? And what happens to people who can't afford coaches?
- Feeling Never Good Enough, 26
Dear Feeling Never Good Enough,
I don't think there was a point where we stopped being good enough, but rather a point when as a society we became more competitive and externally driven thereby creating the opportunity to feel not good enough. Long ago human focus was on basic survival. But we've shifted our focus from surviving to thriving in a fast-paced, ego-driven world. Let's face it, if we all still had to grow or kill our own food, make our own clothes, and build our own homes, the thought of self-improvement would not even enter our minds.
Most of us no matter what our age or status in life deal with the very human feeling of insecurity. In my own life and in my work as a coach to others, I've noticed that we spend so much of our adult life trying to feel good about ourselves. There is always something that we'd like to be more, better, or different in our lives. Being "the best" at something is what many consider to be a key ingredient to success in life which is why the bar has been set so high. Sure, it'd be nice if we could all just accept ourselves as we are and not measure ourselves against each other; however, modern society does not operate in a way that makes that easy. We begin to be graded in Kindergarten and grown-up life does not come with a manual.
So, mix together insecurity, the constant opportunity to compare ourselves to others, and a competitive culture and you have the perfect recipe for not-enoughness. To combat this feeling of inadequacy, we seek others - such as a coach - to help us feel better about ourselves or to teach us how to do something that doesn't come naturally.
Libby Gill, Executive Coach and author of Traveling Hopefully: How to Lose Your Family Baggage and Jumpstart Your Life shares, "People never stopped being "good enough," our world started getting more complicated. Many of us live with nearly constant over-stimulation, dealing with stress, competition and disenfranchisement. Why wouldn't you seek guidance if you needed help in your personal or professional life? And it doesn't have to be from a paid professional coach - though, thankfully, there are some great ones - it can be from a family member, a colleague, a Toastmaster's group, or a community college class. Where you set the bar and how you seek help are purely personal decisions."
As both someone who has sought out my own coaching and is a life coach to others, I have experienced the value of being coached and seen the value of coaching others. Everyone has inherent strengths and weaknesses along with beliefs about themselves that may be limiting. A coach works with a client as both a cheerleader and a teacher to reinforce strengths and to support a client in overcoming what he/she perceives weaknesses. People who cannot afford to pay coaches do not have to be at a disadvantage. Be an advocate in someone else's life and you will find they will be there to support you as well. If you want to learn something new or need specific guidance, seek out someone that has the know-how you need and offer some sort of barter. And anyone who has perused the self-improvement section of a bookstore knows there is no shortage of guidebooks for all aspects of life.
And guidance through a coach, mentor or friend should not be viewed in the same light as the latest diet craze. The benefits of identifying and building strengths as well as overcoming emotional obstacles are ongoing, and help to create a foundation for future personal and professional success. Seeking help should not be thought of as a weakness whereas thinking you are above help is.
Instead of constant self-scrutiny, we all need to accept that there are going to be times in our lives when we need teachers and cheerleaders - but that doesn't mean something is wrong with us. Hiring a coach is an investment in your personal growth. Any good coach or tutor has been coached by someone else and is now just passing along the learnings. We're all in this together! If we can approach self-improvement and coaching as something that brings out our strengths rather than looking at it as the remedy for fixing what is broken, then maybe we can finally feel good enough - exactly as we are.
- Christine
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