Are You Having A Quarterlife Crisis?

A "quarter life crisis" is defined by the online dictionary Word Spy as "Feelings of confusion, anxiety, and self-doubt experienced by some people in their twenties, especially after completing their education." This phrase has been around since the early nineties but really caught on in the last ten years as more twenty-somethings began to recognize and talk about it. I became interested in the phrase when at 25 years old I began to question everything in my life and was overwhelmed with doubt, anxiety and confusion about who I was and what I really wanted in life. I woke up one day in a cold sweat and found myself in the midst of my own quarterlife crisis. The good news is that I survived it and can honestly say it was one of the best experiences of my life. Now at 33, my passion is supporting twenty-somethings in navigating their way through their quarterlife crises.

So you may be wondering, "Am I having a quarterlife crisis?" To help you answer that question, take my quarterlife crisis diagnosis quiz which consists of 25, appropriately, questions. Read each question carefully and answer quickly with a simple yes or no (don't over think it!):

1. Are you in a "funk" where you feel like nothing is terribly wrong, but nothing seems right either?
2. Do you feel older for the first time in your life?
3. Are you unmotivated, directionless or passionless?
4. Are you concerned that you don't know what you want to do with your life?
5. Do you feel pressure to grow up and get your adult life in order?
6. Do you feel entitled to a life much grander than the one you are living?
7. Do you often feel depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, lost, and maybe even a little hopeless?
8. Do you feel a lot of pressure and expectations to do, have or be something?
9. Do you ever feel that time is running out in regards to figuring out your career and deciding whether you want to get married and/or have children?
10. Are you stressed out by choices that seemingly will affect the rest of your life?
11. Are you experiencing confusion or disappointment in your career?
12. Do you feel that you have failed because you don't know what you want to do with your life?
13. Do you know what you want to do, but can't seem to make it work?
14. Is it difficult for you to make decisions and when you do, you question them?
15. Do you overanalyze yourself?
16. Do you ever feel guilty for complaining about your life or feel like you are disappointing people (especially your parents)?
17. Are you embarrassed that you have not figured out more?
18. Is a breakup, romantic relationship, or lack of one causing you stress and/or sadness?
19. Are you still living at home with mom and dad?
20. Do you frequently compare yourself to other people your age and feel like you don't measure up?
21. Do you feel financially unstable?
22. Could your self-esteem use an upgrade?
23. Are you thinking about going back to grad school because you don't know what else to do with your life?
24. Are you constantly thinking about the future resulting in anxiety and possibly panic?
25. Is your life just not at all turning out like you planned?

If you answered "yes" to 12 or more of the 25 questions above, you are likely to be experiencing a quarterlife crisis. But don't worry, this is not bad news! The purpose of the quiz is to show you that you are actually going through a very normal and natural rite of passage that no one may have warned you about. You are not alone. The questions presented come from my eight years of investigating what most of us go through during our twenties which is a lot of questioning! The twenty-something years are a confusing, scary, frustrating and exciting, stimulating, and transformational time. Unfortunately, a high school or college diploma does not come with instructions for the "real world." You have to believe in and truly get to know yourself in order to have clarity about your dreams and goals as well as insights about how to reach them. But that is no easy task, especially in a society that is so externally focused and driven by expectations.

You may have bought into some misunderstanding that by your twenties, you are supposed to have your entire life figured out. This is false! The twenty-something years are a rather messy rite of passage without any fancy ceremonies or parties to mark that you are through them. Once you remove this intense pressure to do, be, and have so much on the outside, and shift your focus inside, you will see that you get to decide what your twenty-something years are really about. You are the expert, you have the answers, and you will be your own greatest motivator. Trust me. Or better yet, trust yourself.

My intention in writing this column is to reassure you that there is nothing wrong with you and offer some tips for navigating your own way through it. Up until now, your entire life may have been well scripted and now you are at a point in your life where you have to answer your own questions. Before you try to answer all the questions about what to be and who to be with, there is a very fundamental question to clarify first: WHO ARE YOU? This is the question I invite you to explore between now and my column next week. Take some time to sit quietly and reflect upon this question. Write your answers and thoughts out, don't just think about them (you think enough already!).

Now for those of you thinking that you do not have time for self-discovery, my response to you is that you cannot afford not to. The alternative is to continue to spin in your quarterlife crisis and make choices based on fear, other people's advice, expectations, or societal pressures. And there is nothing wrong with that if you are prepared to have a mid-life crisis as well!

Until next week,
Your Quarterlife coach, Christine

 

 

Follow Christine Hassler on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Christine Hassl

Comments

[KIVPossum]

What? We can't wait for a mid-life crisis any more?

[julierose]

After being layed off a year ago this month, mom passing away, relocated to Denver, completed BS degree in Business, and now working on my M.Ed. degree, yes I am definately going through a Quarterlife crisis at 44. I don't know where to go next in life, where to get a job, and in a slump.

[MosheDayanHero]

This can be filed with such superfluous notion as kindergarten graduation.

[suz11]

Eh! I think this is called "Welcome to Adulthood". You grapple with a lot of this stuff even in your 30's and 40's. You just get more confident as you get older.

[StephenJK]

I don't know about a quarter-life crisis. but, one time when I was about 8 I think I had an eighth-life crisis. It was terrible, summer was upon us and I got grounded for swearing when I thought no adults were around. I was devastated for days.

[iScan]

Can I give my answers to these? I know they were rhetorical questions, but I thought I'd share my thoughts. Why? Because sharing is fun.
1. Yes. Its called "mornings"
2. Yes, but only in the mind. Old and tired..already?
3. Why should I not be? What can we believe in that is actually real?
4. Like work your way up from a medium house and medium pay to a nicer house and more pay? Sounds like another tier of the same thing. So what's the real incentive if you not materialistic? This is only good if you want to enable yourself to help others. Otherwise you're just working for yourself, and at the end of the day only a selfish person has a 6 figure income just to support their own habits.
5. Only from other family members that already did what they wanted and stopped doing it because you can't make any money doing good things for people or animals, usually. Yet they still preach.
6. Define "grand"
7. Just indifferent. Regardless of how long you have to wait in line for the next iPhone, you have no problems like those born in third world, conflict stricken he//holes. So it's all relative and only your perception decides if it is really that big of a problem.

[iScan]

8. Yes, its called institutionalized materialism. That comes from everything you watch or read your whole life telling you to do or buy something you don't need.
9. Not at all, I've got a little 401k going so at least I've started, even though there's not a huge amount of money going in. Money is money, and even more so when you don't have much.
10. Don't make choices unless you're sure about them, and if you still do, it's not actually the end of the world, just the end of your own convenience, for the time being.
11. Don't do something you can't handle or don't think will be rewarding enough for your sensitive little ego.
12. It is better to leave your mind open, IMHO, than to dedicate it on one or two things and forget about the point of your existence, and that is to feel, to love, and to help other animals, yes even humans.

[iScan]

13. Some things just don't work if people can't accept a break from the status quo. For those that can't be heard, their time will come. Just write it down! People will probably get it after you're long gone. That's how geniuses usually work.
14. Regret is a wasted emotion. Why worry about something you already did? Can you change it? NO. Like the shoe store that stole it's name from the Greek Goddess of Victory says: Just do it.(but think about it a little first)
15. Only when I'm st0ned.
16. I try not to bother others with my negativity. Lucky you.
17. The more I learn the more I know that there's so much more to learn. So maybe humbled, but not really embarassed.
18. I am indifferent to it, so no. Emotions come and go and your mind likes to trick you into thinking that lust means love. Love doesn't happen between young adults, it happens in a family.
19. No, but some people need to take care of their parents so that's not really a basis for anything.

[iScan]

20. I see people my age that make obscene amounts of money and do nothing with it, so for them I just feel sorry, not jealous.
21. Stability is another illusion. Anybody in any field that has anything to do with technology is just one electromagnetic pulse away from losing their job. We rely on it too much for how fragile it is.
22. Maybe just a haircut.
23. Sure, because knowledge is never a waste no matter what you do or don't do with it. You are mentally richer in the long run and that lasts much longer than green paper or numbers in your bank account.
24. Only when I think of what will happen if people don't stop feeding their children HFCS in every meal, and if our nation doesn't get Health Insurance and Wall Street reformed, yeah BIG TIME.
25. Anything can happen to anyone, at anytime. Plans are only as good as the back up plan for when your initial dream doesn't fit the bill of reality. Think realistically and you won't have that problem. Trial and error is usually a part of that decision process, though. It takes some a few tries before they get it. In the end, they are still better off for trying before they buy.

[AHDes38]

Thank you for this column; it is a pretty amazing feeling to know that other people are going through the same trials, tribulations, anxiety and insecurity. It's a weird thing to think your life is figured out a year and a half after you graduate from college, only to find yourself still working in the same dead-end job, with no hope of mobility. All I have to say is, don't make me wait a week, help me figure out my life now!

[KIVPossum]

People have been going through the same thing for generations. In one way or another, for centuries.

[RolandoSandor]

I had a major crisis. I attended Berkeley, had a great job...and it was all pointless some how. I retreated from everything for a few months, wrote a lot and then started doing volunteer work that lead to Project Happiness (www.projecthappiness.com). I realize now, that I had been prepared to analyze and handle data...fine if I were a computer...not fine if you are a brilliant creative compassionate person. This is not an individual problem...we've set up systems that are failing us.

[Eric Penner]

I am undoubtedly in the midst of a quarterlife crisis. I answered yes to nearly all of the questions, and am quite certain that this began in my latter years at university. I'm now skeptical about everything I thought my life would be, and have little to no direction, which stems from uncertainty, pressure, skepticism, and a whole host of other factors that are currently bearing weight on my shoulders.

I'm sure it will pass, as most life crises do, but it's had a massive impact on my overall confidence and notion of self-worth. I suppose the only thing I can do is be proactive and cling to the feelings of optimism that float freely through my mind every so often. I just keep telling myself that there's light at the end of the tunnel, and it's these clichéd self-assurances that somehow keep me going. Best of luck to anybody else currently experiencing this, as I know precisely what you're going through!

[shelleydg]

My life is the epitome of the quarterlife crisis. On top of it all, my generation of twentysomethings is dealing with even higher career anxiety. The Lost Generation article that ran in Business Week a couple weeks ago said that this would affect us for at least another decade. I feel like there's just a big mass of educated, capable and eager people who just feel helpless right now.

[yakmeat]

Part of the 1/4 life crisis has to do with how the economy has changed over the past few decades. The whole concept of "education = job = career = home, family and a comfortable retirement" is not such a linear trajectory anymore.

Many of our parents started out with nothing, but were able to move gradually forward. They couldn't have it all and have it now, but they could eventually get ahead. Today, people take on massive debt just to go to college. We step into our adult lives being tens of thousands of dollars in the red, only to find that we're qualified for a $10/hr job. While we chase after some form of economic security, we delay or miss many "life milestones" such as buying a home or having a child. Many of our parents were in their early or mid twenties when we were born. How many 23 year-olds today feel economically stable enough to become parents? Many of our parents paid their home mortgages off in their 50's. How many people today can even buy a house before they're 35?

Life as a whole just takes longer now. 30 is the new 20. 40 is the new 30. Retirement? Maybe by 80. So if you're 26 and feeling a bit off-course, there's nothing wrong with you. The cheese has been moved.

[skunky93]

Hey I've talked about this! I always tell my younger family members about the phase I went through right after graduating college. It lasted for a few years but it helped shape me into who I am today. I felt so confused, frustrated, sad, unfulfilled, scared, etc.
I used to say that it was the phase where reality hits and I realized that i had to grow up bc college was over. It was definitely a crisis type feeling...it really affected me and drove me to go back to school. I've told them to expect it and not be scared if they feel that way. I'm so glad to see this article. I'm going to share it with all my younger family members and younger acquaintances.