THE BLOG

Just Ask

03/23/2015 02:09 pm ET | Updated May 23, 2015

"Ask and ye shall receive."

You've heard this, yet do you find that sometimes you do not ask?

Like times when you feel like it would be needy or greedy. Or times when you do not want to put the other person out or feel uncomfortable. Or times you don't want to "make a scene" like the last time you just settled for your order being wrong at a restaurant rather than asking it to be corrected.

And then there are those times when we really desire something but the fear of "no" stops us from asking. Imagining the possible pain of perceived rejection becomes a roadblock to making requests.

Oh and of course there are the times when we do not want to look stupid so we pretend to understand something rather than asking for clarity.

I get asking can feel scary or uncomfortable, but if you do not ask you will never get a "YES!" You will miss out on cool perks and opportunities to learn something. I share stories about some recent asks I have made and offer you tips for doing the same in today's vlog.

Today my encouragement is to ASK for what you want. Make powerful requests. Stop settling for what you do not want.

A few things to keep in mind to be a powerful and heart-centered asker:

* Be confident when you make the request. Avoid needy, weak body language and wording. Stand up straight. Have a smile on your face. Speak from your belly with confidence. Avoid saying something like, "I really hope you can do this for me because I really, really need it and I'm so sorry to ask." Be direct. Don't dance around with justification, story or an apology.

* Ask when you do not understand. Even if you may appear unknowledgeable about something. How else will you learn? Ignorance is not bliss.

* Ask to prevent future regret. Take comfort in the fact that you had the courage to ask and you'll never have to wonder if the answer would have been yes. Imagine the shoulda-coulda-woulda thinking you can free yourself from!

* Receive "nos" with neutrality. Stop making "no" mean anything about you. Just because your request is denied does not mean you are rejected. It does not mean you should not have asked. All "no" means is "no, not yet or not now."

* Be grateful no matter what the answer is. Say thank you. Show your appreciation to the other person no matter what there response is. And if you do get a yes, feel free to be enthusiastic and show your excitement. It makes the person who granted the request feel really good. On the other hand, if the answer is no, please do not go into any pity party or victim mode in an attempt to make the other person feel bad.

I love asking for things and making heart-centered, empowering requests. It's fun! Because I am not afraid of a no, I frequently get upgrades, better tables at restaurants, people helping me with things, and lots of other unexpected pleasant surprises. There have been many times I've asked a question when I didn't understand something when other people around have thanked me for asking because they didn't get it either!

Is being such a bold asker selfish?

Only we come at it with a sense of entitlement or self-centeredness. I always check in with myself before making a request to ensure it is coming from an authentic place. I ask with gratitude and without attachment. Also, I love granting requests as well. Giving a yes is just as fun as receiving one.

The more we give, the more we receive. The more we receive, the more we have to give.

I'd love to hear about what you are asking for.

Love,

Christine