I really can't stand being lied to. It drives me bananas!
But the truth is, kids do it all the time.
I want to share a couple of my lying a-ha moments and strategies that have helped me think of it differently and have changed the way I'm now dealing with this behavior at home.
First, it's confession time...
I was chatting with a friend about nothing in particular and I totally lied to make myself seem more -- what's the word? -- cool, important, together, all of the above. It was so strange. I didn't plan it, I didn't even really understand it and once I said it, it was all I could think about for the rest of the conversation: Why did I just do that? Where did that even come from? Should I go back and explain? That moment reminded me that...
Sometimes we all say what we wish was true, but it's not always because we're trying to be sneaky or manipulative.
Later the same day, I was talking with my oldest and he told quite an obvious lie. I very nearly launched into a mini-lecture about the importance of trust and honesty, but I remembered my own lie and realized that in the confusing and very literal world of a kid's brain, it probably wasn't really a lie at all.
To kids, things stop existing when they can't be seen anymore, time is a very abstract concept and sometimes little people just forget, or tell you what they think will make you happy.
Maybe your kids aren't consciously lying at all, maybe they're just telling you their own personal version of reality.
So what does that mean for us as parents? How can we create a space for our kids where there's no opportunity to lie or at least no need to do it?
In my case, I decided that maybe not getting the answer I want actually means that I'm asking the wrong questions...
Parent: Did you do that? Kid: No.
Parent: What did you do? Kid: Nothing.
Parent: How did this happen? Kid: I don't know.
And then I started thinking about all the times I ask them questions that I already know the answer to, as a way to test their honesty, or to start a conversation... and teach a lesson.
I don't want my kids to lie to me, especially not about the little things. It makes me worry about what will happen when something really big and important happens to them.
So, here's what I'm choosing to do instead:
1. I try to take away the blame and shame and try not to give them a reason to lie in the first place. I take a big, deep breath and practice not being reactive before I speak.
Example: *breathe* "I see that you had a spill. Please get a cloth and wipe it up," or *breathe* "There's a big mess of toys over there, it doesn't matter to me who did it, we're all going to clean it up now."
2. I tell my little people, "I love YOU no matter what. I do not love that decision," all the time, and I mean it.
3. When I do get an honest answer, I say, "Thank you for being honest." Then I take a big, deep breath and practice not being reactive again. Because, sometimes the truth isn't really what I want to hear either.
How do you deal with lying in your house?
Christine Marion-Jolicoeur helps busy parents find the joy in everyday moments so they can raise healthy, connected kids. She's an Amazon #1 bestselling author, published in Huffington Post and elephant journal and creator of the Joyful Parenting ecourse. Download fee gifts for parents at ChristineMJ.com/freegift
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.