What We Talk About When We Talk About Miley Cyrus

As the mother of a 13-year-old girl, I couldn't resist trying to use the Miley Cyrus media tempest du jour as an opportunity to engage in one of those much-heralded parent-child teaching moments. So this morning, between bites of breakfast, I tried to engage my daughter in sharing her thoughts on the subject. Only trouble was, she couldn't have cared less about the subject.

"You watch a decent amount of TV and download music on your nano all the time," I implored. "Surely your friends have been talking about it." This was my chance to infuse some caring, motherly observations about body image and self-worth into the day, and I was not about to be cheated out of it. "What?" she said as she riffled through the homework in her backpack. "I haven't thought about it. No one cares."

But that's not true, I wanted to say to her retreating back as she walked out the door for the bus stop. The 24-hour media care. A lot. The story has been all over the usual suspects: The afternoon, evening and morning talk shows, the tabloid press and yes, the blogs. And if this isn't a Casablanca-style "I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on here!" moment, I don't know what is.

How many female teeny bopper stars (shows my age just to use that phrase, I know) have managed to avoid being portrayed in a sexual context in the media, almost as a rite of passage, and still enjoyed blossoming careers? Jamie Lee Curtis noted in these pages that decades ago, a teenage Brooke Shields announced that nothing would get between her and her Calvins; currently, TV shows like "Gossip Girl" depict glamorous, hot-to-trot teens engaging in sex. In real life, Jamie Lynn Spears certainly doesn't consider it a career-buster to flaunt her 16-year-old pregnancy in public -- and rightly so, because odds are overwhelming that she'll be performing again just as soon as she's shed that baby fat. In terms of physical presentation, flab is the one unforgivable sin for young pop queens held up as "role models."

Still think images of sexed-up stars are the exceptions, and not the rule? Just visit a news stand or walk in a heavily billboarded area like Times Square, and it's impossible to deny that the our culture prefers its young women objectified as pouty temptresses. The pictures sell beauty products and clothes, ads and the very on-air media time that bloviators use to decry the licentiousness they exploit.

If my daughter had stuck around for a mother-child tete a tete, I would have patiently asked her for her thoughts, and then launched into a discussion (hopefully in the preferred Socratic method: "Why do you think she did it?" "What do you think she hoped Vanity Fair readers would say about her when they saw her photos?")

Then I would have given my summing up of the situation: "I think she did it because she was excited to be in Vanity Fair and have her pictures taken by a famous photographer. I think she hoped people would say she looked beautiful, and that the pictures were arty. This is not a young woman who has to sit for magazine photos to boost her career. This is a young woman who appeared at the Academy Awards and didn't even break a sweat. She looked like the least-nervous person on-camera, and she's 15."

Sure, the photos don't show Miley stylishly cramming for an exam, rowing for the crew team or titrating test tubes in a lab. As a mom, I think that would be great. But that's not the culture we live in. Her loved ones know and care about her. But to the rest of us, she's a product, posing in a product, garnering publicity on TV shows that are products themselves. And I would like to think that when it comes to the "scandalous" or "controversial" quality of the subject matter, that today's teens recognize it for what it is: something some people want to buy, rather than be. And that if their parents are worried that they don't get it, they can help them to do so.

Comments

[BassMent]

Hah! Yes, my 12-year-old daughter is equally non-plused. Her only comment on the photo was that Miley looked pretty but didn't look much like Miley. I told her the photo was taken by a famous photographer who had a well-deserved reputation for doing that to her subjects, catching them in a moment when they looked maybe not quite themselves. She said, "Oh."

But my daughter's biggest concern was, the next time Hannah Montana tours, will I be able to afford to buy her a ticket!

[OnTheCusp]

This picture of Miley Cyrus is only bothering people because we still have a double standard in the US regarding sexuality. We still have not processed the shame and humiliation our parents heaped on us when we came home with hickies on our necks after dates. Until we can accept that girls and women all have sexual urges and feelings (and experiences!) then we will continue to project our shame onto them. While we laugh at our infant sons when we find them pulling on their tiny penises, ("Look! How cute!",) we are horrified when we "catch" our daughters touching themselves. And all because we cannot accept our OWN sexual desires.
Some day Miley Cyrus will be glad she has this image of herself to remind her of her glorious youth and vitality.

[WorkingClass]

We need to lower the age of consent to 15. Then Miley could show whatever she wants and KEEP THE MONEY.

[PatA]

Etta James, the blues singer, says it like this, "it ain't what you do, but who you let see you do it".

[Tim1974]

I am a single Dad of 4 daughters ages 10-13. I also had some similar concerns and, interestingly enough, their reaction was the same. They hadn't thought about it and they said they didn't care. I have always let them know that I am available to talk, and they will take me up on that at times, but this seems to be a case of much to do about nothing. However, as a Dad, I will retain my right to continue to be concerned. Dang, this parent thing can be confusing.

[IsaacKuo]

This is precisely what I don't get about the media hooplah. They constantly repeat the obvious falsehood that Miley's "fans" are confused. Huh? In what alternate universe?

Her fans couldn't care less. The only confusion and concern/outrage is from her fans's parents. Regardless of whether that confusion/concern/outrage is reasonable or not, let's be honest with ourselves about who's upset.

[LizzyTish]

Thanks for this nice piece!! As a mom, I really appreciate it. I have a 4 year and work with tweens and teens, and they are all incredibly media savvy. I am still put off by the images, because I am not as convinced as you that Miley is secure enough to handle these things - but I don't know her.

In any case, discussion like you attempted is always good...really because the kids will reassure you that you have vastly underestimated them.

That is one of the most amazing things about this...so many people seem not to understand that her young fans (the 10-14 year olds who aren't in the Vanity Fair demo) are seeing these images on the web, and would have with or without scandal, and can process their context in the girls career and the intentions of the companies who control her time with surprising facility.

[Josiwe]

Holy Crack, a sensible opinion. Prepare for backlash!