Mel and I usually use sexual innuendos around the house as a way to flirt without the kids knowing what we are talking about. Really anything can be turned into an innuendo as long as it is followed with a sly smile and raised eyebrows. We started doing this shortly after we had our first child. But now that Tristan and Norah are 6 and 4, they are very interested in in our conversations, and our innuendos have created some hilarious misunderstandings.
Below are some examples.
Mel: Thanks for vacuuming out the car. You might just have an appointment tonight.
Norah: Can I go to the appointment?
Mel: I melted the butter for the French bread.
Clint: You melt my butter.
Tristan: Ha! Ha! Mom doesn't have butter.
Mel: Would you mind cleaning the waffle iron? We are having breakfast for dinner.
Clint: I'd like to clean your waffle iron.
Tristan: Mom's waffle iron is broken.
Mel: You suck at loading the dishwasher.
Clint: I'm good at loading your dishwasher.
Mel: No you're not.
Clint: Obviously I am. Look at you. You're pregnant.
Norah: (speaking to Tristan): Daddy's good at loading Mommy's dishwasher.
Mel: We haven't had an appointment for a while.
Clint: Yeah... We should make one for tonight.
Tristan: Is Mommy going to the doctor? Is Mommy sick?
Clint (bending over to pull out a large pot to boil a ham): This stupid ham pot is stuck.
Mel: I like your ham.
Clint: Wow! Thanks, babe. I like your ham, too.
Tristan: I don't like anyone's ham!
Mel: Are you watching this? You're going to burn the bacon.
Clint: You burn my bacon.
Mel: Nice. Well... I have a paper to write tonight, so you don't get any of my bacon.
Norah: Mommy, can I have some of your bacon?
Clint: What are you putting in that? Corn? I hate corn.
Mel: I like your corn.
Tristan: No one likes Dad's corn!