A Scathing Look at "Celebrity"

When I read the news yesterday that Joaquin Phoenix was giving up acting and getting out of the business, I felt strangely proud and full of admiration for him. I have always wondered why more celebrities don't come to this same decision, especially the ones who are always complaining about the lack of privacy and the pressure to stay physically competitive. I mean, when you have tens of millions of dollars in the bank, doesn't that give you the luxury of "opting out"? I've always fantasized about it, haven't you?

But then I saw the video clip of the interview wherein he reveals this startling information and I was embarrassed for the interviewer. Joaquin Phoenix came across as smug and arrogant when Extra's Jerry Penacoli laughed at his statement, assuming he was just joking. The scorn and derision on Joaquin's face was obvious. I couldn't believe how self-important he came off, as if to say "How dare you question the great and powerful Oz (Joaquin)!" And then it dawned on me... this is why celebrities have trouble giving up "celebrity." They are so accustomed to someone hanging on their every word; ready to fulfill every wish and desire that normal every-day life would be a tremendous adjustment.

Case in point: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Here are two people who have committed themselves to many worthy causes, and for that I am very grateful. They have the power and the money to contribute to the world in a way that I can only imagine. But correct me if I'm wrong, didn't they also make a commitment to parent and raise 6 children? They certainly have enough net worth to be able to take a break from working in entertainment, continue their charitable work, and focus on raising emotionally stable children. Can someone please tell me why these two can't stop making movies? Is it the ego-gratification that is so alluring and impossible to let go of? Is it the guilt of disappointing managers, agents, studio execs and others that make money off of them? Is it the fans?

Frankly I don't care what it is. I have a judgment about raising children...if you're not going to make the full commitment, then don't do it! Children are not objects through which we look for our own shiny reflection. They are human beings that have varying individual needs from the day they are born. Studies in neuroscience suggest that the quality of attachments made to the mother or caretaker in the first year of life is the most profound determinant of healthy relationships and good mental health in the future. How then can healthy attachment occur when the parent is out of proximity to the child? As humanitarian as Angelina is; recently traveling to Afghanistan for 3 days, her children remain estranged from their mother for that time. Who is the priority here? What about the needs of her own children?

Mia Farrow was the first celebrity I can remember who adopted children from many cultures and ethnic backgrounds. Unlike the Jolie-Pitts, I have nothing but admiration for her. Why? Have you heard anything about Mia Farrow in the last 2 decades other than her husband, Woody Allen, seducing and marrying their daughter? No, she stepped out of the lime light to raise her children. That became her job. And don't get me started on Woody Allen! I am disgusted that he is still making movies and hasn't been shunned for being a child molester. This is a man who began taking semi-naked pictures of his adopted daughter while underage. Not that waiting until she was 18 years old would have been excusable. But for all intents and purposes, this was the only father figure she had ever known. For him to have broken that trust is deplorable. And then what... all is forgiven because he married her and exclaimed "The heart wants what the heart wants." Oh, it was the "heart" was it? Yeah, right.

And now that I'm on a tear... who is this Jennifer Lopez? How much attention does one woman need? It's unbelievable to me that she would compete in a triathlon Sunday morning in Malibu and then be celebrating her husband's birthday, which she planned, for $400,000, that same night in New York! Where are the twins? Having competed in the same triathalon several years ago, I know how many hours of training go into preparing for such an event. Trust me, it's obsessive. Although a woman has a right to do with her body as she sees fit, and there is enormous pressure to "lose that baby weight" immediately, I have to question the amount of hours she is choosing to spend away from her newborn twins. That's not time you can get back as far as establishing consistent attachment. I wonder if this is simply nothing more than ego-gratification. I have another example to support my musings... two weeks after J Lo's $400,000 soiree, she and Marc renewed their wedding vows in a lavish suite at Caesar's Palace. All done spur of the moment in the pre-dawn hours. So if you're both out partying all night, who's taking care of the children's feedings? Not them, that's for sure! How much stimulation and excitement does this woman need anyway?

It may not be fair of me to judge since I am on the outside looking in. But as a psychotherapist with plenty of experience seeing "the writing on the wall," I would bet that my observations are right on the money. So Joaquin, best of luck with your music career. Just don't be too disappointed when no one cares!

Comments

[NobodyofConsequence]

I guess as a therapist you can put yourself in the position of knowing it all, even if you don't have children. Would you be making the same criticism of a woman who has to work long hours or travel for business? Why would Angelina's going to work in another country be so deplorable? Is it because she isn't getting paid or doesn't need the money anyway? Are you saying that the father's love and attention is not as important, which can be deduced if you follow through your logic on the Brad and Angelina scenario? If one parent is there, is that not better than a non-relative childcare provider?

While money doesn't make everything better, it makes many things easier. Your criticisms of Angelina and praise of Mia Farrow are a little out of balance. Sometimes it makes you a better mother to take some time for yourself...be a little selfish. If that means doing something meaningful like visiting Afghanistan as a humanitarian or something stupid like going way for a long weekend with the girls, then isn't she entitled to a life as well? Does she have to give up all identity and professional drive just because she had a child?

[JacquelineAB]

Colleen - a little jealous are we? Or you just naturally snarky because this couple appears to have it all? So this mother has chosen to stay in her line of work (Acting) after having a child, what's wrong with that? From everything I have read on them, Brad and Angelina NEVER take work at the same time so one parent is ALWAYS available. Gee, what bad parenting...And they embrace their celebrity because it allows them to donate MILLIONS to causes they care about. Yeah, Mia dropped out to take care of her 12 kids or so but how many more have this couple been able to help simply because they choose to continue working at the extraordinary salaries given to stars of their stature so they can AFFORD to help so many wanting children, charities and causes. Again, what bad parenting...Different families and different commitments but no less important or relevant than the mother who opts to stay home with her college degree and raise her children. Accuse those who do nothing with their talents and money and leave these two charitable people alone. I wish I could embrace my celebrity and fund some of what they are doing! Point your brittle finger at those who are spending all their time in nightclubs and 2 years of living at Chateau Marmont at 2K a night! This sounds mostly like sour grapes to me...

[nmb22]

Great article! So true!

[sealoverv]

Hey Colleen - I love it and I hear you! Here's my rant and reply. It's the generation of super women, I've got to have it and do it all. I believe when we try to do it all, something's got to suffer. It's quantity versus quality. When a women can't get pregnant, and especially celebrity women, all we hear is all the expensive testing and pregnancy attempts and how not being able to conceive is stressing the partnership out.Then, they get pregnant, have a child and it's off to work, the gym, partying they go, leaving the child with the nanny. My beef is how many celebs adopt special needs children? Yes it's true, Madonna adopted a child from Africa, who might have had a challenging life, but, having worked in the foster care system here, I see how many children get thrown into and bounced around in our crazy foster system.
Thank you,
Victoria

Just some of my thoughts,
Vicky