" U.S. Constitution,
"Law & Order,
By Jerry Zezima In their chart-topping 1965 hit, "Turn! Turn! Turn!," the Byrds sang, "To everything, turn, turn, turn." To which they might have added: "Except if you make an illegal turn, turn, turn." In which case you'll end up in traffic court. That's where I found myself recently after...
All it takes is a practiced routine, a few (dozen) simple steps, and the patience of a saint to guide your kids to a night of dreamy splendor.
2014 Midterm Elections,
The Empire Strikes Back,
The process of placing the President in suspended animation will involve a metal compound made of carbon and tibanna gas used to smuggle items or transport people across the galaxy.
Although it was a magical experience, there are a few things I would do differently on my next Facebook vacation. Here are some tips if you're about to embark on the journey.
After a 30-minute-car ride of listening to poop and butt jokes, you arrive at the laser tag arena. Dread begins to fill your heart, as the attendant has just informed you that there is NO ROOM for your party of 13. Your palms begin to sweat.
Queen Elizabeth II,
It is rumored that the British were forced to make this sudden decision when the Scots threatened to invade England wearing nothing but kilts -- and more disturbingly -- no underwear.
Comedy isn't like baseball: there are few empirical statistics from which to derive talent, performance, and yep, even pay scales. This all said, it's of my strong opinion that Toronto's Alex Nussbaum is Canada's funniest comedian.
Back To School,
After the Time of Potty, he washed his hands and his clothes and the floor and those around him. And then poopeth he did go. Not on the potty, but behind the potted plant. Because it was safe. And they sighed deeply and whispered the Prayer of the Pull-Up.
Now that you've deleted it let's stop focusing on trivial matters like what band bulldozes their way onto our playlists, and start focusing on the things that do matter -- like what could possibly be keeping Gwen Stefani from aging.
You'll wanna start with boy band pop because you're a happy bubbly person who's gonna have a clean desk, but you'll end up blasting "Welcome to the Black Parade" as you lie among the desolate piles old paper clips, driver's ed paperwork and illegible to-do lists from 2006.
This is no joke. The pancakes are damn good. Tom Daddario had wondered whether he should make them. As a stand-up comic, he's obsessed with getting the last laugh.
Domestic violence isn't funny. But the absurdity and hypocrisy regarding the Ray Rice incident is sort of amusing.
When hornrims and grandma sweaters are sexy - Arno Nym investigative Part 2 Today - We live in strange times. Signs seem to change to the opposite, maybe a new world order is on it's way. It is so obvious: Hornrims are sexy,...
No long conversations at the urinal (a simple "Hey man" or nod is acceptable). And, absolutely no talking between stalls.
Fathers And Sons,
Our children mess up. They lie to us, they're sneaky, they don't listen and they know how to push all the wrong buttons. I'm not telling you something you don't already know. However, despite what our kids do to make us mad at times, we do things that are probably just as irritating.
I had a pet monkey. It was awesome. Sometimes. He was wild. He was a lot of responsibility. He was like... Facebook.
11. Essay question: Tell your interviewer the biggest lie you can think of, without stammering or blinking.
Now Daddy loved gadgets... and when he was strolling through the huge Sears store on Main Street in Dothan, AL he came upon a Christmas Tree Flocking Kit. It was a fairly simple affair.