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James Schlarmann

Man Offers To Put Bill O'Reilly Up In Slaves' Quarters For A Year

James Schlarmann | July 29, 2016 | Comedy
A man in Mississippi has offered up the old slave quarters on his property to Bill O'Reilly for up to a year, rent free. The Fox News host recently made remarks in response to First Lady Michelle Obama's speech at the Democratic National Convention.
Cody Brotter

Donald Trump's Phone Calls to Bill Clinton

Cody Brotter | July 28, 2016 | Comedy
There have been a lot of rumors that Bill Clinton is actually behind Donald Trump's campaign, which is intended to self-sabotage and result in the election of his wife. Now, thanks to these completely fake transcripts, we can falsely confirm that the rumors are 100 percent true.
Will Durst

Packing List For Cleveland

Will Durst | July 28, 2016 | Comedy
Yours truly has made arrangements to travel to both the land of Cleve and the delphia of Phil and looks forward to being embedded in the upper Midwest just in time for the Humidity Festival the way a crustacean awaits boiling water. And to clarify what we can expect, let him now share a list of indispensable items he's taking to the first part of this summer sojourn.
David S. Simon

THE OFFICIAL ONLINE APPLICATION TO JOIN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY

David S. Simon | July 27, 2016 | Comedy
Are you a real Christian who lives by what your bible preaches or are you a fake one who pretends to be virtuous while spewing unsullied animosity towards anyone who does not agree with you while you actively prevent the struggling lower class of America from enjoying the same kind of life that you feel that you are entitled to?
Zach Zimmerman

19 Ice Breakers For First Dates

Zach Zimmerman | July 27, 2016 | Comedy
Why did your last relationship end? Please answer in a limerick.
James Schlarmann

Michelle Obama Plagiarizes Michelle Obama In Her DNC Speech

James Schlarmann | July 27, 2016 | Comedy
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA -- In its first night, the 2016 Democratic National Convention played host to First Lady Michelle Obama. All over social and traditional media outlets, her speech is being given high praise and many feel it could help thaw the ice between entrenched "Bernie or Bust" voters and mainstream...
Francis Levy

Sleepy's: The Mattress Professionals

Francis Levy | July 27, 2016 | Comedy
If you ever start to feel your eyelids grow heavy while you're driving, stop at a Sleepy's and try out one of the beds. Most stores and especially libraries don't like it when customers use their public areas to rest. You can't walk...
Stephanie D. Lewis

10 Unique Reasons You Should NOT Let Home Phones Die!

Stephanie D. Lewis | July 28, 2016 | Comedy
It would seem most people presume anyone who really wants to reach them will just send a text. But this is a huge mistake, and you should grieve the loss of your landline. Here's why...
Galanty Miller

Bernie or Lust (or: the Sociology of the "Never Hillary" Movement)

Galanty Miller | July 26, 2016 | Comedy
Even obsessive Star Wars fans have trouble describing Darth Vader's role within the evil Empire. He's not running the show. Emperor Palpatine is the one in charge. And at board meetings, Vader is simply one of several military high-ranking officials... although unlike the generals and lieutenants, Darth Vader doesn't really have an official title.
The Second City

How To Slow Your Feminist Roll In 7 Female-Friendly Steps

The Second City | July 28, 2016 | Comedy
Step 1: Settle in with a La Croix (apricot) to watch the Democrats celebrate Hillary Clinton, the first female to earn a major party’s nomination for President of the United States. What a night for women! And America! Step 2: High-five yourself as one of the evening’s...
Brian Caldirola

Dare To Be Great

Brian Caldirola | July 27, 2016 | Comedy
Sam Rivman

On The Red Carpet: Keedar Whittle's Hear Me Out

Sam Rivman | July 26, 2016 | Comedy
Earlier this month, Keedar Whittle filmed his live audience comedy special titled Hear Me Out at the El Portal Theatre in Hollywood. The show was very well received by the audience and featured a slew of other performers, including host Matt Rife. The show will be available on television...
Paul Steven Stone

Dems Use Russians As A Shield To Deflect DNC Email Story

Paul Steven Stone | July 26, 2016 | Comedy
Careful, they are skilled at stealth attacks. They can change a story overnight, even the big ones -- that's why they're paid the big bucks. And now, they're taking on their biggest challenge. Convincing the American people and whatever media isn't owned by the Democratic Party to start talking about...
Paul Steven Stone

The CDC Issues 'CLINTON TOXICITY ALERT!' Warns Contact Could Prove Fatal To One's Reputation.

Paul Steven Stone | July 26, 2016 | Comedy
DEBBIE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ, LATEST VICTIM, FORCED TO RESIGN FROM DNC! Following a string of highly visible career implosions centered around Washington, D.C., Little Rock Arkansas and New York City, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta issued a stern warning to anyone considering an alliance -- personal or professional...
Pam Ferderbar

Encourage the Princess in Your Child

Pam Ferderbar | July 25, 2016 | Comedy
When I was six years old I was crazy about the Beatles. So much so, that my grandpa gave me a diamond ring and told me it was from Paul McCartney. I'm sure the ring came from Murphy's Five and Dime (or a...
Robert Brustein

Trump's Vice President

Robert Brustein | July 25, 2016 | Politics
WOLF: Congratulations, Mr. Trump. I hear you've chosen your vice president. TRUMP: Yeah, great guy. What was his name again?
Bruce Fein

Donald Trump's Modest Proposals To Make America Great Again

Bruce Fein | July 25, 2016 | Comedy
As Donald Trump might say, if the following modest proposals are not true, they should be true, and that is all that matters.
Brian Rosenberg

Emperor Palpatine Is Running For President

Brian Rosenberg | July 27, 2016 | Politics
Pundits have struggled for months to come up with the right comparison for the presidential candidacy of Donald Trump. Some mention George Wallace or Pat Buchanan, neither of whom, of course, came nearly as close as Trump stands now to the presidency. Others have sought historical examples from...
Brian Caldirola

Trump Of The Will

Brian Caldirola | July 26, 2016 | Comedy
Francis Levy

Diasporic Dining: Letting People Know What They're Worth

Francis Levy | July 25, 2016 | Comedy
Have you ever felt unappreciated for the lengths you've gone to when it comes feting a friend or business associate? Instead of going to the Stop and Shop or the Food Emporium, you've spent the extra bucks at Citarella's to get those porterhouse...
All posts from 07.26.2016 < 07.25.2016