Black Friday Magic,
Best Black Friday,
When I was a kid, on the day after Thanksgiving my mom and dad would take me to Chicago to see the Christmas lights and decorations on Michigan Avenue. I felt like a grown up in the bustling big city, bumping into ladies in high-heeled boots and fur coats, and men carrying stacks of big department store boxes and fancy-looking shopping bags.
These ideas are my gift to Uber.com and the world, and I give them freely. But if Uber wants to give me free holiday rides in return, I will not object.
Turkey Day is upon us once again! Time for food, football and fun-but for many, Thanksgiving is that special time of year when we can all get together with our loved ones. Sometimes being with family can be a great thing and sometimes that can be a difficult thing.
After four long years, pop megastar Adele just dropped her newest album, 25. This means it's time to feel some feelings, so grab your headphones, a box of tissues and one (or all) of these bottles. You're going to need 'em.
The night before Thanksgiving is essentially a less awkward, boozier version of your high school reunion. Pretty much everyone who grew up in your hometown will be thronging the bar and they're gonna be SO glad to see you! Until the crying starts.
With the holidays approaching, it seems a perfect time for Supergirl to perform some task so spectacular that it meets my "thank God you're here," criteria. How about this?
In the wake of the terrorist attacks in Paris, Beirut, and Yola, conservative parties have made a strong push to keep refugees away from America's borders.
That's right, you heard me. Instead of Thanksgiving, I'm calling it Momsgiving because, well, I don't see anybody else in this damn kitchen. Anyway, think about it: Mom's giving you turkey. Mom's giving you stuffing. Mom's giving you yams, potatoes and pie.
It is, incredibly, exactly 10 years since the word 'truthiness' first appeared, courtesy of Stephen Colbert. I know this because I didn't just feel it to be true - I looked it up... And 10 years later, the ugly truthiness is back.
I guess you can't give people a feeling of superiority without giving them someone to feel superior to. And this time we were the inferiors. Or maybe that should be posteriors. It's a lousy job, but someone's got to do it.
In past years, Dave was able to simply ruin Thanksgiving by going into explicit detail about how Obama is a "GODDAMN MUSLIM!!!!" But the growing rate of stupid comments on Facebook and presidential debates have made that claim seem mild.
If you weighed less than 7 pounds when you were born then CONGRATULATIONS you're part of an elite supermodel race of biological leopard humans akin to the Thundercats.
I'm writing you with the intention of conveying my plaguing need for affection from you all. I've tried communicating these needs to your clowder, but you've all continually rejected my advances, wrongly classifying me as a threat.