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Shayna Ferm and Tracey Tee

BIO

17 Mom Confessions about F'ed Up Things Their Kids Have Done

Shayna Ferm and Tracey Tee | October 2, 2014 | Parents
Believe us when we tell you that there are many other parents out there with kids waaaay more f'ed up than yours. Want proof? Here are 17 anonymous submissions from parents who gladly wrote down "The Most F-Ed Up Thing My Kid Has Done."
Marcia Liss

BIO

Mama Said...

Marcia Liss | October 2, 2014 | Comedy
Ariane Sherine

BIO

Why God Loves Gays

Ariane Sherine | October 1, 2014 | UK Comedy
According to GOD: "It is not okay to use religion to justify personal bigotry. I am the LORD and I love LGBT people very much. Why else would so many LGBT people exist?"
John Willey

BIO

7 Signs That You Are Getting Old

John Willey | October 1, 2014 | Comedy
You eat things like brussel sprouts... AND ENJOY THEM. I love them roasted with a little bit of oil and salt. I never would have given them a second thought if I was younger.
Chris Peak

BIO

Showing Up at the White House Unannounced

Chris Peak | October 1, 2014 | Comedy
No, Channing Tatum has never broken into The White House. At least not to my knowledge. Well, okay, he may have, I really don't know. The investigation is still ongoing, so I'll say that he could have, but probably didn't.
Marta Ibarrondo

BIO

Why Are We So Afraid Of Gluten

Marta Ibarrondo | October 1, 2014 | Comedy
Jennifer McGaha

BIO

12 Sex Tips I've Learned From My Goats

Jennifer McGaha | October 2, 2014 | Comedy
If the object of sex is producing offspring, then it is perfectly fine for this activity to occur in a driveway. In this case, it is also fine to advertise the event as "driveway breeding."
Francis Levy

BIO

White House Counter Intelligence Coup

Francis Levy | October 2, 2014 | Comedy
It was reported that Omar Jose Gonzalez had actually made it all the way to the East Room with a knife in his pocket--something that would have been prevented if the Secret Service had put one of those accordion children's gates across the entranceway to that wing of the sacred redoubt.
Sarah Sweeney

BIO

Zip Code Anxiety

Sarah Sweeney | October 1, 2014 | Comedy
Is there anything worse than learning an ex has moved uncomfortably close to your neighborhood or office? Sure, cancer, starvation, paper cuts: all bad. But knowing the inopportunity to cross paths with someone from your past, especially when you're unprepared: the worst.
Jolie Jenkins

BIO

The Self-Administered Bikini Wax Is A Huge Rip-Off! (Don't Try This at Home)

Jolie Jenkins | October 1, 2014 | Comedy
I have a pair of strappy sandals that to put on requires a contortionist's skill. It involves sitting down, bending over, hinging a knee sideways and pulling an extreme foot-flex move, all the while straining my optic nerves to see beyond their peripheral...
GSElevator

BIO

The 30 Ultimate Rules of Air Travel

GSElevator | October 1, 2014 | Travel
Take advantage of the #1 rule of air travel: no matter what time it is, it's always acceptable to drink.
Chris Cate

BIO

10 Parenting Milestones You Should Laugh and Not Cry About

Chris Cate | October 1, 2014 | Parents
If any milestone is deserving of a page in a scrapbook, it's the first time a parent sleeps for more than seven consecutive hours, whether that happens at night in a bed or face down in an office.
Marcia Liss

BIO

Love in the 21st Century

Marcia Liss | October 1, 2014 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

BIO

"A Chore Thing"

Jerry Zezima | October 1, 2014 | Comedy
By Jerry Zezima The late, great humorist Erma Bombeck once said, "Housework, if you do it right, can kill you." Since I am still alive, thanks to my wife, Sue, who does most of the housework in our house, I guess I am not doing it right. This does not...
Greg Schwem

BIO

This Column Could (Possibly) Break Your Heart

Greg Schwem | October 1, 2014 | Comedy
I am tired of having my heart broken online. I'm referring to the never-ending barrage of videos, photos and blog posts that permeate my inbox or social media accounts daily, inviting me to click despite the generic warning: "What happens next is heartbreaking."
Troy Johnson

What It's Like to Be on a Bomb-Threatened Plane

Troy Johnson | October 1, 2014 | Travel
I'm stuck in a metal box 10,000 feet in the sky and there might be a bomb under my seat. I'm somewhat surprised I'm not freaking out. I'm not sweating. There's pride in that. I would've pegged myself for more of a pants-wetter in crisis situations.
Bitchin Sisters

The Dream of the First Month of School Vs. the Reality of the Second Month

Bitchin Sisters | October 1, 2014 | Parents
I'm going to make organic, non-GMO, fresh, wholesome lunches made of laughter and angel eyebrows every night. None of this buying school lunch bullshit. We'll leave that to the kids whose parents don't really love them.
Jordan Carlos

Do You Speak Gentrification?

Jordan Carlos | September 30, 2014 | Comedy
I've remarked at how many people I overhear at open houses doing linguistic backflips in order to gather the crucial demographic info they need from a real estate agent while trying not to sound like a total xenophobic monster. It's a pretty amusing thing to behold, especially when I'm also in the room -- presumably judging them.
Annelia Alex

BIO

Your Ex Is Engaged on Facebook

Annelia Alex | September 30, 2014 | Women
So you emailed him, but it was casual and pertinent: "Hey, I found your Frisbee in the back of my closet. If you need it I can mail it or something. Hope you're doing well." Yeah, that was pathetic. Now what are you doing? Refreshing your inbox? Waiting for his response?
Teri Biebel

Then I Got Stuck in a Dress at Goodwill...

Teri Biebel | September 30, 2014 | Comedy
I convinced myself that it would be better to die alone in the dressing room than to die of embarrassment by having to ask someone at Goodwill to come into my dressing room and help get me out of this dress-of-death. So I went to my happy place.
All posts from 10.02.2014 < 10.01.2014