After a sleepless night with U2 songs ringing in my ears, not knowing what to do, I contacted Apple customer service. But when I mentioned the phenomenon, they were not helpful, instead directing me to their website.
After dominating international headlines for more than a decade, al-Qaeda is struggling to remain relevant to a new generation of rosy-cheeked, fundamentalist jihadis smitten with ISIS.
Funny Company Slogans,
Honest Company Slogans,
It's that time of year once again, when women become obsessed with pumpkin spice lattes and men start downing amber ales in front of a campfire. Fall is fast approaching, and what better time than now to share a few more Honest Slogans?
LBL was reminded that the last time, she, herself, was in such a panting, sweaty state was in 1968 and she was backstage at the Newport Folk Festival, in a van with one of the members of the sound crew.
Does anybody in Alaska own a video camera? How about a video-equipped cell phone? Anyone? Anyone? I ask only because it's been almost two weeks and I have yet to see visual evidence of the alleged Palin family party brawl that occurred earlier this month.
Alright ladies! The secret to getting the fellas interested and then creeped out and then interested again in less than 24 hours is in. And I've got it down to a science.
" U.S. Constitution,
"Law & Order,
By Jerry Zezima In their chart-topping 1965 hit, "Turn! Turn! Turn!," the Byrds sang, "To everything, turn, turn, turn." To which they might have added: "Except if you make an illegal turn, turn, turn." In which case you'll end up in traffic court. That's where I found myself recently after...
I'm returning this text from my college buddy because he's such a loser that he'll just keep texting me until I do. He'll only pull my chain if I tell him I'm on a date. Gimme a minute. Here's a five. Get us a couple of drinks.
All it takes is a practiced routine, a few (dozen) simple steps, and the patience of a saint to guide your kids to a night of dreamy splendor.
2014 Midterm Elections,
The Empire Strikes Back,
The process of placing the President in suspended animation will involve a metal compound made of carbon and tibanna gas used to smuggle items or transport people across the galaxy.
Although it was a magical experience, there are a few things I would do differently on my next Facebook vacation. Here are some tips if you're about to embark on the journey.
After a 30-minute-car ride of listening to poop and butt jokes, you arrive at the laser tag arena. Dread begins to fill your heart, as the attendant has just informed you that there is NO ROOM for your party of 13. Your palms begin to sweat.
Queen Elizabeth II,
It is rumored that the British were forced to make this sudden decision when the Scots threatened to invade England wearing nothing but kilts -- and more disturbingly -- no underwear.
Comedy isn't like baseball: there are few empirical statistics from which to derive talent, performance, and yep, even pay scales. This all said, it's of my strong opinion that Toronto's Alex Nussbaum is Canada's funniest comedian.
Back To School,
After the Time of Potty, he washed his hands and his clothes and the floor and those around him. And then poopeth he did go. Not on the potty, but behind the potted plant. Because it was safe. And they sighed deeply and whispered the Prayer of the Pull-Up.
Now that you've deleted it let's stop focusing on trivial matters like what band bulldozes their way onto our playlists, and start focusing on the things that do matter -- like what could possibly be keeping Gwen Stefani from aging.
You'll wanna start with boy band pop because you're a happy bubbly person who's gonna have a clean desk, but you'll end up blasting "Welcome to the Black Parade" as you lie among the desolate piles old paper clips, driver's ed paperwork and illegible to-do lists from 2006.
This is no joke. The pancakes are damn good. Tom Daddario had wondered whether he should make them. As a stand-up comic, he's obsessed with getting the last laugh.