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04:48 AM on 11/08/2011
Our two boys only got out of hand in public one time each. After that they were perfect gentlemen in stores and restaurants. One is top secret military and young one is a chef and they are the two best kids in my life. They will each tell you that their butts hurt a bit but only their butt. No one wants to spank their child but look at what is happening to the kids that don't learn that it's a little painful to be a jerk. No child abuse but a little wake-up call can go a long way. Just speaking from experience....if you have a better story then share it.
wsdave
Abusive or Insulting? I won't be responding.
01:45 PM on 11/08/2011
The ONLY thing that gets my kid a spanking is lying. But I won't hesitate to lay that on her when she does. She's learned pretty quickly that it's better to admit to what you did and face the punishment then to be caught, STILL face the punishment, AND get a spanking.

Interesting how rarely she does things she shouldn't.
04:37 AM on 11/08/2011
One day I saw a woman yelling loudly & threatening to beat her child in a store. I wanted to say something but I didn't even though I was appalled. Then another day I saw a kid shouting & belittling her mom in a store over not getting something she wanted & the parent seemed oblivious to it. Both of these scanarios made me cringe.
08:35 AM on 11/08/2011
From a mom to you.. to everyone... I don't mind someone saying to my screaming kid with a smile on their face, "hey little guy, what's wrong?" almost always my kid will smile back and forget about that toy he was crying for. We all forget that we are in a world with children that are LEARNING how to behave, you want to be a part of the "village that raises a child" then be the positive. Do they need to learn that everyone is there to yell at them when they are misbehaving,
wsdave
Abusive or Insulting? I won't be responding.
11:22 AM on 11/09/2011
"Do they need to learn that everyone is there to yell at them when they are misbehavinĀ­g,"

They need to learn that misbehaving may well get people yelling at them. And later in life, it may well get them arrested or killed.
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dsws
No owning ideas. Limit only commercial use.
11:34 AM on 11/08/2011
When a kid wants something, but won't ask in a way acceptable to the parent (or whoever they want something from), ignoring it can be an effective response.
08:59 PM on 11/09/2011
I suppose you're right. Not much else one can do in this pedicament, is there?

I couldn't help cringing because of the angry words being exchanged.
I wish people would just stop being so hostile towards each other. It's painful to witness

You know how a simple smile from a stranger can make lighten one's mood?
I guess seeing people's frustration & anger rubbed off on me too in a not so pleasant way.
04:14 AM on 11/08/2011
Totally agree with JD.
If parents aren't going to dicipline their children around others they shouldn't be allowed to take
them out in public. This mentality that "it's my kid so you have no right to question regardless of what he/she has done" is just plain nonsense & teaches kids that the can get away with anything as long as they do it to someone weaker not affiliated with their "gang".
If this mother can't be there to teach her child manners then I don't see why she has a problem letting others do it in her absence.
08:41 AM on 11/08/2011
Oh the arrogance of strangers. I am better at disciplining your little one then you are. Talk about weaker one vs bigger one. You vs child. When did it become so hard to say, "excuse me miss, I hate to bother you but, is this your boy? He's throwing sand in my kids eyes." Maybe the mom thought the other person had under control til she saw him yelling at her kid. Ever thought of that?
wsdave
Abusive or Insulting? I won't be responding.
01:48 PM on 11/08/2011
How often is it obvious who the parent is, if they aren't the ones stopping their own child?
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Karla Pepmeyer
03:47 AM on 11/08/2011
Woot!! More parents need to be like this guy!!
02:36 AM on 11/08/2011
Quite right. I find as I get older, that I get a lot less tolerant of this sort of behaviour by parents. If your child is in my house and decides to pull all the books and CDs out of the bookshelf while you look lovingly on and comment "well, he's obviously going to be a writer or musician when he grows up!", I can damned well tell you he's not going to get much older. I will step in, and you won't be invited back again with said child. And when did it become acceptable to:
a) let your child stand on the seat on the bus/train
b) you stand up to let your child sit down, ever heard of them sitting on your lap?
c) not make your older children stand for an adult
09:02 AM on 11/08/2011
Some people get older and get sweeter, some get bitter...
08:22 PM on 11/08/2011
If you ever get a chance to see one a UK show called "Grumpy Old Women", "Grumpy Old Men, or various other versions of the name, have a watch. Pretty much all old people are grumpy! I don't think I've ever met a sweet little old lady, and I include my grandmother and mother in tha, and obviously now me....
wsdave
Abusive or Insulting? I won't be responding.
02:19 PM on 11/08/2011
I'm OK with kids not stand for an adult. As a gentleman, however, I teach any male (of any age) that will listen: A gentleman never sits if a lady is standing.
02:13 AM on 11/08/2011
We have seen this in retail outlets as well. One incident that comes to mind is an imigrant family that came into a store, stayed there for an hour, bought one item yet all the six kids had suckers and there were wrappers all over the floor. WTF. Or maybe it's the screeming child in the supermarket whose (dazed and confused) mom doesn't seem to notice or care that her child was a pain to all the other customers and for reasons unkown can't seem to be able to find her a _ _ with both hands.
09:09 AM on 11/08/2011
I let my child(that I know well because I am mother) scream in a store, rather than give him the toy that he saw. Maybe I should buy him every toy that he sees so he doesn't cry. Maybe us parents should keep our kids away from other people. Oh I know how about an island that are only for kids so that they aren't a pain for non kids.Then you don't have to deal with it. I think it's odd that the title is about how it takes a village but it seams the village is only interested in yelling at those kids.
wsdave
Abusive or Insulting? I won't be responding.
02:21 PM on 11/08/2011
How about an island just for you and your screaming kids?
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dsws
No owning ideas. Limit only commercial use.
11:43 AM on 11/08/2011
The worst parents are those who can't even teach their kids how to spell the word "screaming".
wsdave
Abusive or Insulting? I won't be responding.
02:21 PM on 11/08/2011
Did you actually just ignore someone's point and simply correct their spelling?

On the Internet?

Really?

LOL!!!

Fastest way to lose a debate I've ever seen.
02:05 AM on 11/08/2011
Well said JD
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Frank Lee Mydear
01:38 AM on 11/08/2011
Good for you to start on other's kids now. We're in Boy Scouts and we have several little spoiled terrors that we finally had the parents come to week-long summer camp to keep them under control. One kid has an uncanny ability to lead. Unfortunately it's leading others astray.
Iplayeasy
Micro-bio...that's yogurt right?
01:25 AM on 11/08/2011
Well JD, you are walking a thin line by your behavior and the outcome can be either good or bad. In this instance, you and your little one came out a little sandier, but mostly unscathed. In other neighborhoods you could have been confronted by someone with tattoos on their face, bulging biceps, and a really bad attitude (thus the reason for the bad attitude little kid throwing the sand). You're actions may have caused you to lose face in front of your own child, unless you are able to teach the other parent a lesson in being a bully. I have been in your very shoes and have always tried to handle it diplomatically by attempting to talk with the other parent first, and then if their child continues, I would have simply taken the shovel away from the little kid and told him he was hurting others. My being a Blackbelt solved the bully problem.
wsdave
Abusive or Insulting? I won't be responding.
02:23 PM on 11/08/2011
Even having to back down from a bully would be a wonderful lesson for your child: That might doesn't make right.
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yintwin
01:20 AM on 11/08/2011
Great article! Its quite eye opening to delve into how we act as role models to our kids, as well as how we discipline them. How often are we hypocrites, or only model the behavior we want them to see while they are actually watching?
We have a great task ahead of us in rearing our kids into a very uncertain reality. One of the best skills we can endeavor to equip them with is the art of learning how to get along, even if they don't like each other. Learning how to respect each other's opinions and consider the welbeing of all members of the group they are in, be it classroom or friendship group. We have to start equipping them early with skills most of us ourselves need to relearn or discover, because our kids will be the decision makes of the world one day, and lets face it, the ones we've had in the past have really mucked things up. So the deeper question begs: what do we need to start teaching our kids to prepare them for their important roles in society?
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davidprosser
05:13 AM on 11/08/2011
I've broken this into a few segments:

I completely agree with you. But I would take it a step further. We can all see how in religions the idea of "loving others as yourself" is presented but, I think we can all agree, there is little follow through. And perhaps it is because we walk around thinking, "Well look how this person acts!" and this effectively makes "love others as yourself" not feasible.

So, I think it is time that we do not simply teach children, or ourselves for that matter, to just get along. And what does it mean to get along? After all each person has their own view and opinion on this matter. I think that in the world we live in today, with it being completely interconnected, that the only feasible way to educate our children, and each of us, is by learning to view others, both individually and as a whole, as above our own self motivation.

Now this should be treaded wisely. Obviously we don't want to see our children or ourselves being manipulated by others who do not hold this viewpoint. And that must also be included in this new education. And the fact that this viewpoint can cause others to manipulate those seeking to practice this should not deter this educational shift.
09:24 AM on 11/08/2011
Maybe you should give this speech to the two year old throwing sand... I wonder if he will understand you? The key is TEACHING. It takes time for kids to learn. Some longer then others. I teach my kids to treat others the way they want to be treated. The thing is there are subtleties that takes decades, if not longer, to learn. Things like there are certain things some kids like to play and others find it annoying. example: throwing snow balls at each other vs throwing sand vs water vs not at all. It can go on. The thing is to remember that sand isn't going to kill them, neither is a plastic shovel. It's a teaching moment, not a "oh my, what a horrible kid/ parent that doesn't know how to teach them" moment.
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davidprosser
05:13 AM on 11/08/2011
And that is because only a world where each puts the other before themselves will the egoistic mindset finally be overcome - because even those seeking to "love others as themselves" (without this shift of puting the other actually before themself) - will be prey to their ego which will constantly look for self benefit in such behavior.

But placing the needs of others before the need of the self effectively cancels this motivation and makes it irrelitive. Again, this new behavior should not make our children or us "punching bags," and in fact, strange as it may seem, it will actually make us more cunning then anyone else, since it will broaden our perspective to include not just our own self motivation but the needs of society/the world as well.

And that is why the argument of, "But I will be a punching bag!" is irrelative. Because a person seeking to puts the needs of society before himself is not blinded by the self motivations of pleasure. And thus he is able to see situations where he/she will be taken advantage of much more clearly then those who seek to manipulate him or her (because they operate purely out of their own limited self benefit).

In a completely interconnected world this is a necessity. And, looking around at the global communal crises we face today, it is up now apparant that this new education is needed in order for us to come to grips with these problems.
yappnmutt
humping legs for liberty
01:16 AM on 11/08/2011
in defense of all parents, the great majority of kids are good. however, when your kid decides to disrupt the peace of everyone around you and you don't do anything to regain the peace everyone is entitled to then i will let you and your kid know that you are being selfish and i expect you to do something about it. sometimes it just takes a look. sometimes it takes kind, firm words that everyone nearby can hear. sometimes the kid needs to be addressed directly. the interesting thing is the kid responds better than the parent. public embarrassment has that effect upon adults.
09:26 AM on 11/08/2011
what kid doesn't disturb the peace and is an embarrassment to parent? Maybe us parents should stay home until the kid is a teen so that he isn't disturbing the adults peace.
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catmagnet
Independent thinker
02:03 PM on 11/08/2011
Aren't you throwing the baby out with the bathwater here? Teach the kid how to behave in public when you're at home, and there won't be problems. If you don't, there will be others that may not be as nice about making sure that your kid behaves. That's all yappin is saying.
yappnmutt
humping legs for liberty
02:22 PM on 11/08/2011
mine never have and most of the kids i know never have. the kids that i have seen cause disruption have obviously poor parents mainly because they let their kids control them instead of the other way around.
12:46 AM on 11/08/2011
Seriously, JD? I mean, do you really have kids named Z and Pebbles? You're kidding, right? Once upon a time I would have assumed you were kidding, but in this time of Apple and Moxie Crimefighter and the like, I feel very uncertain.
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Frank Lee Mydear
01:31 AM on 11/08/2011
Uh, he's only using the first letter for privacy and universality. Duh!
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Charles Mills
09:36 AM on 11/08/2011
Hey screw you both my kids really ARE named Z and Pebbles!!! What's wrong with that?
wsdave
Abusive or Insulting? I won't be responding.
02:25 PM on 11/08/2011
And this comment from someone named "whatfreshhellisthis"?

LOL!!
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Caryn Banker
WYHKTai-Tai
06:47 PM on 11/08/2011
Haha! Love the Dorothy Parker reference!
bipolarbears60
common sense isn't so common
12:43 AM on 11/08/2011
Excellent!
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Catalina hime
Humor and Pocky is how I get by.
12:29 AM on 11/08/2011
Dear Mr JD,
How dare you do something that would protect the other children. Parents should be allowed to ignore their own children's bad behavior and update their facebook statuses. You can't expect people to actually watch their children nowadays when there are so many other things to do (twitter, youtube, sms, facebook, etc). Be realistic, just because sand hurt doesn't mean her child should stop throwing it. Life is pain and kids have to learn to suck it up and take her child's abuse. Stop with your actual common-sensical parenting that keeps children safe and well behaved.

Sincerely,

On Facebook
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bonnieb333
Proper grammar & spelling may make you credible
12:29 AM on 11/08/2011
JD -- the article you've written is superb! Unfortunately, whats-his-name's mother will never read it. I suggest you have a copy of it when you go to the park again and when you see her, just hand it to her! Perhaps it's a good idea for every parent to have a copy handy. You'll never know when you will need it.
01:57 AM on 11/08/2011
Maybe he could text it to her, so she might actually read it.
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TNTtnt
Spend Your Days As You Want To Spend Your Life
07:45 AM on 11/13/2011
hee, hee, hee..... : D