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03:17 PM on 07/30/2012
You're lucky. When my grandfather died, an aunt who mainly kept to herself suddenly appeare in the form of a revanous vulture, demanding she get everything of any value, regardless of what other family member may have had an emotional attachment to it. Three years and several litigations later it all got worked out to everyone's satisfaction, but deaths usually bring out the worst in people, not the best.
04:39 PM on 07/30/2012
Have you ever heard of daughters-in-law ripping their mother-in-law's will apart? And her sons said not a word? It happened. The woman was not long for the heavens and two rooms away when it was decided Roni was getting this and Robin was getting that and Jo was taking that and Al would get this because ....... I sat there in awe ........ listening and speechless. Truth IS stranger than fiction.
03:16 PM on 07/30/2012
I'm one of the unlucky ones. I loved my parents dearly but my Mom did not do things equally. My sister and my brother were very selfish. My Dad was a very generous man but my Mom on the other hand did not provide for us equally. It was always my son, my son with her. I, the youngest was especially left out in the cold. It's hard to see, as you feel like you were less of a person because she didn't think as well for me. Yes I was always the stronger, smarter one and maybe that was her feeling. I'm not a selfish person, I wanted it to be equal, but it wasn't. What I take away from this is the knowledge to treat my children equally and fairly when my time comes. I love them and I know I don't want them to feel the way I did.
04:44 PM on 07/30/2012
And when my Dad died ... there was a family meeting ... and I being the eldest ... was excluded. I know who made that decision and I also know why. Do I resent this although if happened 22 years ago - you betcha I resent it. But then I think to myself ... it was their greed and the five of them deserve whatever they get.
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anne1456
05:07 PM on 07/30/2012
What they didn't get was the love and honor of their oldest sibling, and also the one who knew their parents the best and just about everything about them, now they don't have you to learn about them , what kind of people they were before they were born and after they had you. God Bless you and your children
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almasearch
my micro-bio is none of anyone's macro business
02:53 PM on 07/30/2012
Condolences to Dr. Schall and his family. When my Dad passed away a bit over 5 years ago, some surreal and amazing things happened also that certainly reinforced my belief that there IS "something" after life in this plane of existence. And fortunately, one event is actually caught on video. I DO miss him terribly though...
03:43 PM on 07/30/2012
Alma I believe you are so right. I'm a funeral director and there are things that happen after passing that reinforce my beliefs as well. I've had so many families share their stories of beautiful things that happened when their loved one passed. I would be interested to know what you have on video. After my own mom passed, I took care of her and dressed and casketed her. When people ask me how I could do that, I say how could I NOT? Hers were the first hands to care for me and I wanted to be the last hands that cared for her. I could definately feel her presence with me.
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almasearch
my micro-bio is none of anyone's macro business
01:34 AM on 07/31/2012
@ icdedadams: There were several things that happened when (and over the course of several months after) my Dad passed. But what was caught on video was what happened at a "Celebration of Life" event we had in honor of my Dad about two months after his death. We had this because my Dad had requested that we NOT have a funeral, but only to be cremated and his ashes scattered in the ocean. However, so many of his friends (many from other states/countries) and family wished to pay him "last respects". So we planned/had this event, starting with an Honor Guard ceremony on the beach, a luncheon where we all able to share our memories, and ending with taking a chartered boat out on the Bay to scatter his ashes. It had threatened rain all day, but held off just long enough for the Honor Guard ceremony (complete with gun salute). By the time we got on the charter later that afternoon though, a chilly and steady rain had started. The Captain of the charter was kind enough to offer and take us very near his home in Bluewater Bay. We offered friends/family members that came on the charter the choice in participating in scattering his ashes and/or throwing a rose in the water, which despite the steady and dismal rain that was falling, most friends/family members did. My brother approached me and asked if he could scatter the remaining ashes (which was what
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almasearch
my micro-bio is none of anyone's macro business
01:35 AM on 07/31/2012
I originally intended to do by myself), so I suggested that all three siblings do so together. The whole thing is on video - at the moment we three poured the last of the ashes in the ocean, the rain literally just stopped, the sun came out, and a gorgeous rainbow appeared across the sky. It remained there the whole time the Captain circled the area we had scattered the ashes, while the dolphins came round and circled the boat. It felt like it was my Dad's way of saying thanks, good job, now keep living your lives until we meet again. Only minutes after the Captain started to head the charter back to port, the clouds and rain moved back in. Interestingly enough, my aunt has told me that rainbows also appeared during the burial ceremony of some of my other relatives. Coincidence? Perhaps. But then there was the vivid dream my sister had involving my Dad, which when she told me, literally made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up (but in a good way! LOL). My Dad's companion also had a dream. No dreams for me, but I felt he's let me know he's still somehow around by another event months later. I've since read some great books (written by a hospice nurse), and I know our experience is not uncommon. I'd be happy to share title and author if anyone is interested. P.S. I am glad you took care of your Mom...
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Dr. Lawrence M. Schall
04:04 PM on 07/30/2012
I am pretty sure there is something too, but I have no idea what (yet).
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gin11153
02:52 PM on 07/30/2012
So sorry for your loss. Sending big hugs to you and your family. I can totally relate as I lost my dad also, 2 years ago this month. He took my heart when he left this earth-just a shell of me is left now. For about 18 months, I was suicidal and depressed, feeling that I couldn't live without him. My husband, kids, family and friends said my sad wouldn't want me to be suffering like that. I still cry almost daily. I no longer talk to my 2 siblings, so that compounds my sadness. I had to bury my dad without any family help or attendance. Thank goodness you and your siblings banded together.
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Dr. Lawrence M. Schall
04:04 PM on 07/30/2012
I hope you and your family reconnect. You must.
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gin11153
08:21 PM on 07/30/2012
Thank you Dr. Schall but it's not me-it's my bipolar siblings. Sister gave me up for dead in 2001 because I moved my parents from NY to Calif. so I could care for them because she wasn't (she was 40 min. away from them and I was 3,000 miles away).
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02:39 PM on 07/30/2012
How lucky you are. My husbands mother died over a year ago, she wanted my husband the executor. Its over a year and we are still being dragged through the court system. The estate was only 140 K.
They are still fitting over a tool box and a sewing machine. You always think this couldn't happen to "our family". When my mom died she already told the three of us to take what we wanted (which wasn't much) and since my sister took care of her the last 5 years in my mom's house she took the house. My mom would be happy but my mother in law if she is looking down would be so sad..
Odyssey51
acta non verba
02:18 PM on 07/30/2012
I found my mother in the bathroom in 2011 right as she was collapsing for the last time at 90 from emphysema. The shock is unimaginable, I thought she had just fallen asleep and held her until the ambulance arrived calling to her, holding her head up, willing her to open her eyes again. They laid her down on the floor and began CPR but she never regained consciousness even though they started her heart again 3 times. It is beyond crushing, crushing is nothing compared to seeing your mother die while you're waiting for an ambulance and their best efforts are unable to arouse her. One year ago this month. I will never lose the pain, it's the same as a year ago. You never forget those last couple weeks. Clear as glass in your mind forever.
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OhioSpeaks
Not here to make fans/faves but voice my opinions.
02:17 PM on 07/30/2012
I think what a comfort that would be: to be surrounded by all of ones children in our final minutes in this life. Parents and children- we are all connected thru the thread of life, the blood , the breath, and our time spent together.

I came from a big family: 10 kids. There was no fighting over who got what in the end. For the most part, everyone took something they had given or something that had significance to them and the parent alone. Things aren't really important anyway. It is the time spent with each other.
02:12 PM on 07/30/2012
I guess I am one of the lucky ones. My mother passed twenty years ago; my father just three years ago. Wisely, my father's will divided largely everything equally among his seven children. Distribution of the smaller possessions like household items was not without some strife, but no one bears a grudge. I took what I could to save it from the dumpster when we cleared his house, and think of it as just "passing through" until someone else in the family has need of it.
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gin11153
02:56 PM on 07/30/2012
You're so lucky that you and your siblings didn't argue. Neither of my siblings talk to me although this was from before Dad's death.
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Dr. Lawrence M. Schall
04:05 PM on 07/30/2012
Absolutely.
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CalSailor
Christian, therefore liberal
02:11 PM on 07/30/2012
My dad came home from the nursing home he'd been sent to after he no longer needed to be in the hospital. From 21 January 2011, until his death on the 5th of March, I was privileged to be the primary care giver. He was an easy patient...he was 89, and he was ready. In those weeks between when he came home, and his death, I learned a lot about my dad I hadn't known. About how his dad got his nickname: From Reinhart to "Mike"...I thought it was just as a rhyme with Miller. I knew dad had been "little Mike" and his dad "big Mike". But ...I never knew why--it was on the troop ship on the way to France in WW I...his mates gave it to him: "Reinny", they said "if the French know that you're German, they'll shoot you," so they renamed him Mike. I didn't know that dad's dad had told him to climb the Eiffel Tower, and I found him one night, perched on top of it. Getting back down together is a precious memory.

But the best gift of all? I am a Lutheran Pastor. I got to preach the homily at the funeral service for him. To tell those in attendance what his faith, and his family meant to him--and us. THAT's my most precious gift. It was written with many tears, but for me, a final gift back to dad.

Pr Chris
02:11 PM on 07/30/2012
I am new to this. Can I read the entire story or is it in pieces? Any help would be appreciated
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seanymph007
"As A Man Thinketh" tiny book; read & share it!
02:31 PM on 07/30/2012
Its only 3 paragraphs long; (if you aren't getting that, maybe you need to clean your brower cookies and/or cache)?
04:01 PM on 07/30/2012
Thanks- I see the 3 paragraphs, is there more to follow on a daily basis?
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03:23 PM on 07/30/2012
do not read on your cell if you want full page
02:11 PM on 07/30/2012
It's amazing...I have the same picture of my dad's hand on his last hours.... I just want to say to all of you...the best gift to your Dad is to be with him on his last days...literally...get his last rites based on his religion and pray with him, while holding his hands...in a circle with your family. The best thing for a Dad to hear is your thanks to him for everything he did for you and that he was a total success in life...examples of why...Dad's need that in their last hours...God Bless you and your family...my Dad passed just 6 mos ago...but with his loved ones right next to him...
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gin11153
02:59 PM on 07/30/2012
So sorry for your loss. I hope you're doing a little better now-I was almost bedridden for 18 months after my dad died 7/7/10
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Dr. Lawrence M. Schall
04:06 PM on 07/30/2012
I hope you he could hear or feel us. I think he could up to some point.
02:10 PM on 07/30/2012
I am sorry for your loss but I feel you did a wonderful thing by explaining how your father passed and the way your family has handled this loss.
My father passed away almost three years ago on 8/25/09 and I still miss him more than I ever would have imagined. There were no issues as well with the estate between myself and my two siblings. I learned that even though I might think I am a big tough guy I am actually a cream puff when it comes to my family.
Thanks for sharing.
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OhioSpeaks
Not here to make fans/faves but voice my opinions.
02:18 PM on 07/30/2012
ty for sharing too : )
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Dr. Lawrence M. Schall
04:07 PM on 07/30/2012
My mom passed right around that same time. That still hurts.
05:44 PM on 07/30/2012
Yes. I understand. It has been almost three years and there is still not a day that goes by that I do not think of my Father.
02:07 PM on 07/30/2012
Our family consisted of three daughters. Dad had died years earlier, so Mom learned the legal in's and out's. She was well prepared when she died in a Long Term Care Facility. To be honest, it was a blessing for her since she was showing signs and symptoms of Dementia and had difficulty swallowing. She was vague when one of us visited her, which made us go away sad. Unfortunately she died alone in the middle of the night when no one would answer her call light for help. In retrospect, she is in Heaven looking down on us and still trying to guide us.
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Lazerusman
its not what you are called.Its what you answer to
02:07 PM on 07/30/2012
If you all want the stuff...you're welcome to it... just give me his pocket knife and lighter...and Mom's Spaghetti pot...and "spaghetti strainer"... I'm good : )