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UnaBohemia
Ask a Latina
05:56 PM on 08/01/2012
I developed type II diabetes when I gave birth to my daughter while I had a demanding job and a demanding husband.
-Kept the demanding job.

Women need supportive partners to make it work for us as well.
Historically, men succeeded because they could expect and often marry supportive wives.
Behind every successful woman, there HAS TO BE a supportive man/ partner.
End of this story.
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Barry Bunes
05:22 PM on 08/01/2012
Especially if that family has a seven figure income
03:52 PM on 08/01/2012
If it's a "macho" work culture, then how are the majority of the people in it women?
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bvbklyn
03:49 PM on 08/01/2012
it may be that not having children is a choice...not marrying so as not to take on the role of wife/home responsible person. I prefer control of my choices and that is difficult w/o $.
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Bryant S
Slanted writing here.
03:46 PM on 08/01/2012
I do like this article, but many of these problems seem to be correlated with the problems males get when they are overworked/ overstressed.

I don't think most of the problems are "problems", because most can be prevented by educating the workforce in correct practices.

Heart disease, heart attack, overweight, diabetes, eating disorders and alcoholism are all preventable. They're chronic diseases that can be countered if people are educated and knowledgeable in living healthy lives.
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eleni aus
06:38 PM on 08/01/2012
It's not so much the workforce - it's the workplace employment practices and expectations, and legally permitted practices .

Unpaid overtime is a killer - literally (as must be 12 hour shifts where workers live a distance from their employment) - not just from extended hours and 'always on' stress of mobile phones access / laptops (associated unrealistic turnaround times for correspondence which means you MUST be on your computer every day to keep 'on top') - but also from driving deaths as tired employees commute.

If you are a shift working nurse or miner - you WILL run a higher risk of heart disease, heart attack and premature death - but such largely work related events are not recognised as such ... miners will earn more danger money ... but, while not casting aside the real death risks to miners (lived for many years in a mining area) I would make a bet that more nurses are assaulted in the course of their work than miners ... and sustain physical and mental injury in the course of their work ... workers compensation provisions apply but you may suffer lasting personal loss ...

If you refuse to do the unpaid overtime .. you risk being 'let go' (or your position may be eliminated) or denied advancement: and in today's economic enviornment resigning is not often an option.

ONLY legal workplace requirements that humanise the workplace are sufficient for most employers to change work practices...
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eleni aus
06:43 PM on 08/01/2012
The 'cost' of being dedicated to your job is largely borne in private by the women and their families or lack thereof ... disability, early death while working may lead to a loss of human capital at work

but as any workplace will tell you, if you ask for fewer hours: 'it's not possible in your area' (as my daughter was told in a reputedly 'family friendly' workplace when asking for a 4 day working week to manage family comprising husband and three children baby to 18 that were experiencing a number of issues) -

For her as for others the alternative is 'being let go': 'you can be replaced you know' ...

With a partner whose factory position is likely to shortly disappaer (the new factory has been bult in China), this is not an option.

Few are in a position to 'call the shots' in regard to their employment.

Living healthy lives requires fewer working hours, less stress 24/7 - most employees dont control that.

Stress hormones raise heart disease / diabetes risk (and it appaers more so in women) - a quick yoga course / friends you have no time to cultivate wont fully compensate.
03:45 PM on 08/01/2012
I'm quite sure if I were married with a kid, I would have been promoted by now...
03:35 PM on 08/01/2012
I am satisfied with your works on the family i think there should be a second write up on the same topic.Sacrificing our families goes way back and it will never stop until the people who are incharge of the way the world is going,now men have to stay home to watch the kids .While we away stress of flying,hotel bookings,restaurant foods,strangers who put up nice faces to smile for us,we think of our kids at home. did they do some work around the house ,did someone cut the lawn,did someone learn to cook,are they missing their parents to do everything?.This is love and emptiness,is stress not happiness,the system should take 6 months holiday with family stop evey machine every train every plane and rest then start again,thanks for your good works.
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D. A. Wolf
Founder, Daily Plate of Crazy
11:04 PM on 08/01/2012
@freeijoe, I doubt the men will ever stay home with the kids in large numbers. (An opinion.)

Personally, I believe we need our best minds - and most "open" minds - to look to other countries where productivity is higher, quality of life measures are superior, health care is superior (at lower cost), education is superior - Scandinavian countries come to mind. OECD data can be helpful in this regard.

I am not saying that we can or should adopt these programs as is, but how is it possible that we aren't seriously looking at them as examples we could at least learn from - taking what might work for us and trying it in a bi-partisan way? Why aren't we (our government representatives) making the case in dollars and cents, for the long-term overall "health" of this nation - economic, social, political, etc.?

These are not simple issues and there are no quick fix solutions. I wish it were as easy as magically switching roles for a year or two! Of course, we're talking about a cultural shift (and a necessary shift in the language we use); naturally Big Business has other ideas. But who will Big Business serve (or employ) if we all self-destruct?
09:48 AM on 08/02/2012
I do agree with your comment, it makes a lot of sense,as you may observe common sense becomes very uncommon those days,the cultural shift ,the lack of caring,with less feelings for peolpe,and the love of money makes other people think they are so different from the rest of us. keep the good work going you are a gifted writer,all the best.
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03:26 PM on 08/01/2012
I forgot to mention earlier that most husbands are not willing to share the housework with a working wife -- there are exceptions -- but most do not offer to alternate fixing dinner, doing the laundry, dusting, scrubbing, running errands etc. etc. The "stay at home Moms" as another blogger disparagingly called them, are not all bored and frustrated. And the ones that are, always have the option to go to work outside the home.
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TraceyES
03:25 PM on 08/01/2012
When my daughter was born five years ago, I continued to work full time for about a year. My husband and I worked full-time, but I was the higher earner. Long story short: I got laid off from a company that was imploding, found freelance work (I am a business writer and editor) through my colleagues and business acquaintances and today make more money than I ever did full-time, working only about 15 hours a week. It's awesome. To young women who want children, I say...go to college and choose a profession that will allow you to work freelance from home.
01:35 PM on 08/02/2012
I think that this is the best suggestion on here. I'm on a similar path. It was an amazing day when I discovered that my experience in the workforce would allow me to make so much from home. Currently, we're using the extra income to pay down student loans. Our kids can have great childcare because of the extra financial contribution. Once we're no longer debt slaves and I have my masters, I fully intend to quit my salaried position and go completely freelance. I anticipate that we'll actually be better off when I make the switch.
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03:02 PM on 08/01/2012
The key, especially while the children are young, is to be able to work shorter days or at least a 4-day work week so there is time to take the children to Drs appts. etc. The woman should not have to work all week and then do housework all weekend. Not all women have jobs that pay enough or have income enough that they can hire "help" to do the cleaning, etc. If prices for everything weren't raised sky-high every year so companies could have higher and higher profits, employers could offer 4-day work weeks and pay 5- day work week wages.
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03:00 PM on 08/01/2012
And if you're on welfare, the more family you have the more money you get! Thanks to "Big Daddy" (formerly known as Uncle Sam), you're checks will just get bigger and bigger the more babies you spit out. Love those entitlements...
06:15 AM on 08/02/2012
Yeah - and it makes great tv to watch mall nutritioned children in one of the richest countries on Earth. Really.
No matter how much you blame the parrents it's still the children who pay the heaviest price - and in the long run the tab goes to... your own society.
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dpkjj
Peace on Earth
02:39 PM on 08/01/2012
"...by sacrificing our families -- and by extension, ourselves -- on the altar of our careers, we are in danger of cutting ourselves off from our own wisdom and perspective..."

By sacrificing our careers -- and by extension, ourselves -- on the altar of our families, we are in danger of cutting ourselves off from who we are. I see it all around me - women who are "stay-at-home" moms (the cutesy term makes me barf) who are angry, unfulfilled, and bored out of their skulls. My mother, a very bright and energetic woman, sacrificed herself on the altar of the family and turned to drink out of frustration. What good did that do anybody?
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TraceyES
03:27 PM on 08/01/2012
When I got laid off four years ago and was home with my year-old daughter all day, every day, with no work outlet, I had constant dreams that I was locked in a house that I knew had whole rooms and wings I just couldn't get to or had forgotten about. As much as I love my daughter, I knew it was my brain demanding to be put to use.
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robadeau
Your labels have expired
03:36 PM on 08/01/2012
Hate to break it to you but your mother did not have to turn to drink. That was the way she chose to punish those she blamed for her own lack of initiative. I know that is harsh, but it was her choice.
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dpkjj
Peace on Earth
08:30 PM on 08/01/2012
"Lack of initiative" was not the issue.  As I said in my above comment, she was forbidden to work by my father.  There weren't a lot of options in those days.
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AKoslik
02:31 PM on 08/01/2012
Only we Americans have the hubris to actually believe that we can 'have it all' while so many others have nothing...
02:17 PM on 08/01/2012
Agree 100%. I love my job, but my family is what makes me happy, and my daughter's little face can make any work issue surmountable. The flip side, as you laid out, is the personal cost of balancing a young family and a career - they are both prioritized over my personal needs and health: sleep, exercise and home-cooking (what's that?).
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Robert J. Feldman
Lawyer www.newyork-criminal-defense.com
02:16 PM on 08/01/2012
By the time I was well into my fifties, I had never been married mostly because it was not legally possible.

Three and a half years ago we were wed in Connecticut. That Government imprimatur somehow acts to cement us when inevitable disappointments rear their head.

Frequent phone calls with my husband during a business setback somehow makes all the difficulties at work bearable because I know I have a stable home life to return to at the end of the day.

Thank you Arianna for another great post and another reason to support marriage equality!
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mass maritimer
both parties are using you
11:33 PM on 08/02/2012
Thanks for sharing.

One day..... One day all will be better