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10:54 AM on 09/07/2012
Your ex-husband will never be happy with any woman. Any woman he finds will get old and wrinkly, or, gasp, fat! I hope you find an easier, gentler, more loving man to keep you company if that is what you truly want.
10:28 AM on 09/07/2012
My jaw dropped when I read what your husband would do and say to you. I'm always impressed when a woman can be truly comfortable with herself and her body; I'm even more impressed that you were able to do so despite having such incredibly negative reinforcement from an important person in your life. You are an inspiring lady! :)
Son of Sensi
To be or not to be, is that seriously a question?
03:59 PM on 09/07/2012
I agree with what you said. I do have a question though, should a woman (or man for that matter), be "truly comfortable" with her (or his) body, if that person is obese? should a person be comfortable with a life-style/body-image that is detrimental to their health?

For the record, making your wife feel like s**t about herself is not the way to fix the problem, but neither is pretending there is no problem.

Thoughts. Thanks.
Vicki Larson
Journalist, mom, always questioning
10:22 AM on 09/07/2012
Both men and women gain weight in a marriage — about 24 pounds. But, did you have body-image issues before you married? Many women do, even thin women, and then as you discovered in your marriage, you keep buying into it.

Not to say that your former husband wasn't being insensitive, but an extra 30 pounds is a lot. It's rarely attractive and it's rarely healthy, and people who are overweight who perceive their partners as being unhappy with their weight have unsatisfying sexual experiences; one feeds the other. And, yes, the happiest marriages (according to studies) are the ones in which the woman is more attractive than the man.

If you felt then as you do now, you'd tell him — this is who I am, accept it or shut up. Although I believe all couples should try to be the best they can be in a relationship, and that includes weight and health.

You did lose the weight after divorcing, so it wasn't as if you couldn't. Would losing the weight while still being married have helped? Perhaps, as long as you also had the same attitude. That doesn't mena you'd still want to be married to him.
It's a great life if you don't weaken!
10:41 AM on 09/07/2012
Yeah, I think she's better off without him.
11:43 AM on 09/07/2012
Self acceptance is very important of course and people do need to accept you for who you are. That said, it is not enevitable that you will gain weight in marriage, it doesn't have to happen just because statistically men and women gain about 24 pounds or whatever. it would be like saying everyone becomes a bit more of a jerk onche they get married. That would never fly, we're responsible for our behaviour. Well, we're also responsible for what we eat and our activities as well.

One of the most powerful things you can do in life is accept responsibility for who you are, and if you choose to, make changes. That includes physique but of course is not limited to that.
10:15 AM on 09/07/2012
Seeing the beauty in ourselves is the magic. Thanks for the reminder.

Great post!
09:24 AM on 09/07/2012
August Job's Report ?
1st 505thParachute Infantry Regiment 82nd Airborne
10:15 AM on 09/07/2012
August- report- was positive 96,000 new jobs...
thats 30(thirty) consecutive months of positive job growth...
we are going in the right direction.

God help us if America screws this up and we get stuck with that ripoff artist Romney.
Guess who is going to get ripped off if Romney gets in?
The poor dont have any money- the rich is his team- he looks after them and himself...guess who'd 401k gets raided again- Paul Ryan talks about voucher for medicare! Privatizing Social Security.....
10:46 AM on 09/07/2012
We're not even covering the number of new college grads entering the work force. The ship is sinking, only a bit slower .......... after 4 years, 800+ Billion on stimulus and also adding almost 5 Trillion to the national debt.

Government has screwed up SS to the point it's in trouble and 716 Billion has been diverted from Medicare.
large employer per obamacare
03:58 PM on 09/07/2012
we almost have enough to stay even.
10:38 PM on 09/07/2012
You are aware that news outlets have many different topics they cover right? If you are looking for information on the August jobs report, you might try the business section not the section that covers divorce issues.
09:19 AM on 09/07/2012
Shake it, Darling ........ and they will come.
11:46 AM on 09/07/2012
"Why do I sometimes have to do anything?"
09:03 AM on 09/07/2012
"When I walk into a room I want everyone to think I'm with a beautiful woman".

I am afraid when you walked in to a room, every one thought "Oh! There is that real beauty with the husband who is an A##". If a man does not consider you for the rest of your life, with all of the changes that brings when he is "courting you", he is not a keeper and you should move on. If he has problems with your body, you should move on, but at a much faster pace. If he is demonstrative of his disdain, as your husband was, you should sprint.

Bottom line: The art of good husbandry begins with a simple statement. "I stand with you in all things, rain or shine". And that should be besides you, not behind you in a mocking fashion. Your hips are you and he should kiss them lovingly and thank every day they are there with you, else go buy a barbie doll. Only she matches the type of woman he is looking for (unchanging, on display and plastic).
Exposing Neocon and Neolib lies daily
01:01 AM on 09/08/2012
"I stand with you in all things, rain or shine"

Is that why one of the top reasons given by women who cheat is their husbands unemployment?
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10:34 AM on 09/09/2012
Sounds like a personal problem, DannyRose.
Two 'alves of coconut!
08:57 AM on 09/07/2012
We can't all be rail-thin fashion models, and as we age, well, we get old, fat, and ugly. People try to cover it up, with makeup, and they go and get liposuction and join fitness clubs and so forth and so on, but it's kind of a fact of life that after you stop being a young person, you're going to stop looking like one, too. I think the main focus here is fitness. What is fitness, how do you achieve it, how do you recognize when you are fit vs. overweight, obese, and unfit? This is where the trip to the doctor comes in, and you get the consultation on diet and exercise and metabolism etc. As we age, our metabolisms slow down, so if we eat like starving teenagers when we're 40, we'll look like we're 60, and might not make 50. Nevermind your appearance, go for the substance, what's going on INside the body, because if that fails, the rest won't matter to anyone but the mortician, and they probably honestly don't care.
11:48 AM on 09/07/2012
Why during a discussion of body weight does someone always have to argue that the only other option to being fat is to be a rail-thin fashion model. Guess what, there are other options too, like being healthy and height/weight proportional. And you don't have to get fat as you get older. yes, you will age but becomming fat does not have to happen.

I'm mid 40's, not fat, and that doesn't make me look 60, nor is it killing me. it's called being healthy. i exercise and eat proportionally to my activity levels. i do not starve myself. It's sad so many people just insist it's not possible to be healthy as you get older. And sorry, being fat isn't healthy.
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09:45 AM on 09/08/2012
Well said. I'm in my late 40's and if I were not active yes my weight would increase. Don't eat crap and get off your ass. It's simple math that you can't consume more calories than you burn and stay the same weight.
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09:58 AM on 09/09/2012
MENOPAUSE, jefferson0467. It is like being possessed by an alien.

Not for all females, certainly, but for some, the body doesn't respond to the usual dietary strictures. Then the doctors hand out prescriptions for ESTROGEN, the FAT-STORING hormone. Even when discontinued, the body may never be normal again.
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Living on the edge -- not taking too much space
08:18 AM on 09/07/2012
"The Three-Letter Word That Ended My Marriage"


Well, actually the lack of sex that all marriages bring.

Be warned, those small minded planning to get married someday: have all the sex you want now before marriage -- because you will have none after it.

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You go girl
Lighten up! Life is too short!
01:09 AM on 09/08/2012
I do agree with the fact that the young people tying the knot have different expectations because they are not mature enough! They think they know everything!
But they don't! I can say this because I married young, thought I was in love!

...A four letter word ended mine, nooo not the "f" word!

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Living on the edge -- not taking too much space
09:45 AM on 09/08/2012
You go girl, Porn is one of the alternatives for those not getting sex at home+... was that the case? C
country girl15
Signs Of The Time
04:53 PM on 09/09/2012
Hi Girl My Friend,
I understand where your coming from as i have been there only add a 6 letter word (Affair) along ith your four letter word. Hopefully we write our past injuries and pains and maybe just maybe some of these younger people will take alittle longer to really get to know each other I pray anyway. Have a great evening My Friend and take care.
Country Girl
Is that true, or did you hear it on Fox?
08:17 AM on 09/07/2012
Congrats on losing the 30 lbs!! And also for shedding the crappy husband who doesn't see women as people but as bodies. I feel for the next body he marries! Very well-written article.
08:10 AM on 09/07/2012
Very insightful piece of writing. In the years I've been reading HuffPo I think this may only be the second time I've ever bookmarked an article. Thanks rock!
07:43 AM on 09/07/2012
Unusual. Usually, the woman ignores her husband's claims that she's sexy and attractive to him.
You keep using that word...
12:00 PM on 09/07/2012
What counts is how her "work husband" feels about her.
07:23 AM on 09/07/2012
You go girl, he sounds like a complete and utter jerk. You are better off without him. I'm skinny and pretty and my husband still left me for an ugly nasty amazon! It's what's inside that counts.
08:37 AM on 09/07/2012
So are you saying the ugly and nasty amazon is much better because she is a good person on the inside unlike you?
03:37 PM on 09/07/2012
I think you know what I mean. Don't be mean.
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