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Guys POV
I'm just here for the sideboob
01:25 PM on 11/02/2012
If you made it through step one of this process, it's clear that you don't trust your significant other already, making steps 2 and 3 irrelevant. If you lack trust, your relationship is already over.
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jarjax1632b
Right-wing extremist, anti-federalist
04:41 PM on 11/02/2012
I agree. Step one is beyond just some simple hunch. You've come to the realization that the significant other is truly cheating on you. If that is so then the relationship can proceed directly to goodbye.
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robin360
dog is god spelled backwards
09:14 PM on 11/01/2012
Pamela Dussault.Spiritual teacher, mentor, counselor, author, soul mate relationship specialist, founder of R.E.A.P. Healing Method

No disrespect, just curious: Any actual educational experience, degrees, etc?
06:01 PM on 11/02/2012
One must wonder! It is a nit-picking criticism to point out how many times the author uses a third person, plural pronoun (they, their) when referring to a first person singular. I know: we all do it. Walk in and your spouse says, "You had a phone call; I don't who it was." Your reply will almost certainly be, "What did they want?" A phone call is almost never from "they," but from a "he" or a "she" -- unless it is a conference call, eh? So, we all need a pronoun that is gender neutral and singular other than "it." To repeat, it is a picky criticism. Still, writing an article from a position of knowledge and authority might be improved with standard grammar. Continually writing about a spouse, but referring to him or her as "they" says the author is an amateur writer, and that subtracts from whatever expertise might be in the message, unfortunately.
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robin360
dog is god spelled backwards
04:01 PM on 11/04/2012
Indeed. You don't sound like a curmudgeon :)
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RhymeAndReason
09:05 PM on 11/01/2012
Although much is being made about the use of intutition—in truth many things that are facts are at work as well. It's not all a sneaking supicion—it's small changes in behavior, actions that are out of the ordinary and thus your intuition kicks in and lets you know something isn't right but your mind and maybe your heart doesn't want to believe the possibility so you try to ignore or discount it. But your "intuition" won't let you....and before you know it the "proof" is right in front of your face. Yep I speak from experience. The "gut" feeling doesn't just crop up. P.S. A gut feeling is not the same thing your "jealous" partner talks about anytime you are around the opposite sex—that's something totally different.
05:46 PM on 11/01/2012
My friend's wife trusted her "gut" about an affair. To this day she maintains he was having an affair with a lesbian.
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
CitizenKane16
10:59 PM on 11/01/2012
It happens. Curiosity killed the cat.
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get the abusers
05:12 PM on 11/01/2012
I strongly recomand NOT to THREATEN OR REVEAL YOUR DISCOVERYS of any Lies , fraud , or confront a ABUSER . Do NOT threaten a abuser your LEAVING or of DIVORCE. Dont show FEAR but APPEASE the abuser TILL YOU MAKE A HIDDEN and QUIET PLAN of ESCAPE Abusers are very PARANOID AS IT IS . Dont give them AMMUNITION TO USE AGAINST YOU . Dont give them time to perpare a plan to stop you from leaving . It could be dangerous .Find someonee you can trust to help you . Dont go to friend or family that they may think you will turn for help .Save yourself and the children . The abuser will use the children .

http://outofthefog.net/Disorders/ASPD.html

http://outofthefog.net/Disorders/NPD.html

http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Top100Traits.html

http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/EmotionalAbuse.html
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Atlantean67
10:03 PM on 11/01/2012
Dear Gettums,

You speak the damn truth. Fanned & Faved!!!
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get the abusers
12:19 AM on 11/02/2012
Thank you , Its a personal experience, I hope to warn many
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wntmoretime
warning irish temper with an italian attitude
02:49 PM on 11/02/2012
wow excellent i bookmarked your links...of course we can find "ourselves" and "others" in a few of these descriptions, like in the 100 traits, when should one really worry when 10 fit them or 20 or one
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
MissFrijole
My bite is worse than my bark.
04:16 PM on 11/01/2012
I'm a paranoid person and I always suspect my husband is cheating. I know he isn't, but since I have cheated on past relationships, I have that guilty/paranoid syndrome that people like me get. If I trusted my gut every time I thought my husband was cheating, we wouldn't have dated longer than two months. You need proof before you go with your gut.
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Louhead
nobody sits like this rock sits
03:58 PM on 11/01/2012
"Hopefully at some point, you'll have the facts you need to back up your intuition. "

Yes. And that is the time to begin "trusting" your gut.
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All Seeing Guy
Center of the storm
04:35 PM on 11/01/2012
Pffff, 'facts' are for men, women have 'intuition'.
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Scorpio115
Unapologetically Opinionated
10:10 AM on 11/02/2012
Ahh, not so much! My boyfriend has some spot on intuition. He was absolutely right about everything his ex was up to throughout their marriage, even though the actual "facts" didn't start leaking out until they split.
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Dave Ryan MD
Husband. Father. Surgeon. Democrat.
11:18 PM on 11/04/2012
We have it too. I can't function in the job I do without it, that's for certain. Theirs seems to be more innate, but ours is cultivated through experience.
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Guys POV
I'm just here for the sideboob
01:30 PM on 11/02/2012
Shouldn't that read, "Hopefully, your doubts were misplaced and you'll get the facts to help you realize that you were temporarily behaving irrationally"?

Why would you hope that your suspicions about your significant other behaving improperly are eventually confirmed? I think having faulty intuition would be more desirable than a lying/cheating lover.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
get the abusers
03:52 PM on 11/01/2012
The signs spoken are Red Flags and is DANGEROUS . A spouse that lies and steels from you , are all about themself AND THEIR WANTS is all that matters at anyones expence . ABUSERS DEFLECT ATTENTION AND BLAMES someone else . They will use any tactic to cause you EMOTIONAL distress , even thier own children . They create a problem with the child to cause suffering to ANYONE THATS A THREAT TO THEM . Sabatoges relationships with family and friends to get rid of people who see what they are doing . Divide and Conquer is a method of gaining and advantage over perceived rivals by manipulating them into conflicts with each other.Proxy Recruitment is a way of controlling or abusing another person by manipulating other people into unwittingly backing you up, speaking for you or "doing your dirty work" for you.

MALIGNANT NARCISSISTICS , SOCIOPATHS , and ANTISOCIALS get you before tou know what hits you . These are ABUSIVE AND DANGEROUS . Being nice wont last long . Never count on haveing some good moments

http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Raging.html
http://outofthefog.net/Disorders/ASPD.html
http://outofthefog.net/Disorders/NPD.html
http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Top100Traits.html

LOVE FRAUD ,,,,http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2011/01/17/sociopaths-and-credit-cards/
A sociopath will target someone who has:
•a job
•access to credit
•a home, which can be tapped for a home equity loan
•retirement savings
•family members with money”
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TaxpayingVoter
Support Marriage Equality
03:49 PM on 11/01/2012
Not being a generally jealous sort, I got my notification of my husband's infidelities in my dreams. It was very unsettling, to say the least, but when everything came to the surface I at least knew that I could trust my subconscious in this respect.
03:48 PM on 11/01/2012
Only way to tell, his mouth is moving.
03:35 PM on 11/01/2012
I trusted my gut for 11 years until I had "evidence". Gut was right on.
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j0hnwi11iams
Liberal Computer Engineer
03:08 PM on 11/01/2012
I don't want someone who doesn't lie. I want someone who will tell me the right kinds of lies. They are ALL lies.
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livingmylife
I answer the questions, & question the answers
08:35 AM on 11/02/2012
Interesting approach .....you may on to something there
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03:08 PM on 11/01/2012
Funny, I'm always trying to get rid of my gut, now I'm being told to trust it...
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The Celestial Teapot
Facts trump opinions
03:01 PM on 11/01/2012
Wow - ignore the facts, trust your intuition. A recipe for disaster!
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02:58 PM on 11/01/2012
.4 You can tell their lying when their lips move.