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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
beanbrain
God bless the USA
12:44 PM on 11/14/2012
adultry is just wrong! takes TWO to make a relationship
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
beanbrain
God bless the USA
12:36 PM on 11/14/2012
adultry is just plain wrong!
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
beanbrain
God bless the USA
12:27 PM on 11/14/2012
I don't care WHO you are, it takes TWO to have a relationship. there's NO excuse for adultry. if you don't want to be married, don't do it. or at least have the balls, or huevos to stand up and say you want out, without cheapening yourself by committing adultry.... enuff said..
12:13 PM on 11/14/2012
Far more pressure is placed on men than women in this scenario.

If a man get's cheated on, the current society theme is "he wasn't handling his business."

Even his own guy friends believe he's naïve and don't want to hear his story. Whereas women have better support structures.

I was watching a show with a woman who was actually a REAL feminists. She had done work with women and now was working with men to show the importance of fathers being in their kids' lives.

She said the same rich men that would contribute large amounts of money to feminists cause wouldn't give a single penny towards the male cause. Why? They told her they believe if the men got caught up in these situations with women it was their own stupid fault.

The saying it's a hard road being a man was made for nothing.
11:49 AM on 11/14/2012
Unfortunately, I should have known. I did know, deep deep down there. Luckily I figured out pretty fast.

http://ablueoctober.blogspot.com

xx
Lulu
11:39 AM on 11/14/2012
OMG..hey if you are in a relationship and your mate/spouse is not in the bed with you after midnight unless he/she works graveyard or sleeps separate in the house they are cheating,business that carries you out the house in wee hours and can't wait til morning they are cheating,with my home boys and got smash they are cheating,that's just a friend that you were never introduce to they are cheating,always mad when your doing everything right they are cheating..etc.etc.etc.and it goes on and on with the lies after lies..I would just stay out of a relationship to relieve the stress and pain for a moment
11:17 AM on 11/14/2012
im sorry but there are signs, there are always signs. worse of all, other people also know it too.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
beanbrain
God bless the USA
12:28 PM on 11/14/2012
worst is you're looking for
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Fran Jaime
11:32 PM on 11/14/2012
No, not always. I know it sounds like there should be but sometimes there aren't.
11:03 AM on 11/14/2012
That's why communication and honesty is necessary, and sometimes cheating isn't the end all. It can actually make a relationship stronger if you are willing to try again and fix something instead of running away from it.
11:01 AM on 11/14/2012
In some cases, "Surely you must have known," is a valid statement to make. Especially when the victim of the infidelity had friends and family telling him or her (it goes both ways. Women cheat as often as men do and for the same reasons) that they are being cheated on, only to turn around and deny it to them and to themselves and continue pretending that those late nights at the office really have something to do with work related activities. But here is the deal... When you love someone, you trust them. Otherwise it isn't really love. Things that seem so obvious to others who are not subject to that spiritual and emotional bond, simply will not be considered. That is why when the infidelity is revealed it is a shock. The evidence was all around the entire time, but the victim didn't know, because the very nature of the love he or she has for the perpetrator blocked it from registering. The sad thing is that after being a victim like that, the beautiful, loving and trusting spirit is replaced by perpetual suspiscion. How many good people wanting to truly care for and love someone can't because the object of their affection will not trust them? A consider infadelity to be murder of the heart. Too bad it will never be viewed on equal footing with actual murder.
12:56 PM on 11/14/2012
You should be the one to write an article on this subject. Very good post. My favorite line? "The sad thing is that after being a victim like that, the beautiful, loving and trusting spirit is replaced by perpetual suspiscion." I was divorced from a serial adulterer; all our friends knew, and some of them partook in the party, so he got all the friends, too, literally. I felt doubly betrayed. Anyhow, years later I met a fantastic man who knows my history, and he always made great effort to never make me doubt his fidelity for one minute, as he knew how damaged I was. It wasn't hard, he just was always were he said he was going to be, and came home when he was supposed to or called me. In other words, he loves me. We have been married for 30 years. But every once in a while, when he is a wee bit late, way back in a corner of my mind that dirty, black thought of betrayal is still there.
03:08 PM on 11/14/2012
So one jerk years ago, caused you to make others in your life jump through hoops? Just to prove something to you? Sounds like you maybe judge all by one...which is wrong, and weak in spirit and self confidence.
03:02 PM on 11/14/2012
how true.... i had abandonment issues BEFORE i was cheated on (adopted child, mom who would surreptitiously give my dogs away, always moving away from my friends); i've stayed away from relationships in the ten years since...

what can i say, i don't think i'll be able to trust and feel secure in a relationship ever again...
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filliperogers
my friends make me laugh
07:03 PM on 11/14/2012
Nothing wrong with stopping at one broken heart fifiwereking......I did and wake up every day feeling better and its been 17 years since divorce....
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Sprinks678
Have I said too much? Probably.
10:40 AM on 11/14/2012
My ex husband cheated on me for an entire year before I became suspicious. Once I had my suspicions I did something I'd never done in my life--I snooped through his things and found the evidence. We're told that we're suppose to trust our spouse and that's what I did. I did have several coworkers say "you must have known," and one coworker admit to me that she had seen him at a restaurant with the other woman, 6 months prior to my finding out. It sure would have been nice if she had told me!
This was over 20 years ago, and I've been happily remarried for 13 years. It was an unfortunate event, but luckily it didn't scar me or keep me from trusting and finding love again. There are good men out there.
07:23 PM on 11/14/2012
Many years ago I had a true friend who came up to me one day and asked "Who's the woman I saw your husband with last night? At first I thought it was you, but then when she turned around I could see it was someone else." Long story short, I kept my eyes open and managed to bust him not long after. We had 2 very small children at the time, so kicking him out wasn't an option that I wanted to consider. Turns out the woman was his secretary, who got her 2 weeks notice a few days later. I figured why should I give up what I want? I had him quitclaim the houses (two) to me and kept him on a very short leash after that.
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Sprinks678
Have I said too much? Probably.
08:09 AM on 11/15/2012
Are you still with him? I see your point, but my ex was already such a mess that he did me a favor when he cheated. I hope the two of you have worked things out to have a loving, trusting relationship. Short leashes become tough to hold on to in the long run. :)
10:19 AM on 11/14/2012
It was a few subtle changes in my ex's behaviour that got my curious about "who" and "why". In a matter of a day, I had found out the hurtful truth. He was getting involved with a co-worker. I managed to decipher his password for his cell phone and there it was the motherload of all texts and voicemail between the two cheaters. It was hell for 3 months until he left. Fast forward 3 years we are now thankfully divorced. I got the house and half his pension. Not bad for all the misery he put me thru.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
KDMac
It's called sarcasm, Genius.
11:25 AM on 11/14/2012
Good for you! I don't understand the people who stay. I don't condemn them for it, but I just don't see how the trust could ever be there again.
12:22 PM on 11/14/2012
Sorry to hear.

Unfortunately it doesn't work out the same way for men.

When the woman cheats she still gets custody and alimony.

Our courts still view women as children in today's society. They consider her cheating to a product of her husband's victimization (he neglecter her, didn't tell her he loved her enough etc.).
10:09 AM on 11/14/2012
What is sad is that you see women who think that if they pretend that everything is fine that no one will know when 9 times out of 10 everyone already knew and that they were only fooling themselves.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
dede4007
12:04 PM on 11/14/2012
Are you acusing the spouses of the betrayers? I hope you never have to go through this. It is hell.
09:59 AM on 11/14/2012
Results of people committed to one another, divorce rates rising to over sixty percent. perhaps most people live in the novelity of marriage rather than the joy of being with someone for the rest of or for a great period of time in life. Being realistic and moral is hard in this society. The economy is a good barometer of what lack of discipline people collectivly focus on. No wonder advertisments for products,social change, everyday tv/social media continually pressure people to the I want, its all about me and my greed. Temptation is hard to resist with allowable deceptive stimulus and immoral progressive attitudes that ruin many of people.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
ooc5477
09:53 AM on 11/14/2012
Even though happily married, this (and others) is one of the reasons I do not believe marriage is normal and actually works---it only works SOME of the time because we have to work so hard at it! Free love relationships with no strings would possible serve humans better at this point in our evolution!
12:17 PM on 11/14/2012
It's a nice theory, but as soon as there are children, there are strings. And our society is set up with joint mortgages, workplace benefits for spouses, and other conventions that make such relationships impractical for the long haul.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
ooc5477
05:11 PM on 11/14/2012
I did not forget that--the children! I just failed to mention it. And your point is right on when it comes to the children--especially the children! I remember the old saying, even though I cannot quote it precisely: "A couple can create a child, but it takes a village to raise it!"
Free love with no strings IS a good theory! However we have encased ourselves in the strings, mortgages, workplace benefits, etc., that you speak of! And you brought up a very good point!
In our day and age, it would be almost impossible (even if in the long run beneficial) to go to what I was speaking of. But I do feel we have become entrapped in our own morals! Entrapped because look at all the cheating/divorces that happen---plus those who have strongly shied away from marriage! So I do feel that my theory (not mine alone) is actually MORE natural, and marriage is LESS natural for humans at this point in our evolution! But now it is too late!
Still, there are those of us who are pleased with the arrangement!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Stagger Lee1
Never Back Down
09:40 AM on 11/14/2012
I have been married to the same woman for 27yrs. as of November 16th. I can honestly say that cheating on my wife has never enterd my mind, not 1 time. I may be in a very low percentage. I have loved this woman with all my heart for every day of our lives together. This was an interesting read for me. I feel for the women (and men) who have had to endure emotional and/or physical betrayel. Now I consider myself a lucky man. I'm glad that I have been fortunate enough to avoid such pain that must leave a scar on a heart, that will probably never go away, completely. My wife also, considers this a heartbreaking situation, for those who have endoured this pain.
KELL F
If we all could be as smart as you......
10:05 AM on 11/14/2012
God bless you both!
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