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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
WasteNJ
(Welcome To Digital Blackwater)
05:45 PM on 06/04/2009
Riveting and so well written! The best thing I've read on HuffPo in a long time.
For those that diaspprove, why do you care? It's not in your face. People have sex, some pay.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Saidas
10:44 AM on 06/05/2009
We all pay one way or another! As many "pros" will tell you, straight girls f&$k for houses, cars, security, status and pros f&$k for cash.
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uberlefty
05:38 PM on 06/04/2009
It all sounds good from a libertarian point of view but it all seems a little soulless. I have a 23 year old daughter and I wouldnt want her to go down this road. Not because its dangerous or demeaning, even though it is both of those things, but because it takes passion and turns it into a commodity. I have had friends who worked in the sex industry both as "dancers" and "escorts". The effect it had on their perspective of people wasnt good. In the end they all regretted their experience as I suspect Ms. Fischer will.
-swift
Can you put your country before your party?
11:39 AM on 06/05/2009
I too, took a job for ten months that left me with a negative perspective of people, and I deeply regretted the experience. I was an elementary school teacher.

I was hired two days before the start of school, and walked into a classroom that had no materials, other than a 1955 encyclopedia with one volume missing. When asked, the other teacher in my grade refused to offer me any materials to help me start. I got some materials so the kids could do some actual work the first week. At the end of the first night, we had Parents' Night. While I was talking about the wonderful educational experience I was planning for their children, the parents were busy looting all the crayons, markers, pencils, and scissors from the boxes at the sides of the room. ALL the materials. Things got worse as the year progressed.

I recovered from that disastrous entry into education and continued. I'm still teaching, and it's a great job (in almost all schools). My point is, If you are going to outlaw jobs because it may give you a negative perspective of people, you will have to get rid of waiting tables, customer service, most retail positions, and possibly education. All the people I know have taken jobs they regret. I know a lot of people who have regretted a sexual encounter. I don't know if I'd want my daughter to be a sex worker. But I wouldn't stop her if she chose it.
04:36 PM on 06/04/2009
People who want to ban abortion, people who want to ban prostitution, and people who want to persecute lesbians and gays all have something in common: they think they have the right to tell other people what to do with their bodies. A woman has the absolute right to control her own body, whether to terminate a pregnancy or to exchange sex for money.
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RevBookburn
reverendbookburn.com
05:09 PM on 06/04/2009
100% agreement. Such people are this continent's version of the Taliban. Choice means any choice that one may not necessarily understand or use themselves. All of the above are victimless and legitimate rights. Rev. Bookburn - Radio Volta
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ibsteve2u
Someone who cares - to his unending regret
04:25 PM on 06/04/2009
"And I was having a lot of crappy experiences with men of dubious integrity."??

Change it to "At first, I thought it was just another crappy experience with a man of dubious integrity.", and then right a murder mystery.
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che1111
04:00 PM on 06/04/2009
I had a similar experience to Amy, only I am a gay male, approaching 50. I was certified in Thai massage, but no one seemed interested, until, I began posting in the erotic section of Craigslist. My rates were reasonable and I screened my clients carefully, because I was not interested in working with clients who I felt uncomfortable with - the result was very satisfying experiences for both me and my clients and a substantial increase in my pitiable income as a teacher (don't worry, I do not work with your children) - but as is usual in this country, the regressive forces have triumphed (for now).
12:09 PM on 06/04/2009
There cannot be a commonsense discussion about human sexuality due to two things.

Religion and Patriarchy

The union of the spiritual and the carnal is a christian/platonic prejudice, it must be discarded ESPECIALLY by women. This is actually now possible with widespread contraception and abortion services being available. Sex is good, love is better, and both of them at the same time are the best, nothing more, nothing less.

I think it was Luce Irigaray, who encouraged lesbian sexual experimentation between young girls, due to the power dynamic being much more equal than with men. This would ingrain the belief that sex and love can be separated with actual practice, thus allowing a woman to be more emotionally and sexually prepared to face a sexual relationship with a man. Which is at first largely power based.

As for men I recommend having friends who are girls and to engage in ritual masturbation and/or casual sex or to abstain if you can/want. Being sexually attracted to a woman but still being able to relate to her on a personal level WITHOUT having sex and also AFTER having sex, is a difficult but an essential skill to learn for a man. Because most of our female relationships are initially based on a sexual power dynamic (due to patriarchal institutions and concepts) and this is calamitous for starting a healthy relationship.
05:46 PM on 06/04/2009
Amen!!
04:06 PM on 06/06/2009
Ditto the 'Amen'. Well said.
09:43 PM on 06/03/2009
It seems that most people here are for the legalization of prostitution...

Is there anyone here who opposes it for a reason beyond not wanting their husbands to use them?

If so, why?
05:10 PM on 06/04/2009
I just posted above you, and I am against it. Let me know your thoughts.
07:21 PM on 06/04/2009
Then your post was deleted or moderated, as I do not see it.
09:31 PM on 06/03/2009
Amy,
I'm happy you found love...and I applaud your honesty. I have also been down a similar path...though love has remained elusive....but I do wish people, and women especially...were able to talk about real life sexuality without judgements and puritanical morality. I don't presume to know what others find "sexy".....and as long as children, animals, and elderly are not harmed or coerced.........why does anyone else care what happens in someones bedroom??

America the closeted, fearful, and hypocritical.

Sign me,
A disabled veteran who "rubs and tugs" and isn't ashamed for one minute!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
ediva75
"Free Your Mind & The Rest Will Follow!" -Envogue
03:31 PM on 06/03/2009
I can't help but to wonder if she has some self esteem issues. I mean to just opt to go into sex work for the heck of it and in actuality she could have just maintained working a regular job and hustled STRICTLY massage services on the side?? She seems to have had no issues with her experience and be like mines wasn't like women who have to do sex work or do it where serious risks are involved. She herself was taking serious risks herself with who she became involved with. There was no telling if any of the guys she put her body at risk with could have been a Ted Bundy or Jeffery Dahmer FOR REAL!!! She comes off glamourizing her experience and making it seem as though it was harmless fun and it wasn't too bad I managed to come out of it ALIVE!!! I hope for her sake she has gotten herself tested. I also hope her homewrecking *** doesn't find herself in the flipside with her significant other seeking his own "girlfriend experience".

There is nothing wrong with open honest discussions on one's sexuality and comfort with your body. But I am sorry there is very much something wrong with this woman who doesn't seem to take seriously that not a lot of women can get out of that lifestyle as quickly as she has
03:28 PM on 06/04/2009
I wonder if EVERYONE has self-esteem issues. We all do? Even you? SHocking. So it must be something else. You're just itching to ridicule this woman, but know you can't without receive loads of disdain, so the only euphemism you can come up with is "low self-esteem". Nice job.
10:03 PM on 06/04/2009
Answering for myself--I never contracted ANYTHING--not even an itch. And I used condoms for $700 BJs and $400 "handies." I hate to keep rubbing it in, especially to the women married to our clients, but: The "sex" industry is SECONDARILY about sex. It's primarily about emotional validation and fantasy--and healing their wounds caused by women. And not to make it sound like all the clients are cheating husbands; they're not. I would say it was nearly 50/50: married vs. single--executives, doctors, lawyers (lots of lawyers!), pastors, school administrators, celebrities and their keepers, sports figures, and "regular" guys. Oh--and I even had one "celibate" member of the clergy: a 20-year Navy Chaplain (who was quite a seasoned 'john" and even used dirty words to describe genitalia).
09:29 PM on 06/05/2009
Seriously....

Who is paying $400 for a hand "career" WITH a condom?

Couldn't I do it myself, without the condom for FREE?

Prostitutes should actually be against legalizing it, their ridiculous prices would drop.
01:10 PM on 06/03/2009
Hypothetical: There is a young woman who's rent is due, and she recently lost her job and can't find work in this economy. There is a guy in her apartment complex who is greasy, nasty, perverted, and is always making lude suggestions whenever she sees him in passing. She would never, in a million years let him even touch her......but it's crunch time and she will be evicted unless she gets that rent money. If she takes him up on the offer for the rent (reluctantly), everything is fine, right? That disgusting pig got exactly what he wanted. She got to stay in her apartment for another month, but lost her dignity, and now the guy is much worse with his suggestive comments (and tells all his perverted friends she's selling it). Is that how we want our society to be arranged? Rampant consumerism and the inability to delay gratification results in moral degradation, where everything once held as sacred is up for sale. This may be an extreme example, but I'm sure similar things have happened. How about paying employees a decent wage, so they don't have to supplement their income in ways they might regret? How about capping executive compensation so they don't have plenty of money to exploit people in the various ways they do? How about not f_cking people we aren't attracted to? How about not selling-out for money?
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Hdaryl01
02:26 PM on 06/03/2009
OK, enjoy your fantasy Utopia. The rest of us will concentrate on the reality presented us here on earth. What if......What if....What if......... Plain and simple, it isn't. You can work toward that ideal, but please come to grips with reality, and try to see some good or positive.

More than likely, the woman in your hypothetical would never have anything to do with the brute. An unwritten rule: you don't work where you eat or live. Even if she was a pro, semi-pro, or sometimes entrepreneurial amateur, she would certainly not service a leche of this nature in her building under any circumstances-the tangible and intangible costs are too high. There are many leches in other buildings that don't know where she lives that she can service if she needs to service a leche. And, more than likely, she wouldn't have to service any leches, unless of course she's in to leches, as it is a free choice-ie reserves the right to service anyone for any reason. If she's from Cleveland, she may go to Toledo to work. Chicago to Minneapolis. Dallas to Houston. Houston to Dallas. Have you no idea how this works?
04:20 PM on 06/06/2009
How about not selling out for money? How about a world that doesn't degrade it's employyees, and perspective employees? How about a world where no one dislikes their job? A world where no one flips burgers for a living? Where no one goes to work, gets demeaned by their boss, harassed by customers and paid a pathetic wage?
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
IllinoisTexan43
ObamaBiden:2012. We built that!
12:50 PM on 06/03/2009
This thread seems to be the complete opposite of the abortion threads. There, the men are admonishing women " to simply keep your legs shut and you don't have to worry about it." Why is sexual freedom championed on this thread and demonized on the other? Not being accusatory, just noticed an interesting aspect.
03:49 PM on 06/03/2009
I haven't read the abortion threads, but the fact that men are telling women to keep their legs shut and they won't have to worry about it is...ironically hilarious.
11:31 AM on 06/03/2009
The US is, next to the muslim nations, the most sexually repressed nation on this earth...
And for the same reason as the muslim nations....
yes snowflakes....religion.
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QuietLightTraveler
Scientist, Teacher, Naturalist, Photographer
10:44 AM on 06/03/2009
Lol, Ester, how can I get date with you. There is nothing more sexually exciting than goodness tainted,
and the fact that you are an intelligent temptress makes you all the more irresistible, lolololol
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09:59 AM on 06/03/2009
It's interesting that this author is in her 30s (biological clock ticking?) and that she was only in the business for what appears to be a short time. After all, she found her one guy at long last. How will she feel when part of the family income and her own dignity (through his secret betrayal) is used to satisfy his sexual needs when he no longer finds her "attractive" enough, or "sexy" enough when she gets older? Has she had an honest conversation with him about her work? Will she hire a male prostitute when she's no longer "desirable?"

I know the "boys can't help it" but some never develop the discipline needed to stifle themselves enough to prevent going outside a relationship. Those clients who claim to love their wives are confusing that so-called with the woman who was, at one time, the focus of his sexuality (and he of hers) and has stuck by him , had children with him, made the relationship or marriage work. Those women understand men, too, sex workers don't have a corner on that market. Committed relationships, which are the responsibility of both parties, are not all about narcisstic sex, but it seems to be coming around to that.
12:43 PM on 06/03/2009
I'll bet that if people wouldn't enter into marriage until they were 100% sure they would remain completely monogamous, the marriage rate would be much lower, but we wouldn't have a 50% divorce rate either. The "sanctity of marriage wasn't/isn't threatened by gay marriage, it's threatened by infidelity. I'd be willing to bet that most "Johns" are married, anyway.

And how about this: The average Fortune 100 CEO makes over $8,000.00 per hour. How many "sessions" could they afford vs. the average worker? Does that mean that the rich are granted access to pleasures denied to the rest of us? The top CEO makes over $30,000.00 per hour. If he wanted to go around nailing every female in sight for $1,000.00 each, how long would it take to make his rounds to your wife or daughter? That kind of money can and does buy third-world people outright. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that some of our CEOs buy "slaves" from the third world, for "use" on their yachts. When they are done with them, they just probably toss them overboard. Third world people are expendable to them in business, why not in pleasure?
06:30 PM on 06/04/2009
Tell us this is sarcasm...please
09:32 PM on 06/03/2009
Just curious, when are women asked to "stifle themselves" to make a relationship work?
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09:27 AM on 06/03/2009
Hi Ester,
Loved the article.
Been reading the comments and have a question.. You'd stated that you were having a tough time finding Mr Right. And that you dated quite a lot. Is there a chance that quite a few of the men you dated were only in it for the sex ? So they drop a bunch of bucks on a fun evening and may or may not get laid. In either event you apparently don't hear from them too many more times. Hmmm... OK, so it was nice for you to have a night out. But, for the guy, it may have been cheaper to get an escort, and be sure he gets what he needs.
So, this begs the question-- of all the men out there dating, what percentage are looking for sex and what percentage are seriously long-term-relationship building ?? Not that most guys could answer that honestly..LOL.
Yes, there is a huge need for legal sexual services in the US. I have been to Nevada several times and-- well, you do get what you pay for... no more; no less. It was good. But not in my neighborhood.
I have also partaken of a few escorts. Not cheap unless you look at what a great date costs these days.

Legalize it (for both sexes-- Yes, women would buy quality as well... been done)
01:46 PM on 06/03/2009
I'm male and I'll answer honestly. I date to get to know the person. If, or when the opportunity to get cozy on the first or second date presents itself, and she doesn't stop it, I will. How much can a person learn about someone else in just a few hours? Even if I spent quite a bit of money on the date/s, I still hold-out until at least round three. I consider the time and money spent on the date/s "brain rental", not the renting of another part. I've been in too many f_cked-up relationships not to test the water before jumping in. I have my own rigorous psychological evaluation for the ones who make it to stage two. One of the questions is: Have you ever worked in a gentlemen's club, recieved money for sexual favors, or worked in the adult film industry? If the answer is "yes", they don't make it to round three. It's not about what they did in the past, it's what that mentality leads to in the future. I've dated "dancers", and will never do that again. Women who are never out of a relationship (who don't let go of one branch until they have a firm grasp on the next) are out too. If I never get married, that's great because I never wanted that anyway. Mutual symbiosis is better than marriage, but it's rare.
06:00 PM on 06/04/2009
"Have you ever worked in a gentlemen's club, recieved money for sexual favors, or worked in the adult film industry?"

And how many have said "yes" to your question?

Stop asking questions, and start observing their actions.