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12:49 PM on 10/07/2010
With respect,
You forgot the most important thing; love is a decision you make, not an emotion or possession like a new car. Love starts at home, you gotta like yourself first- harder for single adults to admit to this, I think.
DumbleGoat says, "-5 pts for using the word "acceptance" (for readers who aim low in their "love" relationships) , +10 for being a single psychotherapist.
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ImaVeteran
12:47 PM on 10/07/2010
I married a women with both a nasty mean side, and a beautiful loving compassionate side. Guess which side showed up most? That would be in the way she treated our child, and a child from her previous marriage.

She is an emotional vampire.
Believe me ,I was no Angel, but damm!
06:48 PM on 10/07/2010
Sounds like a tough situation. Hope you're doing okay.
12:30 PM on 10/07/2010
People change unceasingly. We're changed by every experience, every thought. In relationship the problem is when we try to force the change we want in the other. The very effort causes change...resistance, and resentment. Hardly the change we looked for.

Accepting people as they are doesn't mean approving of everything they do, but they are who they are at that minute, and expecting otherwise is delusional.

The best thing is to work on ourselves, and be kind to others. Simple, really.
06:51 PM on 10/07/2010
Very well put. Thank you.
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WoodsideCraig
Author of the blog "The Weiler Psi"
10:07 AM on 10/07/2010
Kudos. This is a difficult concept for many people and the author clearly states what the issue is.

My experience is that very few people understand just how hard change really is or how long it takes. And few question whether the change they want in someone else is really appropriate.

Fundamental personality changes actually take years to accomplish and they require the full commitment of the person changing. If you have a partner that you want to change, then you have to change yourself and hope that they come along for the ride. Nothing else works.
12:32 PM on 10/07/2010
Well said. Yes.
06:52 PM on 10/07/2010
What cgr said. Thank you for reading, and for your comment.