Addicts, on the whole, don't think much about etiquette. When you're shooting dope into your neck several times a day because the veins in your arms and legs are all used up, laying out a proper table and making sure the salad plates are chilled isn't much of priority. In treatment, we find that certainly some individuals learned proper manners, but many others were busy using when these skills might have been learned. In order to make it in the work world, as well as improve your social life, manners are important. Here are 10 etiquette skills anyone will benefit from using more frequently.
1.RSVP. Meaning répondez s'il vous plait, French for please respond, the request for an RSVP means your host wants to know whether you are planning to attend an event or not. They need to know for planning. Respond right away to an invitation with an RSVP and then do what you say you will do. If you plan to attend, show up. If you do not plan to attend, politely send your regrets. It causes great cost and hassle, as well as disappointment to the host, when you do not RSVP. If your plans change, that's OK. Just let the host know.
2.Turn off your cell phone. Unless you are a bona fide on-call medical doctor or someone else with responsibilities that are literally life or death, it's plain rude to have your face in a telephone during a social engagement. Don't even bother with silent mode. Turn it off and put it away. Be with the people who are in your company. And no, no one else wants to see photos of your grandchildren, last vacation or yesterday' lunch; it's just not that interesting to anyone but you.
3.Show up on time. Five minutes on either side of an appointment may account for traffic, but more than that is unacceptable. The person/people you are meeting will worry and feel devalued. It takes no special talent to be on time, only courtesy and commitment. If you are going to be late, let the person you are meeting know as soon as possible, but please be safe and do not text while driving.
4.Don't use your fingers. Be prepared to use silverware to eat all food unless your host first takes an item with his/her fingers, usually hand-passed hors de vours or something like chips and dip while watching a game. If you're sitting at a dinner table, use the silverware provided. If you don't know what to use, watch your host. You shouldn't eat until s/he has been seated anyway. And certainly do not use your fingers to clean your ears, pick your nose, scratch your backside, dislodge ill-fitting underpants, or readjust anything that is covered by foundation garments. Excuse yourself to the restroom.
5.Use your inside voice. Americans in particular have a way of raising the volume in conversation. Especially if you are in public, at a restaurant where there are other diners, for example, try to keep your voice down so that everyone can hear one another and enjoy the event.
6.Take a gift. If you are going to someone's home for a meal, it is polite to bring a small token to the hosts, usually something in the range of $10-$20. "Perishable" gifts are generally preferred. This might be a bottle of wine, an artisanal cheese, flowers, etc. Gifts are standard for life-cycle events such as birthdays or weddings. Spend what you can comfortably afford; if that is "only" a nice card expressing your warm wishes for their future, so be it. If the host is having a birthday party or similar and asks for no gifts, respect their wishes. Can't help yourself? Give a small donation to a charity the honoree supports.
7.Shake hands. Make eye contact. Smile. I work with addicts, who often suffer in early recovery from a lack of self-esteem. Whether the engagement you are attending is for work or a social event, you have been invited because the person sending the invitation wants to see you. Be proud of all you have to offer. Shake hands (or hug if appropriate), look your host directly in the eye, and smile. Let your host know how pleased you are to spend time with him/her and share your gratitude for the invitation.
8.Don't drink. If you're in recovery, not drinking is the first rule. Whether you are in recovery or not, if there is any chance at all that your drinking will cause you to say or do something stupid, stick with water. No one wants their party torn up by a drunken lout. If you are attending an event as a companion to someone newly in recovery, don't drink to show your support of them.
9.Leave the controversial conversation alone. A social or work event is not a time to discuss anything controversial. Your views on politics, social norms, the latest celebrity gossip, the outrageous antics of your long-lost uncle, religion, refugees or the United Nations are unwanted. An event is not Facebook where others can simply scroll past what they do not want to view/hear. Do not allow yourself to be baited. Limit your conversation to topics that are not going to end in a brawl or a shouting match. Better yet, keep it cheerful if you can.
10.Say thank you. Before leaving, be sure to say goodbye to your hosts and thank them for a lovely activity. Do not simply slip away. Even if you had a rotten time, find your hosts, smile, and thank. They put a lot of effort into the event. Let them know that you appreciated their effort and the fact that they invited you. You have been a guest. Be gracious and grateful that someone went to the effort to invite you around.