Last year, my friend took me to see Aziz Ansari's stand up show at the Orpheum Theatre in L.A., and it was all kinds of awesome. When it airs on Netflix, I'm sure everyone will have a whole new perspective on online dating and dick pics.
Aziz has pretty much become the self-appointed interpreter of 21st century romance. Yet while he seems to understand current mating rituals, he's also lost in the complexity of sentiment. He observes problems, he can't really resolve them, and when in doubt, he changes the subject to his cousin Harris.
Honestly, Aziz (if you're reading this, which I'm sure you're not since you've sworn off Internet browsing), I agree with almost everything you say about the diminishing state of romance with one exception.
You suggest a current problem with relationships is that people don't want to commit because it feels like we have too many options. We can date practically anyone in the entire world, thus no one wants to settle for fear of missing out on someone better (FOMOOSB).
This relates to a common chocolate dilemma. A person picks from three pieces of chocolate, they find their choice to be amazing. If they have 40 options, they imagine another piece would have been better. You're never content.
Though Russell Stover consistently screws me over, I don't think having options necessarily leaves us unsatisfied or curious. Maybe for some people. Rather, the real problem to me is that we've become replaceable -- available in bulk -- and in a sense, love lost value. It's more like getting chocolate from Walmart than Godiva.
The mass consumption of love makes us all out to be generic products, itemized by size and shape, listed with some amalgamation of ingredients, and requesting to be sampled. You skim through a spread of potential partners, read a few things about them. The more you look, the more they all sound the same, so you figure you'll try a bunch of people out. It's not a big deal.
Needless to say, they don't let you sample at Godiva, that shit is by the ounce.
With commodification, we question how our products will stand the test of time. We don't view people as evolving into better things. We don't view them as an ongoing story, an adventure with ups and downs and magic twists, but something with a shelf life.
People in Japan don't even see the point of love or marriage anymore because it's "too hard," cumbersome even. It's become a real bother.
(Although the Japanese are not having sex either. Apparently, they're replacing it with "other urban pastimes" so, like, city biking?)
Shopping for love creates impatience, and the second something goes wrong we jump to conclusions. Moldy. Rotten. Freezer burned. Toss it and return to OK Cupid, where we can find almost the same thing again, but fresh.
There are fewer serendipitous moments only because we don't notice or appreciate them. We're too busy waiting on a direct message. In fact, romantic gestures now feel either a) cheesy b) too 1950s or c) suspicious.
Recently, there were several guys who, on different occasions, pulled over in their cars while I was jogging to ask me out. One guy chased me down by foot and gave me his phone number. To me, it was straight out of Cinderella, but when I told my cousin, she asked if I was running in a safe neighborhood.
With the great wide web of love, there's no need to stand out in real life as people primarily shop from the comfort of their couch. Better to create a good advertisement (and by advertisement, I do mean dick pic).
On a scale of one to The Notebook, we're currently romancing at about a Knocked Up.
Anyhow, Aziz, you almost got it right. Or maybe you got it all right and there are two problems. Or maybe I'm wrong. I don't know how to meet anyone either.
In my opinion though, technology didn't make love more available. It made it less sweet.
For what it's worth, I prefer Lindt Truffle Balls -- the dark, dark ones. They don't come in boxes, but whenever I see them, I grab a handful and never look back. They're absofuckinglutely delicious.
That's how I hope love will be.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.