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Should I Sleep With Him?: A Flow Chart

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Last weekend, I ran into a little conundrum over a rule I made for myself a month ago regarding whether or not I would continue going home with guys I met while out on the town. I decided that, since I never have a boyfriend and my track record consists primarily of one-night stands, going forward I would require a date. No exceptions. It doesn't have to be fancy and I don't need more than one date. In fact, a walk in the park will suffice. Just something so I don't feel like a slut.

So that was the rule, and I intended to stick by it.

Then, I went to a party and met a guy I kind of liked, and was faced with the decision of applying my rule or scrapping it in the name of passion. Despite the temptation, I went with the first option and have been regretting it ever since. I don't even think I was proud of myself that night. Particularly since the guy was from out of town, it was hard to assess the value of such parameters. It proved nothing, and I definitely got nothing out of it. Therefore, I determined a universal policy just didn't make sense.

The problem is that a lot of guys nowadays are lazy and want too much for very little. I refuse to pacify such apathetic ritualistic behavior. Not only are women expected to approach men and strike up a conversation, I was recently told at a club that I should be the one to request a phone number. Yeah fucking right. I don't mind paying my own way, and I don't mind being aggressive, but where's the fun in romance if men act like chicken shit who can't dip their toes in the shallow end?

Nevertheless, not everyone is like this and sometimes a spontaneous move in the right moment sparks something great; thus, every offer should not be rejected. So, instead of a rule, I've created a flow chart to help me decide if I will sleep with someone I meet at a party. It's a series of questions, one leading to the next; if my answer says move forward then I will continue on until I hit either a stop sign or green light. Simple and efficient.

It goes like this: I meet guy at party. Guy is nice and appears to be attractive. Guy intimates that I should leave with him. Accordingly, I consider the following:

1. What kind of shoes is he wearing?
a. Sneakers → move forward
b. Sandals → stop
c. Dress shoes → move forward if he has a legitimate excuse

2. What have I been drinking?
a. Wine → move forward
b. Liquor → move forward only if it's not necessary to ask other people what he looks like
c. So drunk I don't know even know → stop

3. How drunk is he?
a. Slurring more words than me → stop
b. About the same as me → move forward if my answer to #2 was a) or b)
c. He can drive → stop unless he's the DD, 'cause what the hell?

4. Does he like hip hop?
a. Yes → move forward
b. No → stop
c. He knows more Tupac songs than I do → automatic green light

5. Does he have a job?
a. Yes → move forward
b. No → stop unless it's because he's the prince of a country

6. Does he live in the same city?
a. Yes → move forward
b. No → automatic green light because no option to date anyway
c. Within driving distance → sure, move forward

7. How old is he?
a. Under 25 or over 40 → stop
b. 25-30 → move forward if speaks in complete sentences
c. 30-40 → move forward if he appears to be in shape

8. Who did he come with?
a. Alone → stop unless he confirms he knows someone there
b. Bunch of guys → move forward unless they look like they used to be in a fraternity
c. A couple girls → move forward but ask about it

9. Do I remember his name?
a. Yes → move forward
b. No → stop unless it's because I forgot to ask in the first place

10. Did he get my phone number?
a. Yes → move forward
b. No → stop

11. Did he already use my phone number even before we left the party?
a. Yes → stop
b. No → move forward

12. Did he show me nice pictures of his family on boats?
a. Yes → move forward
b. No → where are you, Swedish guy from last weekend?!

13. Did he compliment something other than my legs or chest?
a. Yes → move forward
b. No → move forward only if he complimented both my legs and chest

14. Would I sleep with him sober?
a. Yes → move forward.
b. No → stop
c. Not sure → move forward if it's debatable for personality reasons; stop if it's for
physical reasons

15. Where does he suggest going?
a. His place → move forward
b. My place → stop; could be stuck with him indefinitely
c. Third party location → move forward if it doesn't involve his friends or family

16. If he's made it this far, it's a go.