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Green Egg Substitutes and Un-Ham

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I eat professionally but write as an amateur to maintain my Olympic status. With apologies to Theodor Geisel...

That Satian-I-am!
That Satian-I-am!
I do not like
That Satian-I-am!

Do you like
Green egg substitutes and un-ham?

I do not like them,
Satian-I-am.
I do not like
Green egg substitutes and un-ham.

Would you like them
Fair trade or "near?"

I would not like them
Fair trade or "near."
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like
green egg substitutes and un-ham.
I do not like them
Satian-I-am.

Would you like them
in a retrofitted, repurposed, refurbished house?
Would you like them
with an endangered species-protected mouse?
(like the Perdido Key beach mouse?)

I do not like them
in a retrofitted, repurposed, refurbished house
I do not like them
with an endangered species-protected mouse
(not even the Perdido Key beach mouse)
I do not like them
fair trade or "near."
I do not like them anywhere
I do not like green egg substitutes and un-ham
I do not like them, Satian-I-am.

Would you eat them
in a locally sourced, 100-percent-made-of-recycled-materials box?
Would you eat them with an endangered species-protected fox?
(like the California Channel Island fox?)

Not in a locally sourced, 100-percent-made-of-recycled-materials box.
Not with an endangered species-protected fox
(not even the California Channel Island fox)
Not in a retrofitted, repurposed, refurbished house
Not with an endangered species-protected mouse
(and still not with the Perdido Key beach mouse)
I would not eat them fair trade or "near."
I would not eat them anywhere.
I would not eat green egg substitutes and un-ham.
I do not like them, Satian-I-am.

Would you? Could you?
In an electric car?
Eat them! Eat them!
Here they are.

I would not
could not,
in an electric car
(not even a sporty hybrid with airbrushed flames.)

You may like them.
You will see.
You may like them
in a saved-from-logging-by-chaining-a-hippy-to-it tree!

I would not, could not, in a saved-from-logging-by-chaining-a-hippy-to-it tree.
Not in an electric car (or a VW bus for that matter!)
You let me be.

I do not like them in a locally sourced, 100-percent-made-of-recycled-materials box.
I do not like them with an endangered species-protected fox
(not even the California Channel Island fox)
I do not like them in a retrofitted repurposed refurbished house
I do not like them with an endangered species-protected mouse
(and still still not with the Perdido Key beach mouse)
I do not like them fair trade or "near."
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like green egg substitutes and un-ham.
I do not like them, Satian-I-am.

An environmentally safe, "green" train! An environmentally safe, "green" train!
An environmentally safe, "green" train! An environmentally safe, "green" train!
Could you, would you,
on an environmentally safe, "green" train?

Not on an environmentally safe, "green" train! Not in a saved-from-logging-by-chaining-a-hippy-to-it tree!
Not in an electric car (especially those Tesla things!) Satian! Let me be!

I would not, could not, in a locally sourced, 100-percent-made-of-recycled-materials box.
I could not, would not, with an endangered species-protected fox
(not even the California Channel Island fox)
I will not eat them with an endangered species-protected mouse
(and still still still not with the Perdido Key beach mouse)
I will not eat them in a retrofitted, repurposed, refurbished house
I will not eat them fair trade or "near."
I will not eat them anywhere.
I will not eat green egg substitutes and un-ham.
I do not like them, Satian-I-am.

Say!
In the dark (because we turned the lights out for green week!)
Here in the dark (because the lights are out for green week!)
Would you, could you, in the dark (it's really dark because the lights are out for green week!)

I would not, could not,
in the (turn the lights back on right now) green week dark.

Would you, could you,
in the non-acid rain?

I would not, could not, in the non-acid rain.
Not in the green week dark. Not on an environmentally safe, "green" train.
Not in an electric car. Not in a saved-from-logging-by-chaining-a-hippy-to-it tree!
I do not like them, Satian, you see.
Not in a retrofitted repurposed, refurbished, house
Not in a locally sourced, 100-percent-made-of-recycled-materials box.
Not with an endangered species-protected mouse
(and still still still still not with the Perdido Key beach mouse)
Not with an endangered species-protected fox
(not even the California Channel Island fox)
I will not eat them fair trade or "near."
I do not like them anywhere.

You do not like green egg substitutes and ham?

I do not
like them,
Satian-I-am.

Could you, would you,
with a responsibly farm-raised goat?

I would not,
could not,
with a responsibly farm-raised goat!

Would you, could you,
on a zero emissions boat?

I could not, would not, on a zero emissions boat.
I will not, will not, with a responsibly farm-raised goat.
I will not eat them in the non-acid rain.
I will not eat them on an environmentally "green" train.
Not in the green week dark! Not in a saved-from-logging-by-chaining-a-hippy-to-it tree!
Not in an electric car. You let me be!
I do not like them in a locally sourced 100% made of recycled materials box.
I do not like them with an endangered species-protected fox
(not even the California Channel Island fox)
I will not eat them in a retrofitted repurposed refurbished house?
I will not eat them with an endangered species-protected mouse?
(and still still still still still not with the Perdido Key beach mouse?)
I do not like them fair trade or "near."
I do not like them ANYWHERE!

I do not like
green egg substitutes
and un-ham!

I do not like them,
Satian-I-am.

You do not like them.
So you say.
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may, I say.

Satian!
If you let me be.
I will try them.
You will see.

Say!
I like green egg substitutes and un-ham!
I do! I like them, Satian-I-am!
And I would eat them in a zero emissions boat.
And I would eat them with a responsibly farm-raised...

Yeah, yeah, yeah... before all that blather, you owe me 26 dollars for the green egg substitutes and un-ham.
Cash or credit?