Allow me to cut to the chase: I'm single and considering online dating.
I haven't lost faith in randomly meeting someone who rings my bell, but why not jumpstart the process a little bit, right? Why not see who's out there in my fair city and, if anything, get some much-needed practice small talking across the table from someone else?
But like any good journalist, I want to get my facts straight before diving in. And fortunately, I was assigned to find out whether online dating works for Discovery News and chatted with some experts about the pros and cons of searching for a special somebody on the Internet. In the process, I gleaned a handful of fundamental facts that should better prepare me for any online dating adventures ahead (if I get up the guts to go for it, that is).
Online dating profiles are often riddled with white lies. We're not talking about total misrepresentation, but rather embellishments to make a profile stand out in the crowd. Rutgers communications assistant professor Jennifer Gibbs says that someone, for instance, might say they're 35 instead of 36 to not get filtered out of demographics searches on dating sites.
As an addendum to the previous point, it's wise to remember that people craft online dating profiles to showcase their best sides, rather than bear out all of their mundane life details. For that reason, sift through online dating profiles with the discerning eye of an employer examining a stack of résumés. When you find someone who looks like a decent fit, don't assume that they're exactly like the picture they paint in their profile. You'll get a better sense of who they are during in-person "interviews."
To the same extent that online dating allows people to hide certain flaws, it can also foster intimate communication quicker than in-person interactions. Researchers refer to this tendency as the "hyperpersonal effect." But when you suddenly feel a deep connection with someone you've only briefly interacted with online, don't start fantasizing about a blissful future together. The hyperpersonal effect can easily spoil your first in-person date if you've built up an idealized version of a potential partner in your mind.
Yes, online dating works, but it isn't foolproof. Gibbs warns that people who expect to find the perfect partner with a few mouse clicks are in for a letdown. While online dating is a relatively quick and easy way to meet people, it only takes care of the first dating step. As Gibbs might say, it's important to understand the differences between "relationshopping" with online dating and "relationshipping" with face-to-face, real world encounters with people. And as we all know, building a solid relationship takes a lot more work and maintenance beyond the first meeting.
But maybe the bottom-line truth about online dating is that, when you really think about, it isn't all that different from "real world" dating. Either way, you meet somebody, hang out and hope for the best.
Internet dating can work. Just remember- like any other way to meet people, it's still work (see #5). No matter where you meet people, you're gonna have to sift through them all to find your prince.
Personally, I like internet dating sites- the distance makes it easier for me to be analytical about the whole process. I've met all kinds online... :D including my wonderful sweetheart!
What I recommend is that you look at online dating as just a chance to socialize with a greater circle of people and if there is a real spark there it will make itself apparent eventually. Also, since you aren't there face to face, there is actually less of a tendency to edit yourself and you're able to ask your prospective mate things that might be a bit delicate in person. So just relax, have fun with it and try to focus on what you can learn from the people you're communicating with. Know what you want, trust your gut instincts and have some real content to bring to the conversation.
In addition, one benefit of initially communicating only through email is that it forces you to think about what you want in a relationship and your place in it and you get a chance to ensure that you don't say something you don't mean. Face to face conversation has a time pressure attached to it that email conversation does not and therefore one is less likely to relay an inadvertently malformed idea to the other person.
Also for some, online dating the only option, like for me. I met my guy online over 2 years ago and we're still going strong. But to me online dating is not really "dating" it's just another avenue to meet someone that you wouldn't otherwise meet in real life. I worked on many bases, at major corporations and never met anyone. Maybe cause I'm so shy, but online dating allowed me to be more relax and put what I'm about out there so that if someone was interested they could contact me so we could take it further.
I did fall victim to #4 but I was at a very vulnerable time in my life so I was an easy target. It never went beyond online cause he pulled a #2 on me and found out.
And one is going to experience just as much disappointment meeting someone online as they will with real life meetings. That's just the way dating works, you just have to get back up and keep going til you find what you are looking for. :)
What matters is that you throw up that "PhD" like a shield, a beacon a sword a ticket to the galaxy of "I'm somebody". It separates you. Your creating distance where there is none. I doubt any man's first thoughts are "...I wonder if she's educated ?"...I've never heard it.
If the man is smart he'll know if you are too without you wearing a Prof pin on your blouse. If your smart you wont have to explain how you earned a PhD.
Of course there are more valuable things than smart. There's endurance, patience, stability, the gut feeling of wanting to laugh whenever you get the chance, there's optimism, there's spirituality, there's a kind heart, a gentle expression, firm character, bold belief.......I could go on and on and on.
I put smart somewhere near the bottom. You don't need smart to be married or happy. You need someone who's willing to be there through thick and thin. These people are rare because smart people scoop them up.
Looks mean little. Even sex is not a key ingredient. As long you commit to dancing to different songs til you find your pace and rythmn with the right harmony the search for awesome can be the adventure that takes you both through life.
I used this philosophy online. "If I don't like you in writing your photo wont matter". I'm now married 2 years and she's 50+.