Better Fathers: Courtesy of the Sexual Revolution
Most Americans believe that the right to plan when to become pregnant was the most important step toward women's liberation. A Gallup poll revealed that more people cite birth control as having the "highest impact" on women than "opportunity for higher education," "access to jobs," political representation," or even the much-publicized "women's movement." Certainly, once birth control became legal, and especially after the introduction of the instantly popular birth control pill, women's lives were transformed. June Cleaver became Hillary Clinton. The change was almost instantaneous. Harvard researchers recently looked into the relationship between family planning and women's liberation and came to the same conclusion. The study, "The Power of the Pill," shows that almost immediately after legalization of contraception there was a surge of women entering college and the professions. From 1970 to 2000, the number of women graduating college more than doubled. Women now represent 61 percent of undergraduates. In just two decades after the legalization of family planning the number of women in the workforce nearly doubled. Today, there are nearly equal numbers of women as men in the workforce. Women's liberation was set in motion by the sexual revolution -- the correlation has been amply documented.
What's left out of all this good news is men. Little attention has been paid to the impact that women's liberation has had on men. The unacknowledged truth is that men have been transformed too. Today, men have more freedom, flexibility and choices -- in the most meaningful ways. A University of Michigan study found that children's time with their fathers increased significantly only in families in which the mother worked out side the home. As researchers of the Families and Work Institute summed up, "There are many other indications that the workforce has become more family-friendly -- especially the fact that American fathers are spending more time with their children than fathers did a generation ago. This trait seems to be passed along in the DNA of the new workforce. Gen X fathers spend significantly more time with their children than baby-boomer fathers -- a difference of more than one hour each day. And most men are aware of this difference: 84 percent report that they spend more time with their kids than their fathers did. As the researchers point out, "Obviously, this trend is affected by the increase in the number of employed mothers." Today, more husbands count on their wives to bring home a significant share of the family wealth; nearly one in four women now earns more than her husband. With this, men have options to leave a negative work environment, change careers, take more career risks, and be more involved with their children.
Today, as a result of not having to shoulder all the economic demands of the family, and by having smaller families, men have been allowed to become more involved fathers -- better fathers -- than ever before. And they seem to like being fathers. Eighty-five percent of dads say they get more joy out of fatherhood than their own fathers did.
Of course, you'd never know this if you listened to the so-called pro-family groups set on convincing us that they way we live is tearing the country apart, family by family.
No doubt, some men are angered -- silently or otherwise -- by women in the workplace. The competition is keener than ever. Yet in the past thirty years, men have been transforming. Today, the majority of men say they desire an equal marriage (77 percent). And they appear to mean it. Mothers spend thirty-six minutes less on chores on workdays and an hour less on non-workdays, than they did 25 years ago. Dads spend thirty minutes more each day helping their wives raise their children than they did twenty-five years ago. Fathers increased involvement starts at the very beginning of their children's lives: 90 percent of dads are present in the delivery room (compared to 10% in 1970). "Men are doing more changing, feeding and burping than they were 30 years ago," states James Levine, who heads the Manhattan-based Fatherhood Project at the Families and Work Institute. "At parent teacher meetings," says Levine, "you're still going to see more women than men, but the number of men is increasing. We're seeing this across all income, racial, ethnic and geographic groups. It's a very broad based social phenomenon." Dads today are more affectionate with their children: 60 percent hug their school age kids every day, and 79% tell their children they love them several times a week. "This is welcome news because it benefits the child," says Jaipaul L. Roopnarine, a professor of child studies at Syracuse University who has researched cross-cultural fathering for more than two decades. "Children whose fathers are involved with them show better education achievement, fewer problems in school, and they're better off socially."
All this seems to have created a revolution in how men see themselves. Seventy percent of dads today feel they would be just as effective staying home and raising children as their wives. The Gallup organization found that one in four men would actually like to stay home and take care of the house and family. Spike TV, the TV network for men, surveyed 1,300 men and found that the number considering staying home is even higher; the poll found that 56 percent of men would consider becoming stay-at-home dads. As the Spike TV pollsters explain, "This is the first generation of men to feel the full effect of women entering the workforce. As women have become partners in the workplace, men are now adjusting to a more equal status at home." And record numbers of men are choosing to stay home too. Today statistics show that roughly 2.5 million dads nationwide stay home to be their children's primary caretaker.
The unheralded result of women entering the workforce, thanks in large part to family planning, has been the rise of the real family man and the making of the more devoted father. It is to the point where the vast majority of men today, 72 percent, say they would sacrifice pay and job opportunities for more time with their families. Spike TV found that most men would choose attending their kids' sporting event over an important work obligation. The Spike TV pollsters explain, "There's been a paradigm shift. Men want involvement with kids. Even with infants, they get up at night. It was NEVER like this before. They're taking parenting seriously. New responsibilities with kids and in homes are enriching men's lives. They're excited by it and proud."
So much for the break up of the family caused by women's emerging roles, the sexual revolution, and the birth control pill--family is more desired, and enjoyed, than ever before. With women sharing a larger stake in providing economically for the family, men have stepped up their investment in nurturing.
In a 1995 interview, feminist icon Gloria Steinem summarized the achievements of women's liberation this way, "We've taken one giant step forward by convincing the majority of the country that women can do what men can do. But the next step is convincing the country that men can do what women can do. So far, we don't believe it ourselves." Maybe it's about time we start believing.
For breaking news on threats to birth control access and information visit birthcontrolwatch.org
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We are also seeing an extraordinary number of men walking away from their children.
I have to admit, I am SHOCKED at the posts by men who actually view women working as abandonment and a breakdown of the family. I am 27 years old and I THOUGHT I was wordly, but obviously I am not. Thank goodness I think this is a generational issue, as the men my age I know, even the most conservative of my friends, tend to look down on women who DON'T work and are stay at home mothers. I am used to defending women who want to stay at home to raise their children, as most men my age see these women as lazy or looking for a free ride. I honestly never even thought about the fact that there may be men out there who DON'T want women to work.
I can only imagine these posters are 60 year old + men who miss the good old days when white men had ALL the power, and women and minorities "knew their place" at the feet of the all powerful white man, who knew what was best for the rest of us. Now they have to share power with us lowly women and minorities, and I have no doubt life is not as good for YOU as it used to be. It's good to be the king, as they say, and you are no longer the king.
I shall play the world's smallest violin, just for you.
.... Thats an excellent depiction, replete with rich sarcasm, about the inadequate guys who fear successful wives ...i am proud to say that i have brought up my 22 and 19 year olds daughters wityh an atitude similar to yours in a very successful 2 high-powred career marriage...REAL DADS COOK FAMILY DINNERS....
Actually, we condemn working mothers for working, and just as harshly condemn stay-at-home mothers for not working. I think men in general view life in terms of winners and losers, masters and subjects, and are terrified that gender roles will be reversed, with women earning the highest wages (and subsequently having the greater power). What women want is an equal role in life, including real partnerships in personal relationships.
My son is a "Baby Boomer" and he is the best father than I have ever seen in my long life!! BUT, he had a mom who taught him how to treat girls/women and learned much. His dad was a non=involved father but I took up the slack..............only sometimes he is a little "lacking" in realizing what his wife needs........but what else is new with most men???
I think it's great that dads are more involved with their kids, and you can count that as a positive effect of women's liberation as the article states.
However, a less often discussed effect is the economic shift to two income families that was also a result. Nowadays it is significantly harder to raise a family on one income. For many families it is simply not possible.
I'm all for women's equality in society in general and in the workplace in particular. Unfortunately rather than replacing the man's salary with the woman's, many families doubled up until it became "normal" to have both parents work. The economy shifted to this new "norm", and now it is necessary for most families to do this.
I'm sure there are probably many other factors involved in the economic realities facing today's families, and I do not claim to be an expert on the matter. However, I think that the increase in the number of two income families over time should at least be on the list.
Sure dads are spending more time with their kids. However, I'll bet if you looked at total time spent with either parent you'd see that has declined significantly in the past 40 years, especially for children under 5.
This is a good summary of the positive changes in our society. My brothers (4 or 5 have kids) are far more attentive to their own children, then our father was to us. I think my father really resented us kids and the demands we made on his time. My brothers are very involved with their kids, their schooling, after-school activities and church related activities. They are protective of the kids, in that other family and friendly adults cannot smoke or drink too much around the kids. All, in all, the kids have good relations with their fathers, even though some are in college and 2 are married. I think this change is great and will benefit society as a whole somewhere down the line.
GenX, college, father of 2 - and I couldn't agree with this article more.
My wife and I waited 11 years to breed (thank you, pill, for allowing us to wait). We agreed early on that we would work together in a small business so that we could BOTH be there for the kids. We eschewed corporate jobs because neither of us wanted to be absentee parents. Our business was not easy to start, and had we both worked in corporate America we'd make more money, but now we have the freedom to parent together.
And it's great. I spend as much time with the kids as their mom does. Our housework is close to equally divided. Plus, our business gets the added bonus of her talent and expertise. We planned our family so that we would never have the dilemma of Who's Going to Stay Home and Who's Going to Work. We both do both. Equally. And we love it.
Again, thank you, Pill, for allowing us to plan our family.
I don't know where you get your statistics Ms Page but neither fathers nor mothers are spending time with their kids anymore. The kids are being raised by 50 cent, gangsta rap, Paris Hilton, Brittney Spears, ipods, iphones , grand theft auto games and drugs. And the proof is out there in the streets.
Very, very good point.
But I think the problem is that while parents are techincally spending MORE time with their children, especially dads, they are spending less QUALITY time with them. Sitting with your kids in front of the TV during dinner is unfortunately how a HUGE segment of America spends their family time. In addition, one thing this article misses is that while parents do have more time to spend at HOME, all the distractions (Ipods, computer, tv, video games) do mean parents and children, while being together in the house, are actually spending less time with eachother within that house. I have a cousin who is a stay at home Mom so she can "raise her children", but her kids spend the vast majority of the time in front of the television. Also in the last ten years there has been a huge increase in parents being more concerned about being their child's friend rather than their parent.
I do think birth control and women entering the work force was a huge improvement for the American family. Unfortunately, every time I go to the mall and see every 12 year old girl dressed like a hooker, I think that other cultural factors have effectively cancelled out these improvements in child rearing.
I am at the tail end of the boomers and I spent a lot of time with my kids. When my wife ran off for a mid-life crisis affair, she left me and the kids for nearly two years. I filed for divorce and the courts awarded her custody because she had possession of the family vagina. ( She offered to "sell" me custody for $200,000 which I would have gladly paid if I had the money).
She was a terrible mother, and it was heartbreaking that I was relegated to being a twice a month visitor to my own children. They called me every single day - and still do. Fathers need to be aware that no matter how involved or close you are to your kids, in the event of a divorce, the courts will look right through you. When it comes to custody, women hold all the cards.
You know, if I had a nickel for everytime I've heard a story about a dad getting screwed over in a divorce when it comes to the kids, I'd be a very rich man. There are some very courageous dad's out there fighting for changes to family law in order to give dads a fair shake.
Here's one such organization in Canada that is fighting for fathers rights: http://www.fathers-4-justice-canada.ca/
Courts are just very reluctant to take children from their mothers, no matter how unfit they are. This is a HUGE problem in family court. My foster sister's birth mother was a horribly abusive drug addict who was constantly in and out of jail. No matter what horrible thing she had done, she always got her daughter back from brief stints in foster care. This severe abuse and criminal behavior continued for ten years and the courts ALWAYS gave my sister back to her birth Mom as soon as she was out of jail, even if the jail sentence had been for child neglect or abuse. It took this poor girl's mother actually attempting to kill her for the courts to finally take her away for good and place her with my parents.
I'm a GenX dad and I wish I could be an at-home dad...
I think the one thing missing from this is that it's not just men who's own mothers worked, but men witnessing this outside of their own mothers as they grew up.
My dad left us when I was 3, and my mom was an at-home mom while we lived with my grandparents and then when we lived with her new long-term boyfriend. Growing up seeing working women in person, on TV and then in the workforce, really is what made me the way I am. I love my daughter, hug her and kiss her everyday, it's a shame that some only do that only a few times a week... My wife stays home with her, because we both feel that one of us being home is best, and I just happend to be in a position to make more money at this point, but I would love to switch. As soon as I get home, my little girl is all mine, and I love it.
Better fathers and worse mothers.
Glaringly true. Mother, like lady, are very nearly arcane expressions.
One glaring thing that was left out regarding fathers spending more time with their children is this: I'm a baby boomer. MY father didn't spend as much time with me as I did with my kids. Why? Simple - we weren't around the house much! Especially in the summer, we were up at the crack of dawn and just running all day long. Pop into the house (maybe) to get lunch, then show up for dinner, then BAM, outside again. Times changed, and it either got more dangerous or the media made it seem more dangerous and kids didn't go outside all day. I spent a LOT more time with my kids than my dad ever did, and so now dads spend even more time with them cause they are frightned to death to let them out of their sight. So there you go, if they are indoors all the time, of COURSE the dads will spend more time with them.
very good point!!!
I can remember the old saying to "go out and play in the freeway"
it seems that with 5 kids at home there was never much time to devote to each one...8)
but I DO remember getting out with my dad to go fishing and we DID spend time in other ways...8)
they did the best they could no matter whether we understood it or not....8)
it seems that this generation does not understand these facts and chooses to make it seem different that it REALLY was....8(
I spend lots of time with my kid whenever possible but being that he is only one it sure makes it easier to do...8)
Oh...did I say that my other 4 kids are grown and happy now...8)
my latest son is now an only child and he gets lots of lap time....8)
Christina Page writes editorial heralding data that proves the world is flat. Once again, we are shown that data and statistics are about as useful as cards in a poker game: keep what you like and discard the rest. Using this approach (and in all fairness to Ms. Page, she is hardly the sole tactician in this little maneuver), one could prove that the world is flat, a hippopotamus was America’s first president, and Rush Limbaugh is a bleeding-heart liberal.
The fact is, like anything in history, women entering the work force, the sexual revolution, and birth control have had good results, and bad. Many good things have happened, and many bad. Just like we used to learn in those old history classes in the 70s about how the industrial revolution gutted the family unit and led to untold stress, strain, and difficulty on individuals and families alike, I am sure the sudden movement of women into the work place had similar positive and negative results. And just because men, like me, would be thrilled to stay home and take care of the kids - guess what. I have only talked to a couple women in my 20 plus years of work that have said they wouldn’t rather stay home, too. So it is with any of the issues. Let the positives stand next to the negatives and be honest. Unfortunately, we believe what we want to believe, and seldom let a little thing like facts get in the way.
Very good post daffey. I agree.
Thanks for a meaningless dose of relativism. I am sure that what you said contained some good and some bad. Why don't you let us in on the "facts" you alluded to and set us all straight?
There is so much truth in this article. When I was young, I would see moms and kids in the grocery store; now I see dads and kids too. Dads can handle the babies just as well as moms.
This article brings to mind an experience I had as an aquarist. I was living in Ghana at the time because my husband was working there. I had a 100-gallon tank with me, and my husband, kids, and I caught some local fish to put in it. We had barking catfishes, tilapias, and some small fish that I think were some kind of guppy.
Tilapias are unique because the father raises the young. After the mother lays the eggs, the father scoops them into his mouth and holds them there until they hatch. The fry swarm around his mouth and he sucks them back in if he senses danger. Meanwhile, the mother eats so that she can produce more eggs. This is repeated about once a month.
We had a breeding pair of tilapias in the tank, and they were an object of fascination to every woman who visited us. There was something amazing to women about that little male going without food and being constantly on the alert in order to take care of his young.
If a fish can do it, surely a man can too.
I do not know a single woman under forty who knows how to cook. By contrast I know a lot of men who do. Women may have once been abused in the 1950s, but today they all think they are princesses. They are lousy wives and mothers. This explains why fewer and fewer men are marrying these days.
LOL! You must not know any ITALIAN women then my friend! Or Greek, or Russian, or Haitian, Hispanic, or ethnic women at all for that matter!! Show me ONE ethnic woman who doesn't cook and I'll eat my hat!!
I live in Boston, and EVERY woman I know (okay, except one frined of mine) not only cooks but also cleans, sews, does the shopping, all while holding down a job as well. This may or may not have something to do with the fact that Boston is an immigrant heavy community. Even those born in America typically are only 1st or 2nd generation Americans with strong cultural ties. As an Italian, my family life revolves around THE KITCHEN. I work a 45 hour work week and I STILL cook dinner every night for my and my husband. I really believe in the old aciom "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
People who decry immigration overlook the fact that immigrants tend to have very strong family values which are badly needed in America today.
This article once again tout's all the mythology of women's liberation, and doesn't allow the facts to get in the way.
The most important fact you need to know is that the United States is now in 40th place of all the industrialized nations when it comes to children living in poverty. And though I can't recall the exact numbers, we have the highest death rates of new borns in the industrialzed world, and the lowest birth weights. There is a direct relationship between these numbers and a lack of living in a two income two parent family.
The majority of children are now born to single mothers with out a father in the home at all.
Many feminists have argued that a father is un necessary to children in the home.
My perception is that men spend more time with their children because they have had to fight for them in court.
This has lead to a new generation of men that looks at marriage as a liability to be avoided at all costs.
"My perception is that men spend more time with their children because they have had to fight for them in court.
"This has lead to a new generation of men that looks at marriage as a liability to be avoided at all costs."
Very true; and rest assured, there are many who have discovered that fighting the good fight only works as long as you can afford the attorney's fees--after that, the custodial parent has possession of the reigns, and all that you've fought for can be easily subverted and even destroyed, should the custodial parent be so inclined.
It is a shame women are no longer forced by society to stay in a marriage no matter what.
"There is a direct relationship between these numbers and a lack of living in a two income two parent family. "
There is a far more direct result between those numbers and lack of universal health care.
Infant mortality rates in the US are a direct result of lack of access to prenatal care.
Less access to contraception is also a clear factor.
Sweden and other Scandinavian countries don't have lower child poverty rates and lower infant mortality rates b/c they have few single mothers. They have a broad and functioning safety net for new mothers.
LM: Let us discuss a little thing called "the difference between Coincidence and Causality." You have yet to prove (or even point towards) Causality of the situations you cite and Women's Rights.
I have many theories as to why those situations have come about -- mostly due to Corporate excess and the erosion of worker rights. Corporate intrusion into personal life has done more to erode "family" than anything Women's Lib" could ever dream of.
Um, your argument makes no sense. The countries which have the lowest child mortality rates and child poverty rates are in Western Europe, which embraced feminism even more than the United States did. They also have extremely low divorce rates and poverty rates in general, where the US has the highest divorce rate in the world and one of the highest child mortality and poverty levels in the Western world. Obviously feminism cannot be the factor which caused this because ALL Western nations were affected by the feminist movement and strongly favor equality for women.
Now I'm not saying there are no downsides to feminism. Feminists touting abortion as the miracle birth control method disgusts me. And I agree that while women can raise a child alone, it is a disservice to EVERYONE when feminists say that one woman can raise a child just as well and as easily as a couple can; or that men are more disposable in society than women. And there are few statements stupider than "If women ran the world, there would be no war."
But this particular argument that you have made does not carry any weight and is easily debunked.
Good piece. This point -- that getting men to play roles that previously had been stereotyped as "women's", particularly with regard to child care, was a central part of the movement for equality -- has always been particularly of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and helped to shape her litigation strategy when she was an attorney handling impact litigation for the ACLU Womens Rights Project.
"So much for the break up of the family caused by women's emerging roles, the sexual revolution, and the birth control pill--family is more desired, and enjoyed, than ever before."
Not that it's a 'men-only' situation--but men who have found themselves on the opposite side of Parental Alienation might take issue with the concept you present here; for many empowered women in the modern age, they discover that 'Dad' has outlived his usefulness after having donated sperm to the equation, albeit late in the day when 'Dad' himself actually discovers the truth of the matter.
That accounts for a much smaller percent, I'm sure, but for alienated parents [both men & women], the hard truth that their once-upon-a-time spouse has stolen the handle of the "child-rearing train" and left them as a despised figure who has zero access, input or insight into their children's lives, their experiences has left those parents with at minimum mixed feelings about family in the modern age.
Alienated parents have a 50% / 50% chance of ever improving their prospects with their children, and that usually will only play out [positively or negaitvely] after those children have reached adulthood and can look back on the situation objectively [which is gut-wrenching process for them and the alienated parent].
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